英語搞笑笑話6篇

幽默寓於笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。笑話是幽默的載體，一個成功的笑話能流傳千古。下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語搞笑笑話一：How can I get into heaven 我怎麼才能上天堂

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"No!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church everyday, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "No!"

"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫舉行義賣, 並把所有的錢給窮人，我能進天堂嗎?”我問主日學校的孩子。

孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”

“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，並且把東西都收拾得乾淨整潔，我會上天堂嗎?”

回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續問, “那我要怎樣才能昇天堂呢?”

一個五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”

　　英語搞笑笑話二：I Want Her to go Nuts

Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But you're not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Flinders." It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

福林德斯夫人決定讓人給她畫肖像。她告訴那位肖像畫家說：“畫我帶着鑽石耳環、鑽石項鍊、祖母綠手鐲，還有紅寶石垂飾。”

“但你現在沒帶這其中的任何一樣飾品。”

“我知道。”福林德斯夫人說，“萬一我先我丈夫死去，我肯定他會立刻再婚。我要讓那個女人爲尋找這些珠寶而發瘋。”

　　英語搞笑笑話三：是哪兩個詞?

What Are The Two Words?A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter.“My dear，” said the old lady，“I wish you would do something for me.I wish you would promise me never to use two is‘lousy’and the other is‘swell’d you promise me that? “Why，sure，Granny，”said the girl.“What are the two words?”

一個非常高貴的老夫人有幾句話要對她的孫女說。“我親愛的，”老夫人說：“我希望你能幫我一個忙。我要你答應永遠不要用兩個詞。一個是‘討厭的’，另一個是‘極好的’。你能答應我嗎?” “噢，當然，奶奶。”女孩說：“是哪兩個詞?”

　　英語搞笑笑話四：

1. Mother:"I sent my little boy for two pounds of plums and you gave him a pound and a half."

母親：“我派自己的小孩買兩磅李子，你卻給了他一磅半。”

Shopkeeper:"My scales are all right, madam. Have you weighed your little boy?"

店主：“我的秤沒問題，太太。你稱過兒子了嗎?”

2. "Mama, why does the puppy drink the water in the slot?"

“媽媽，小狗爲什麼要喝水溝裏的水?”

"Because it's thirsty."

“因爲它渴了。”

"Oh, I know that the puppy has no money to buy coke!"

“噢，我知道了，是小狗沒有錢買可樂!”

3. Two little boys were looking at an abstract painting in an art shop.

兩個小男孩正在一家美術店看一幅抽象畫。

"Let's run," said one, "or they say we did it."

“咱們快跑吧，”其中一個男孩說道，“不然他們會說是我們乾的。”

4. Little Mike was visiting on his grandparents' farm. Checking the chicken's tail, he came upon a peacock. He ranquickly to the house shouting, "Granny, come quick! Your chicken is in bloom!"

小邁克正在參觀爺爺奶奶的農場。他在雞羣中看到一隻孔雀。他馬上跑向屋子，大聲喊道：“奶奶，快來!你的一隻雞開花了!”

5. The neighbor often borrowed my inflator.

鄰居經常借我家的打氣筒。

One day, my four-year-old daughter suddenly told me:"Papa, what shall we do if the air of our inflator is used up?"

有一天，4歲的女兒突然告訴我說：“爸爸，我們的打氣筒裏面的氣用完了怎麼辦?”

　　英語搞笑笑話五：Child asks Parents

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

I Know Your Secret

Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want."

The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret."

The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10."

The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15."

The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"

　　英語搞笑笑話六：Golfer 高爾夫球手

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill(蟻冢).

Rather than move the ball, he decided1 to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty2 swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

So he tried another shot3. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

從前有個高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。

他沒有移動球的位置，而是決定就地擊球。於是他使勁一揮球杆，塵土和着螞蟻，四處飛揚。所有的東西都動了，除了那隻球，它呆在原地，一動沒動。

於是，他準備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚，螞蟻們也再次跟着遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲不動。

兩隻螞蟻倖免於難，一隻暈暈乎乎地對另一隻說：“哇，我們怎麼辦啊?”

另一隻螞蟻說：“我不知道你怎麼想，但是我準備爬到那隻球上去。”