簡單英語冷笑話
下面是本站小編整理的簡單英語冷笑話，希望大家會喜歡!
簡單英語冷笑話：輕率的插話
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
我所工作的精品傢俱商店是從20世紀二十年代以來就營業的。最近我接到一個婦女的電話。她想換一套餐具中的一些椅子。這套餐具她是在三十年代從我們這兒買的。我向她保證說我們可以幫她的忙，於是我向部門經理尋求幫助。“你永遠也不會相信，”我對他說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在三十年代從我們這裏買了一些椅子。” 我還沒來得及說她的要求，經理就打斷了我的話：“你別告訴我她到現在還沒收到貨!”
簡單英語冷笑話：他什麼都沒聽到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以爲常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。
簡單英語冷笑話：他什麼都沒聽到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對於顧客們的各種情緒早已習以爲常了。所以，有一天當一個生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺時，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什麼問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時候，我看到一個卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個早上都在家啊。他說他什麼都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之後，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形於色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什麼好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。
簡單英語冷笑話：有效
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
湯姆早上老起不來，所以上班總是遲到。他的老闆非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話就炒他的魷魚。於是，湯姆去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆藥丸並告訴他要在睡覺前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫生的話做了，睡得非常之好，事實上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然後興高采烈地開車上班去了。 “老闆”，湯姆說，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老闆說，“問題是，昨天你人哪去了”?
簡單英語冷笑話：她懷孕了嗎?
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the new doctors ... but after 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
有個婦女去看病，爲她診治的是一名年輕的醫生。檢查進行了大約四分鐘，她哭着跑了出去，在走廊裏面一邊跑一邊大叫着。一位老醫生攔住了她，問她發生了什麼事，婦女告訴了他事情的經過。聽她說完，老醫生讓她坐在另一間屋子裏放鬆一下，他自己穿過走廊來到新醫生的辦公室：“你是怎麼搞的?特里太太今年63歲，她的四個孩子都成年了，還有7個孫子孫女，可是你居然對她說她懷孕了?”新醫生繼續做着他的紀錄，眼皮都沒擡一下：“她現在還打嗝嗎?”
簡單英語冷笑話：代課教師
A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up." Right away, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
代課教師試圖運用她的心理學知識。開始上課時，她說：“誰覺得自己很愚蠢，請站起來。”小約翰馬上站起來了。老師問：“爲什麼你覺得你很愚蠢呢，小約翰?”“我不覺得我很蠢，只是我不願意你一個人站在那!”
簡單英語冷笑話：小心有狗!
As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖着的一個告示牌上寫着，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什麼?” “因爲，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”
簡單英語冷笑話：在天堂結婚
A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer. Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?" St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!"
一對年輕的夫婦在去結婚的路上出了車禍，雙雙死去了。於是，他們來到了聖徒彼得面前，妻子問是否她還可以和丈夫結婚，聖徒彼得告訴他們，關於這個問題他一有了結果就會回來找他們。差不多30天以後，聖徒彼得回來了，並且告訴他們可以在天堂結婚。妻子又問：“如果生活的不愉快，我們可不可以離婚呢?”聖徒彼得看着她，回答說：“夫人，我花了30天才找到個傳教士，難道你真的希望我再去找個律師嗎?”
簡單英語冷笑話：點名
On my first day of classes at my university I took a front-row seat in my literature course. The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began, "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
大學的第一天，文學課我坐在了前排。教授告訴我們這學期必須得讀五本書，他提供我們可供選擇的作者名單。隨後他緩步走上講臺，拿出課本，“貝克、布萊克、布魯斯、卡特、庫克…”爲了寫下所有的名字，我不得不瘋狂的作着記錄。這時有人輕輕的拍我肩膀，坐在我後面的學生悄悄告訴我：“他在點名呢。”
簡單英語冷笑話：最希望得到的簽名
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
我們大學的校報開辦了一個每週一問的專欄。上週的問題是：“你最想要什麼人的簽名?爲什麼?”和預計的一樣，大部分的回答都是歌星、體育明星或者政治家。但是，最優秀的答案來自一個一年級新生，他說：“在我畢業證上簽字的那個人。”
簡單英語冷笑話：動機
My English professor once launched into a lecture on "motivation." "What pushes you ahead?" he asked. "What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?" Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: "What makes you get out of bed in the morning?" The student replied: "My mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講“動機”。“是什麼推動你在人生的路上向前走?”他問道，“是什麼讓你每天上學來?又是什麼驅使你追求成功?”衝着一個女學生，他問：“是什麼讓你早晨從牀上爬起來的呢?”學生答道：“我媽媽。”
簡單英語冷笑話：班級、情人和蠢驢
Professor Tom was going to meet his students on the next day, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: "Professor Tom will meet the class tomorrow." A student, seeing his chance to display his sense of humor after reading the notice, walked up and erased the "c" in the word "class." The Professor noticing the laughter, wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the "c" erased--calmly walked up and erased the "l" in "lass", looked at the flabbergasted student and proceeded on his way.
湯姆教授打算第二天與他的學生見面，因此他在黑板上寫道：“湯姆教授明天將和大家見面”。一位學生看到這條通知後，覺得展示自己幽默感的機會來了，就走上前，將“class”中的“c”擦掉，教授聽到笑聲，轉過身走回來，看了看那位學生，又看看被改動過的通知，不動聲色地走上前，把“lass” 中的“l”擦掉，看了看那位目瞪口呆的學生，教授揚長而去。
