五招教你清除愛情"絆腳石"
每個人都向往永恆的愛情。而事實上，日常生活中有許許多多的"絆腳石"正在悄然無聲地影響着戀人們的愛情。認識到這些“絆腳石”(wrecker)後，我們又能採取哪些措施呢？
英國《每日郵報》顧問Andrew Marshall問道：“愛情的保質期比以前更短了麼？人們分手的頻率更快了麼？”閱讀下文，專家將爲你解析愛情變量表中的上升和下降趨勢，教你如何阻止愛情變質。
Relationships are changing faster than ever before? and so are the triggers for break-ups, says counsellor Andrew Marshall. Here is the authoritative guide to what's going up and what's going down in the argument charts and how to stop your relationship being derailed:
1. 降低期望值（上升趨勢） One: Low Expectations (GOING UP)
我們“期望”愛情失敗。“男人沒一個好東西”和“女人都神經錯亂”的想法已經從好友間的玩笑變成了自我應驗的預言。我們等着新男友/女友犯錯誤，然後再將錯誤放大。
We expect relationships to fail. The "all men are bastards" mind set and "all women are bunny boilers" mentality has spread from being a joke with our mates into a self-fulfilling prophecy. We wait for our new boyfriend or girlfriend to trip up and then zoom in on their mistakes.
解決方法：如今，人們對不完美事物的容忍度大不如前。但是，如果我們能秉持堅持不懈的態度，更加相信自己，或許，我們不僅能解決這些潛在問題，更能收穫一份親密、美好的愛情。
Solve it: Today we are less willing to tolerate anything that is not 100 per cent perfect. Yet if we all hung in longer and believed in ourselves more, we would address the underlying issues and reap the rewards of a truly intimate and satisfying relationship.
2. 平衡工作與生活（上升趨勢） Two: Work/Life Balance (GOING UP)
對比20年前，現在的我們工作時間更長，倒班更頻繁，通勤距離更遠。因此，兩人相處的時間也就更少了。累了的時候，兩人間的溝通就只剩下基本的“你什麼時候回來”。
Today we are working longer hours, doing more shift work, commuting further and therefore spending less time together than twenty years ago. When we're tired, communication is cut down to the bare essentials ('What time will you be back?').
解決方法：增加二人世界的時間作爲感情投資，例如：把每週四晚定爲約會時間--即使不能外出，也可以一起聊聊天、聽聽音樂。很多尋求情感問題解決之道的情侶發現，這種集中的二人相處黃金時間比心理輔導更有效。
Solve it: Invest in your relationship by setting aside 'sacred time' that belongs to just the two of you. For example: make Thursday night your date night - even if you can't go out, spend the time talking, listening to music. Many couples in therapy find they benefit most from the concentrated, quality time they spend together, rather than the counselling.
3. 互聯網（新增條目） Three: The Internet (NEW ENTRY)
爭論的關鍵不在於花多長時間上網--不論是爲了工作還是娛樂--而是網戀和瀏覽色情內容。一項1500名成人蔘與的調查顯示，46％調查者認爲郵件、短消息和聊天室導致婚外情現象愈發頻繁；30％的調查者曾利用電子通訊手段調情、維持自己的風流韻事；22％的調查者每天都上網聊天，62％的調查者平均每週一次。
The arguments are not just how much time is spent on the Internet - for work or pleasure - but about starting deep 'friendships' in cyberspace and viewing pornography. Research among 1,500adults found that 46 per cent believed emails, texting and chat rooms had led to a big rise in infidelity; 30 per cent had used electronic communication to flirt, or to sustain an affair; 22 per cent of them had done it every day and 62 per cent had done it once a week.
解決方法：這些問題需要防患於未然。在家裏，長時間坐在電腦前就預示着某些事情開始不對勁了。不要忽略你的直覺。問問你的另一半爲什麼要在虛擬世界裏浪費那麼多時間。他們可能對你們兩人的關係不太滿意，而坐在電腦前實際上是在尋求幫助。
Solve it: These problems need to be nipped in the bud. Long hours on the computer at home are a signal that something is wrong. Don't ignore your instincts. Ask your partner why they need to spend so much time consuming 'virtual' life. They could be unhappy with your relationship together and the time on the computer is really a cry for help.
那麼，哪些網絡友誼是可以接受的呢？一些聚集了特定興趣愛好者的論壇--例如星際迷航、訓狗--通常不會導致愛情危機，但要警惕那些通過聊天網站建立的友誼關係。
So what kinds of Internet friendships are acceptable? Forums with a special interest - like Startrek or dog training - are fairly harmless but be wary of friendships made on general chat sites.
不管你的觀點是什麼，最重要的是要認真傾聽另一半的想法。除非你們兩人真正瞭解彼此的想法，否則都不能找到一個真正有效的妥協方法。
Whatever your viewpoint, it is important to really listen to what your partner has to say. Unless you both truly understand each other's opinions, you will not be able to find a working compromise.
4. 性（下降趨勢） Four: Sex (GOING DOWN)
現如今，因爲性生活而去心理諮詢的情侶少之又少。但是，很多情侶只因爲太累而無法享受性愛，甚至沒精力擔心這個問題。當性愛變成一個大問題時，最常聽到的抱怨就是一個人已經睡去，而另外一個卻很困惑、生氣。
Fewer couples go to counselling today to complain about their love life. However, many couples are simply too tired to enjoy sex and some can't even find the energy to worry about it. When sex is a major issue, the most common complaint is that one partner has 'gone off it' - leaving the other bewildered and angry.
解決方法：不要陷入一個"全或無"的陷阱：要麼做愛，要麼冷淡對待。要保持身體上的親密--即使你真的很累--可以親吻、愛撫、擁抱。這些動作本身也很令人愉悅，而不僅僅只是性愛的前戲。
Solve it: Don't fall into the 'all or nothing' trap of either intercourse or a cold shoulder. Keep physically intimate - even when you're too tired - by kissing, stroking and cuddling. This is pleasurable in its own right, not just as foreplay.
5. 私人空間（下降趨勢） Five: Space (GOING DOWN)
以前，總是男人們聲稱需要私人時間。現如今，身負工作、照看孩子重擔的女人們也在呼喚"私人空間"。然而，由於這一代父親（小於40歲）更多地照看孩子，這樣反而更不會引起夫妻不和。
Traditionally it's been men who've wanted time to themselves, but today women burdened by work and kids are asking for 'me' time too. However it is much less divisive than before as this generation of fathers (under 40) are much more involved with their children.
解決方法：成功的夫妻既是隊友也是兩個獨立的個體。因此，如果你的另一半需要空間，不要前去責難對方。一起商量一下彼此獨處的頻率和時間，在私人空間和二人世界之間獲得平衡。
Solve it: Successful couples are both team-mates and individuals, so don't feel criticised if your partner needs space. Negotiate how often you each need time alone, and for how long, so there is a balance between 'me' time and 'us' time.
