生活在灰色地帶的西方穆斯林

Some months ago, I gave a reading from my most recent novel in Scottsdale, Ariz. During the discussion that followed, a woman asked me to talk about my upbringing in Morocco. It’s natural for readers to be curious about a writer they’ve come to hear, I told myself. I continued to tell myself this even after the conversation drifted to Islam, and then to ISIS. Eventually, another woman raised her hand and said that the only Muslims she saw when she turned on the television were extremists. “Why aren’t we hearing more from people like you?” she asked me.

幾個月前，在亞利桑那州的斯科茨代爾，我向一羣讀者朗誦了自己最新創作的小說選段。在隨後的討論環節，一位女士讓我談談在摩洛哥的成長經歷。我告訴自己，讀者既然來聆聽一部作品，想要了解作者是很正常的事。我仍然這麼想，即使是在話題轉移到了伊斯蘭教，甚至是伊斯蘭國(ISIS)之後。終於，另一名女士舉起手說，她在電視上看到的穆斯林，全都是極端分子。“爲什麼我們聽不到來自像您這樣的人的更多消息？”她問我。

“You are,” I said with a nervous laugh. “Right now.” I wanted to tell her that there were plenty of ordinary Muslims in this country. We come in all races and ethnicities. Some of us are more visible by virtue of beards or head scarves. Others are less conspicuous, unless they give book talks and it becomes clear that they, too, identify as Muslims.

“您聽到了啊，”我緊張地笑着說。“現在就是。”我想告訴她，這個國家裏有大量穆斯林普通人。我們來自各種各樣的民族和種族。有些人因爲鬍鬚或頭巾的特點很容易被辨識出來。還有些則不那麼明顯，除非他們也舉辦這樣的活動，人們纔會恍然大悟，原來他們也是穆斯林。

To be fair, I’m not a very good Muslim. I don’t perform daily prayers anymore. I have never been on a pilgrimage to Mecca. I partake of the forbidden drink. I do give to charity whenever I can, but I imagine that this would not be enough to save me were I to have the misfortune, through an accident of birth or migration, to live in a place like Raqqa, Syria, where in the last two years, the group variously known as Daesh, ISIL or ISIS has established a caliphate: a successor to past Islamic empires. Life in Raqqa reportedly follows rules that range from the horrifying to the absurd: The heads of people who have been executed are posted on spikes in the town’s main square; women must wear a niqab and be accompanied by a male companion when they go out; smoking and swearing are not allowed; chemistry is no longer taught in schools and traffic police are not permitted to have whistles because ISIS considers them un-Islamic.

老實說，我不是一個合格的穆斯林。我已不再每天禱告。我從未踏上通往麥加的朝聖之旅。我喝不該喝的東西。我的確盡我所能地做慈善，不過我想，如果我不幸地降生或移民到敘利亞拉卡這樣的地方，我的這些善舉也救不了我。過去兩年，一個被稱作達伊沙(Daesh)、ISIL或ISIS的組織，在那裏創立了一個哈里發國：就像過去的伊斯蘭帝國。據說，拉卡的生活遵循着各種恐怖和荒謬的規定：被處決者的頭顱要釘在城市主廣場上示衆；女性必須穿面紗且在一名男子的陪伴下才能出門；禁止吸菸和罵人；學校裏不再教化學課，交警不可以配備哨子，因爲伊斯蘭國認爲這不符合伊斯蘭教義。

As part of its efforts to spread its message outside the territory it controls, ISIS puts out an English-language magazine, Dabiq, which can be found online. In February, Dabiq featured a 12-page article, complete with high-resolution photos and multiple footnotes, cheering the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11 and claiming that they made manifest for the world two camps: the camp of Islam under the caliphate and the camp of the West under the crusaders. The article ran under the title “The Extinction of the Grayzone.” The gray zone is the space inhabited by any Muslim who has not joined the ranks of either ISIS or the crusaders. Throughout the article, these Muslims are called “the grayish,” “the hypocrites” and, for variety, “the grayish hypocrites.”

