我不再埋怨老公工作日程的那天
It's 8:30 p.m. and my husband isn't home from work yet. That means I did today 100% solo. From my toddler's 6 a.m. wake-up call, to homeschooling all morning, afternoon errands, a park stop, dinnertime, baths and a trio of bedtimes. Now I'm finally sitting, watching a little TV and nibbling on a pack of Gushers, my current pregnancy craving.
現在是晚上8:30，而我的老公還沒下班。這也意味着我這一整天靠的都是自己。早上6點寶寶起牀到整個早晨的在家教學、下午各種瑣事、公園散步、晚飯、洗澡以及晚安歌。現在我終於坐下來了、能看會兒電視、吃一包這次懷孕的最愛Gushers。It's not like this every day. Most days he aims to be home by six for family dinner and the bedtime routine, but more often than not he puts in 14+ hour days. Sometimes longer. Rarely shorter. For what seems like eons, this was a HUGE point on contention in our marriage. How could he choose to be away from us for so long? Was work really that important? Do "normal" people commit to work schedules that call for rising before dawn and coming home with barely enough time to eat dinner?
但並非每天都是如此。大多數時候，老公都打算六點到家吃晚飯，然後給寶寶讀故事，但他往往會在外14小時以上。有時更久，很少有比這短的時候。這看起來像是億萬年之久，也曾是我們婚姻中巨大的爭論點。他怎麼能離開我們這麼久呢？工作真的這麼重要嗎？"正常"人是不是也全身心投入這樣的工作呢：天不亮就要起，晚上回來基本都吃不上晚飯？I'd bellow. Yes, bellow about how much I disliked his schedule. How lonely it made me feel. How abandoned I was at home, pregnant with three other kids. I became the queen of snarky text messages and could have earned an award for my extreme pouting. It all came from a place of hurt. Of misunderstanding. But that didn't make it OK.
我想要怒吼。怒吼自己有多麼不喜歡他的工作、怒吼自己多麼的孤獨、在家時多麼的有被拋棄感，留下懷孕的我和三個寶寶在一起。我成了負面短信女王，內容之極端甚至都能讓我獲獎。這都來源於我的傷心、不理解。但事情卻沒有變好。
For so long I wished for a regular 9 to 5, for my husband to say no to work and yes to coming home early. That wishing poisoned me from the inside out. I grew hurt and felt anxiety and cruelty within myself. It was my choice and I knew that. But for some reason, I justified all those feelings because of my situation. It made me feel better and helped me cope... but not for long. When I stopped complaining-both in my head and out loud-our marriage flourished.
很長時間以來，我都希望老公能過着正常的朝九晚五的日子，能對工作說不、能早點回家。這種想法從內而外的蔓延着。慢慢的我感到傷心、焦慮、殘忍。這是我自己的選擇，我知道的。但由於某種原因、由於我的處境，我讓這一切的感受都變得理所應當。這讓我感覺更好，也幫助我應對……但卻沒有持續太久。當我不再抱怨--心裏和嘴上都不再抱怨時--我們的婚姻越來越好。
All those self-induced feelings left me upset and when my husband finally got home, I was resentful of the time we did have together. I was ruining us. I was choosing to make our current situation a wedge in our family. It wasn't him. It wasn't his work schedule. It was me and me alone.
所有這些自我臆想的感受讓我難過，當老公終於回家時，我卻又對我們在一起的時光感到不滿。當時我是在破壞我們的感情。我選擇讓我們當前的情況陷入困境。這不怪他，也不怪他的工作。從頭到尾都是我的埋怨導致了感情破裂。The reason my husband works so much is because he cares about me. About our kids. About our future. In fact, 12 years ago when I met him, I pegged him as a family man. I knew he would be a fabulous husband and a top notch dad. That's why I picked him! In his heart, built into his spirit, he totally gets what life is about, he knows people are most important.
老公工作那麼辛苦是因爲他在乎我、在乎我們的孩子和我們的未來。事實上，12年前當我遇到他的時候，我就認爲他是顧家的男人。我知道他會成爲一名好老公、好爸爸。我也因此而選擇了他！在他的心裏、靈魂裏，他完全知道生活是什麼，他知道人才是最重要的。
