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英語美文:無形的牆

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padding-bottom: 75%;">英語美文:無形的牆

  The Invisible Wall

和丈夫墮入愛河那一刻,我們正坐在舊公寓的客廳裏,眼前的白色長窗簾垂落在落地窗前。我們邊聊天,邊細呷着滾燙的黑咖啡。我們可以就一直這麼坐着聊天——有時候可以聊到第二天太陽升起。當時我對他魂牽夢繞,如癡如醉,爲自己能夠找到一生的至愛而激動不已。結婚那天是我一生中最快樂的日子。

I first fell in love with husband when we would sitand talk in the living room of my old apartment infront of the (ceiling-to-floor) windows with the long, white curtains, drinking cups of scalding,black coffee. We would just sit and talk-sometimes until sunrise. I was so completely thrilled tohave finally found that one special person and our wedding way was the happiest day of my life.

However, it was not long after our honeymoon when my husband climbed into the tomb called"the office" and wrapped his mind in a shroud of paperwork and buried himself in clients, and Isaid nothing for fear of turning into a nagging wife. It seemed as if overnight an invisible wallhad been erected between us.

When our daughter, Desiree was born she quickly became the center of my world. I watchedher grow from infant to toddler, and I no longer seemed to care that my husband was gettingbusier and spending less time at home. Somewhere between his work schedule and our homeand young daughter, we were losing touch with each other. That invisible wall was now beingcemented by the mortar of indifference.

Desiree went off to preschool and I returned to college to finish my degree, and I tried to findmyself in the courses I took; I complained with all the other young women on campus aboutmen who are insensitive. Sometimes late at night I cried and begged the whispering darknessto tell me who I really was, and my husband lay beside snoring like a hibernating bear unawareof my winter.

Then tragedy struck our lives, when my husband's younger brother was killed on September11, 2001, along with thousand of other innocent people. He made it out okay and spoke tohis wife to say he was going back in to help those that were still trapped. He was identifiedonly by the engraving on the inside of his wedding band.

Attending my brother's memorial service was an eye-opening experience for the both of the first time, we saw our own marriage was almost like my in-laws. At the tragic death ofthe youngest son they could not reach out console one another. It seemed as if somewherebetween the oldest son's first tooth and the youngest son's graduation they had lost eachother. Their wedding day photograph of the young, happy, smiling couple on the mantle of theirfireplace was almost mocking those two minds that no longer touched. They were living in suchan invisible wall between them that the heaviest battering with the strongest artillery would notpenetrate, when love dies it is not in a moment of angry battle or when fiery bodies lose theirheat; it lies broken and panting and exhausted at the bottom of a wall it cannot penetrate.

Recently one night, my husband told of his fear of dying. Until then he had been afraid toexpose his naked souls. I spoke of trying to find myself in the writings in my journal. Itseemed as if each of us had been hiding our soul-searching from the other.

We are slowly working toward building a bridge—not a wall, so that when we reach out to eachother, we do not find a barrier we cannot penetrate and recoil from the coldness of the stoneor retreat from the stranger on the other side.