爲了把信息傳遞到控制區域之外，伊斯蘭國推出了在線英文雜誌《達比克》(Dabiq)。今年2月，《達比克》刊發了一篇12頁的長文，包括高清圖片和各種註釋，讚頌9·11恐怖襲擊，稱它們讓世界上劃分出了兩個清晰的陣營：哈里發國領導的伊斯蘭陣營，以及十字軍領導的西方陣營。文章的標題是《讓灰色地帶消失》(The Extinction of Grayzone)。灰色地帶指的是既沒有加入ISIS也沒有加入十字軍的穆斯林生活的空間。文中把這些穆斯林稱爲“那些泛灰的人”、“僞善者”，爲了讓詞彙更富於變化，還使用了“那些泛灰的僞善者”。

On Nov. 13, men who had sworn allegiance to ISIS struck the city of Paris, killing 130 people at different locations mostly in the 10th and 11th arrondissements, neighborhoods that are known for their multiculturalism. As soon as I heard about the attacks, I tried to reach a cousin of mine, who is studying in Paris. I couldn’t. I spent the next two hours in a state of crushing fear until he posted on Facebook that he was safe. Relieved, I went back to scrolling through my feed, which is how I found out that my friend Najlae Benmbarek, a Moroccan journalist, lost her cousin. A recently married architect, Mohamed Amine Ibnolmobarak was eating dinner with his wife at the Carillon restaurant when an ISIS terrorist killed him.

11月13日，一些效忠伊斯蘭國的男子襲擊了巴黎，主要在10區和11區的多處地點造成了130人遇難，這些社區均以文化多元著稱。我一聽說襲擊的消息，就趕緊聯繫我的一個正在巴黎上學的表親。可聯繫不上。接下來的兩個小時，我陷入令人崩潰的恐懼之中，直到他在Facebook上報了平安。我如釋重負，繼續瀏覽其他好友狀態，才發現我的朋友、摩洛哥記者娜潔拉·苯巴萊克(Najlae Benmbarek)的表親遭遇了不幸。穆罕默德·阿米涅·伊布諾莫巴拉克(Mohamed Amine Ibnolmobarak)是一名建築師，他和新婚妻子在Carillon餐廳吃飯時，被伊斯蘭國的一名恐怖分子殺害。

It was probably not a coincidence that the Paris attacks were aimed at restaurants, a concert hall and a sports stadium, places of leisure and community, nor that the victims included Muslims. As Dabiq makes clear, ISIS wants to eliminate coexistence between religions and to create a response from the West that will force Muslims to choose sides: either they “apostatize and adopt” the infidel religion of the crusaders or “they perform hijrah to the Islamic State and thereby escape persecution from the crusader governments and citizens.” For ISIS to win, the gray zone must be eliminated.

巴黎襲擊針對的是餐廳、音樂廳和體育場等休閒和集會場所，這應該不是巧合。遇難者中有穆斯林也不是。《達比克》說得很明白，伊斯蘭國想要消除宗教共存的狀態，製造一種來自西方的迴應，迫使穆斯林選擇立場：要麼“變節並選擇”十字軍的異教徒宗教，要麼“投奔伊斯蘭國，逃離十字軍政府和民衆的殘害”。伊斯蘭國要取得勝利，就不能容許灰色地帶的存在。

Whose lives are gray? Mine, certainly. I was born in one nation (Morocco) speaking Arabic, came to my love of literature through a second language (French) and now live in a third country (America), where I write books and teach classes in yet another language (English). I have made my home in between all these cultures, all these languages, all these countries. And I have found it a glorious place to be. My friends are atheists and Muslims, Jews and Christians, believers and doubters. Each one makes my life richer.

哪些人是灰色的？我肯定是。我出生在一個阿拉伯語國家（摩洛哥），通過第二門語言（法語）愛上了文學，現在住在第三個國家（美國），然而我在這裏還用另一種語言（英語）寫書和講課。我生活在這些種文化、語言和國家之間。我發現這是一個很棒的位置。我的朋友中有無神論者、穆斯林、猶太教徒和基督徒，信教的和不信宗教的人。每個人都讓我的生命更加豐富。

This gray life of mine is not unique. I share it with millions of people around the world. My brother in Dallas is a practicing Muslim — he prays, he fasts, he attends mosque — but he, too, would be considered to be in the gray zone, because he despises ISIS and everything it stands for.

