經典科幻文學:《生命 宇宙及一切》第22章(5)

Later, I was thrown off a spaceship. Still in my dressing gown. Rather than the space suit one would normally expect. Shortly after that I discovered that my planet had originally been built for a bunch of mice. You can imagine how I felt about that. I was then shot at for a while and blown up. In fact I have been blown up ridiculously often, shot at, insulted, regularly disintegrated, deprived of tea, and recently I crashed into a swamp and had to spend five years in a damp cave.
Ah, effervesced the little man, and did you have a wonderful time?
Arthur started to choke violently on his drink.
What a wonderful exciting cough, said the little man, quite startled by it, do you mind if I join you?
And with that he launched into the most extraordinary and spectacular fit of coughing which caught Arthur so much by surprise that he started to choke violently, discovered he was already doing it and got thoroughly confused.
Together they performed a lung-busting duet which went on for fully two minutes before Arthur managed to cough and splutter to a halt.
So invigorating, said the little man, panting and wiping tears from his eyes. What an exciting life you must lead. Thank you very much.
He shook Arthur warmly by the hand and walked off into the crowd. Arthur shook his head in astonishment.
A youngish-looking man came up to him, an aggressive-looking type with a hook mouth, a lantern nose, and small beady little cheekbones. He was wearing black trousers, a black silk shirt open to what was presumably his navel, though Arthur had learnt never to make assumptions about the anatomies of the sort of people he tended to meet these days, and had all sorts of nasty dangly gold things hanging round his neck. He carried something in a black bag, and clearly wanted people to notice that he didn’t want them to notice it.
Hey, er, did I hear you say your name just now? he said.
This was one of the many things that Arthur had told the enthusiastic little man.
Yes, it’s Arthur Dent.
The man seemed to be dancing slightly to some rhythm other than any of the several that the band were grimly pushing out.
Yeah, he said, only there was a man in a mountain wanted to see you.
I met him.
Yeah, only he seemed pretty anxious about it, you know.
Yes, I met him.
Yeah, well I think you should know that.
I do. I met him.

“之後，我被人從飛船上扔了下去，還是穿着睡袍。而不是——通常認爲的宇航服。不久，我發現自己的星球其實是耗子造的，你可以想見，我對此作何感想。然後，我又被人打了，又炸飛了。其實挺滑稽的，我經常被炸飛，被侮辱，崩潰，沒茶喝。前不久我還掉到一片沼澤裏，在破山洞裏住了五年。”
“啊，”小個子興趣盎然，“你過得很開心吧？”
阿瑟正在喝酒，狠狠地嗆住了。
“咳得真精彩啊！”小個子大吃一驚，道，“我能加入嗎？”
於是，小個子大咳特咳起來，阿瑟驚詫萬分，正要嗆的時候，發現自己已經在嗆了，於是有點無所適從。
兩人“合奏”了整整兩分鐘的“撕心裂肺二重奏”，終於，阿瑟打了一個嗝，停住了。
“多麼催人奮進！”小個子氣喘吁吁，抹着眼淚，“你的生活多麼精彩啊！非常感謝！”
他熱情地握了握阿瑟的手，便消失在人羣中。阿瑟搖搖頭，感到不可思議。
一個看上去挺年輕的傢伙朝阿瑟走來，外表頗具攻擊性——鉤狀的嘴，燈籠狀的褲子，小珠子一樣的顴骨。他身着黑褲子、黑色絲綢襯衫，襯衫敞開的部位疑似肚臍（不過，阿瑟現在已經知道，不要對任何人的生理結構進行隨意的揣測），脖子上還有好多晃晃悠悠的奇怪金色玩意兒。他有個黑色的包，並且，很顯然，他希望別人注意到他不希望人們注意到這個。
“嘿！嗯，我剛纔聽你說起你的名字？”他問。
阿瑟對那個小個子說過很多事，名字的確爲其中之一。
“是的，阿瑟·鄧特。”
那人跳起舞來，雖然與樂隊那半死不活的伴奏完全不合拍。
“對，”他說，“只是山裏有個人想見你。”
“我見過他了。”
“對，只是他好象急着要見你。你懂吧。”
“是的，我見過他了。”

“對，只是想讓你知道。”
“我知道了。我見過他。”