經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第6章2
“Excuse me, sir?” said the insect icily. It did not care to be addressed in this manner.
“Zarniwoop. Get him, right? Get him now.”
“Well, sir,” snapped the fragile little creature, “if you could be a little cool about it…”
“Look,” said Zaphod, “I’m up to here with cool, OK? I’m so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat inside me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis. Now will you move before you blow it?”
“Well, if you’d let me explain, sir,” said the insect tapping the most petulant of all the tentacles at its disposal, “I’m afraid that isn’t possible right now as Mr. Zarniwoop is on an intergalactic cruise.”
Hell, thought Zaphod.
“When he’s going to be back?” he said.
“Back sir? He’s in his office.”
Zaphod paused while he tried to sort this particular thought out in his mind. He didn’t succeed.
“This cat’s on an intergalactic cruise… in his office?” He leaned forward and gripped the tapping tentacle.
“Listen, three eyes,” he said, “don’t you try to outweird me. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal.”
“Well, just who do you think you are, honey?” flounced the insect quivering its wings in rage, “Zaphod Beeblebrox or something?”
“Count the heads,” said Zaphod in a low rasp.
The insect blinked at him. It blinked at him again.
“You are Zaphod Beeblebrox?” it squeaked.
“Yeah,” said Zaphod, “but don’t shout it out or they’ll all want one.”
“The Zaphod Beeblebrox?”
“No, just a Zaphod Beeblebrox, didn’t you hear I come in six packs?”
The insect rattled its tentacles together in agitation.
“But sir,” it squealed, “I just heard on the sub-ether radio report. It said that you were dead…”
“Yeah, that’s right,” said Zaphod, “I just haven’t stopped moving yet. Now. Where do I find Zarniwoop?”
“Well, sir, his office is on the fifteenth floor, but…”
“But he’s on an intergalactic cruise, yeah, yeah, how do I get to him.”
“The newly installed Sirius Cybernetics Corporation Vertical People Transporters are in the far corner sir. But sir…”
Zaphod was turning to go. He turned back.
“Yeah?” he said.
“對不起，先生？”蟲子冷冰冰地說。它不太喜歡人家用這種語氣跟它說話。
“扎尼烏普。給我找到他，聽見了嗎？馬上把他給我找來。”
“嗯，先生，”這隻纖細的生物厲聲說，“如果你能夠稍微冷靜一點兒的話……”
“你瞧，”贊福德說，“我來這兒的時候很冷靜，不是嗎？我非常冷靜，拿半片肉放到我身上，保證一個月都不會壞。我非常沉着，沉得屁股都大了。在我一屁崩死你之前，請你趕快找到他。好嗎？”
“嗯，如果你允許我解釋的話，先生，”蟲子說，一邊準備好自己最兇猛的那隻觸角，“你想見他，但現在恐怕不行，因爲扎尼烏普先生正在進行一次星系際巡航。”
該死，贊福德想。
“他什麼時候回來？”他問。
“回來，先生？可他就在他的辦公室啊。”
贊福德頓了一下，想把這句彆彆扭扭的話理出個頭緒來，但沒有成功。
“這隻傻貓正在進行一次星系際巡航……在他的辦公室裏？”他往前一靠，一把抓住那隻正在敲擊的觸角。
“聽着，三隻眼的傢伙，”他說，“想搞怪，你怪得過我？我碰上的怪事多了，比你免掉我的早餐餐費更怪的事兒我都遇上過。”
“那麼，你以爲你是誰呢，親愛的？”蟲子掙扎着，憤怒地撲打着它的翅膀。“贊福德·畢博布魯克斯嗎，還是別的什麼人？”
“數數我的腦袋吧。”贊福德刺耳地低聲說到。
蟲子衝他眨了眨眼。然後又眨了眨。
“你就是贊福德·畢博布魯克斯？”它尖聲說。
“是的，”贊福德說，“但別大聲叫出來。否則這兒的所有人都會惦記我的。”
“那個贊福德·畢博布魯克斯？”
“不，只是一個贊福德·畢博布魯克斯。你怎麼想的？半打贊福德·畢博布魯克斯打包躉賣？”
蟲子激動萬分，觸角相擊，叭叭作響。
“可是，先生，”它尖聲說，“我剛剛纔聽了亞以太廣播報道，裏面說您已經死了……”
“是的，沒錯，”贊福德說，“我只是還在四下閒逛而已。現在，告訴我，我在哪兒能找到扎尼烏普？”
“嗯，先生，他的辦公室在15層，可是——”
“可是他正在進行一次星系際巡航，是嗎？我要怎樣才能見到他？”
“最新組裝完成的天狼星控制系統公司快樂人體垂直傳送器就在遠處的那個角落，先生。可是，先生……”
贊福德已經轉身準備離開了。他又轉回來。
“什麼事？”他問。