我的這種灰色生活並非獨一無二。全世界有成千上萬的人過着同樣的生活。我在達拉斯的兄弟是一名守教規的穆斯林，他禱告、齋戒、去清真寺，但是他也被認爲處在灰色地帶，因爲他鄙視伊斯蘭國和它所代表的一切。

Most of the time, gray lives go unnoticed in America. Other times, especially when people are scared, gray lives become targets. Hate crimes against Muslims spike after every major terrorist attack. But rather than stigmatize this hate, politicians and pundits often stoke it with fiery rhetoric, further diminishing the gray zone. Every time the gray zone recedes, ISIS gains ground.

多數時候，灰色的人在美國不會引發關注。但有時，尤其是人們感到害怕的時候，灰色的人就成了靶子。每一次大型恐怖襲擊之後，針對穆斯林的報復性犯罪都會激增。然而政客和學者不僅不譴責這種仇恨，反而用激烈的言辭去煽動它，讓灰色地帶越來越小。灰色地帶每減少一寸，伊斯蘭國都因此而壯大。

The language that ISIS uses may be new, but the message is not. When President George W. Bush spoke to a joint session of Congress after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, he declared, “Either you are with us or you are with the terrorists.” It was a decisive threat, and it worked well for him in those early, confusing days, so he returned to it. “Either you are with us,” he said in 2002, “or you are with the enemy. There’s no in between.” This polarized thinking led to the United States invasion of Iraq, which led to the destabilization of the Middle East, which in turn led to the creation of ISIS.

伊斯蘭國的表述可能是新的，傳遞的信息卻是舊的。9·11襲擊發生後，喬治·W·布什(George W. Bush)總統在參衆兩院聯席會議上發表講話時聲稱，“你要麼支持我們，要麼就是恐怖分子的同夥”。這句赤裸裸的威脅，在最初那些茫然無措的日子裏非常奏效。所以他後來又重複了這句話。“你要麼支持我們，”他在2002年說，“要麼就是在支持敵人。沒有中間地帶。”這種極端思維促使美國出兵伊拉克，導致中東的動盪，反過來促成了伊斯蘭國的創立。

Terrorist attacks affect all of us in the same way: We experience sorrow and anger at the loss of life. For Muslims, however, there is an additional layer of grief as we become subjects of suspicion. Muslims are called upon to condemn terrorism, but no matter how often or how loud or how clear the condemnations, the calls remain. Imagine if, after every mass shooting in a school or a movie theater in the United States, young white men in this country were told that they must publicly denounce gun violence. The reason this is not the case is that we presume each young white man to be solely responsible for his actions, whereas Muslims are held collectively responsible. To be a Muslim in the West is to be constantly on trial.

恐怖襲擊以同樣的方式影響着我們所有人：面對生命的失去，我們都感到了悲傷和憤怒。然而對於穆斯林來說，我們的悲傷多一層，因爲我們成了懷疑的對象。人們呼籲穆斯林對恐怖主義發出譴責，但無論我們的譴責多麼響亮、頻繁、清楚，這種呼籲還是沒完沒了。想象一下，在美國的學校或影院的每一次大規模槍擊事件後，這個國家年輕的白人男子都被要求必須公開譴責槍支暴力，會是怎樣的情形。這種情況不會發生，因爲人們認爲每一名年輕的白人男子只需爲自己的行爲負責，然而穆斯林卻要集體爲恐怖襲擊負責。在西方世界做一名穆斯林，就要常常接受審判。

The attacks in Paris have generated the same polarization as all previous attacks have. Even though most of the suspects were French and Belgian nationals who could have gained entry to the United States on their passports, Republican governors in 30 states say that they will refuse to take in any refugees from Syria without even more stringent screening. Barely two days after the attacks, Jeb Bush told CNN’s Jake Tapper that the United States should focus its efforts only on helping Syrian refugees who are Christian.

就像之前的所有襲擊一樣，巴黎襲擊事件也帶來了同樣的極端思維。雖然多數嫌疑人是法國人和比利時人，可以憑護照進入美國，有30位州長表示，如果沒有更嚴格的篩查程序，將拒絕接受來自敘利亞的難民。襲擊纔過去兩天，傑布·布什就對CNN的傑克·塔珀(Jake Tapper)說，美國應該集中精力，只幫助信仰基督教的敘利亞難民。

Ted Cruz went a step further, offering to draft legislation that would ban Muslim Syrian refugees from the United States. When he was asked by Dana Bash of CNN what would have happened to him if his father, a Cuban refugee who was fleeing communism, had been refused entry, he implied that it was a different situation because of the special risks associated with ISIS.

特德·克魯茲(Ted Cruz)則更加過分，他提出要起草一部禁止穆斯林敘利亞難民進入美國的法律。當CNN的達娜·拜什(Dana Bash)問他，如果他的父親——一名逃離共產主義的古巴難民——被拒絕入境會怎樣時，他暗示說，鑑於伊斯蘭國的特殊風險，這兩者的情況完全不同。

As it happens, I am married to a son of Cuban refugees. Like Cruz’s father, they came to this country because America was a safe haven. What would have been their fate if an American legislator said that they could not be allowed in because the Soviet Union was trying to infiltrate the United States?

我的丈夫碰巧也是古巴難民的後代。就像克魯茲的父親一樣，他們來到這個國家，是因爲美國是一個安全的避風港。如果一名美國議員說因爲蘇聯企圖滲透美國應該禁止他們入境，那他們的命運會如何？

The other day, my daughter said to me, “I want to be president.” She has been saying this a lot lately, usually the morning after a presidential debate, when our breakfast-table conversation veers toward the elections. My daughter is 12. She plays the violin and the guitar; she loves math and history; she’s quick-witted and sharp-tongued and above all she’s very kind to others. “I’d vote for you,” I told her. And then I looked away, because I didn’t have the heart to tell her that half the people in this country — in her country — say they would not vote for a Muslim presidential candidate.

不久前，我的女兒對我說，“我想當總統。”她最近經常這麼說，通常是在早上總統大選辯論之後，我們的早餐時的話題轉移到大選上的時候。我女兒今年12歲。她會拉小提琴，彈吉他；她喜歡數學和歷史；她思維敏捷，伶牙俐齒，最重要的是，她對人很友好。“我會選你，”我對她說。然後，我把目光移到別處，因爲我不敢告訴她，這個國家——她自己的國家——有一半的人已經表示，不會爲穆斯林總統候選人投票。

I worry about her growing up in a place where some of the people who are seeking the highest office in the land cannot make a simple distinction between Islam and ISIS, between Muslim and terrorist. Ben Carson has said he “would not advocate that we put a Muslim in charge of this nation.”

我爲她生長在一個這樣的國家感到擔心：一些競選最高領袖的人連伊斯蘭教和ISIS，穆斯林和恐怖分子的區別都搞不清楚。本·卡森(Ben Carson)曾說，他“不會主張我們讓一個穆斯林執掌這個國家”。

Right now, my daughter still has the innocence and ambition that are the natural attributes of the young. But what will happen when she comes of age and starts to realize that her life, like mine, is constantly under question? How do you explain to a child that she is not wanted in her own country? I have not yet had the courage to do that. My daughter has never heard of the gray zone, though she has lived in it her entire life. Perhaps this is my attempt at keeping the world around all of us as gray as possible. It is a form of resistance, the only form of resistance I know.

現在，我的女兒仍然有着年輕人那種與生俱來的天真和抱負。但當她長大後開始意識到，她的人生就像我的一樣，常常會遭到質疑，結果又會怎樣？我該如何向一個孩子解釋，她在自己的國家是不受歡迎的？我還沒有勇氣這麼做。我女兒從沒聽說過灰色地帶，雖然她自出生以來就生活在其中。也許我正在努力讓周圍的世界儘可能地保持灰色。這是一種抵抗，也是我所知道的唯一一種抵抗。