五年級英語笑話

下面是本站小編整理的五年級英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助。

　　五年級英語笑話：

A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,'Get the kid.'

這裏想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話，千萬別進退休社區。因爲那裏人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，擡東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的幹吧。”

Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?

Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.

Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?

Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.

媽媽：弗雷迪，你的臉爲什麼那麼紅?

弗雷迪：我剛纔在大街上跑，爲的是阻止一次打架?

媽媽：你做的對，誰和誰在打架。

弗雷迪：我和傑克·史密斯。

　　五年級英語笑話：

有個人不小心撞了一個外國人。

他：I'm sorry

外:I'm sorry ,too.

他:I'm sorry ,three

外:What are you sorry for ?

他:I'm sorry ,five.

相當簡單~

　　五年級英語笑話：A Smart Parrot 聰明的鸚鵡

A curious guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings1. "Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch2 you fool!!" screeches3 the parrot.

有個人去寵物店買鸚鵡。在那裏，他看見有隻鸚鵡的左腿被紅線繫住，右腿則被綠線繫住。對此他感到不解，於是他問該店的老闆，老闆回答說：“這隻鸚鵡受過特殊的訓練。如果拉紅線，它就講法語，拉綠線，它則講德語。”

這個好奇的人接着問，“要是我兩條線都拉，會怎麼樣呢?”

“我就會掉下來了，你這個傻瓜!!”鸚鵡尖叫着說。

　　五年級英語笑話：Not so fast 別那麼急嘛

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala(歡慶的) charity event was taking place.

Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make a contribution.

"Great idea!" the chicken cried."Let's offer hem1 ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig testily2. "For you, that's a contribution. For me, it's a total commitment."

一隻豬和一隻雞路過一所教堂，那裏有一場盛大慈善活動正在進行着。

在精神上收到觸動的豬向小雞提出建議：他們每個人作出點自己的貢獻。

“好主意!”雞尖叫道，“讓我們給腿和雞蛋吧?”

“着什麼急”豬不耐煩地說，“對你來說，是一個貢獻，對我來說，這是一個完全的獻身。”

　　五年級英語笑話：The boy and the snails 男孩和蝸牛

A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

一個鄉下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛後，就準備點火烤着吃。火點着了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅殼的深處，同時還發出“噝噝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的傢伙，怎麼還能有心情在窩裏着火時吹口哨呢?”

　　五年級英語笑話：Don't Argue with Children 不要和小孩爭論

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically1 impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated2 that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。

她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因爲儘管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那個小女孩說約拿(一位西伯來先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。

她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”

那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”

她的老師問：“那麼，假如約拿下了地獄怎麼辦?”

那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”

　　五年級英語笑話：A Duel 決鬥

Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。

顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麼事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說，我向拉里挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”

“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”

　　五年級英語笑話：Neither 都不是

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your Mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

正值當地競選時期，候選人到他的區域的千家萬戶登門拜訪。

候選人來到了一家門口，一個小男孩開了門。“告訴我，年輕人，”候選人問道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”

“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

　　五年級英語笑話：太晚了 It's Too Late

A medical student was called on to state how much of a certain drug he would give to a patient. He promptly replied: "Five grains."

A minute later the student asked the professor, "May I correct my answer?" The professor looked at his watch and said: "It's too late. Your patient died thirty seconds ago."

一個醫科學生被要求說明他給病人服的那種藥的用量。他立即回答道：“五粒。”

一分鐘後，這個學生問教授：“我可以改正我的回答嗎?”教授看看手錶，說：“太晚啦，你的病人已在30秒鐘以前死了。”

　　五年級英語笑話：因禍得福 To Profit from a Misfortune

A man was a butterfingers. He had been suffering from unemployment for months.

At last he found a job in a chinaware house. He had worked only a few days when he dropped a large vase.

The manager summoned him to the office and told him that money would be deducted from his wages every week until the vase was paid for. He asked: "How much did it cost?" "Five hundred dollars." said the manager. "Oh, that's wonderful," he said happily, "I'm so happy that I have got a steady job at last."

有一個人很粗心，老是打爛東西。他已失業好幾個月了。

最後他在一個瓷器店找到了一個工作。可是才幹了幾天，他就打爛了一個很大的花瓶。

經理把他到辦公室去，告訴他每個星期都要扣他的工錢，直到賠償夠了爲止。他就問：“那個花瓶值多少錢?”經理說：“值500美元。”他很高興地說：“啊!太妙了，我非常高興，終於有個穩定的工作啦。”

　　五年級英語笑話：我幹得怎麼樣 How did I do

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people." A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that !" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this is a bus stop!"

一名新警察與老警察開着警車第一次出去巡邏。 他們得到命令去疏散一羣閒逛的人，於是他們開車去了那條街，看到路口站着一羣人。

新警察搖下窗戶：“大家注意了，快離開這裏。”人們看了他幾眼，沒理他。他喊起來：“離開這裏，馬上離開!”大家都不知道怎麼回事，但是在他的威脅下還是離開了。

新警察對他第一次執行公務的結果很滿意，對老警察說：“我幹得怎麼樣?”“你做得很好，”老警察笑着說，“尤其是在公共汽車站。”

　　五年級英語笑話：我可以回家了

Now i can go home

One day after school the teacher said to his students，“Tomorrow morning，if any one of you can answer my first question.I'll permit him or her to go home earlier.” The next day，when the teacher came into the classroom，he found the blackboard was very angry and asked，“Who did it?Please stand up! ” “It' s me，”said Bob，“Now，I can go home，Good-bye，Sir! ”

我 可 以 回 家 了

一天，放學以後，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能回答我的第一個問題，我就准許他或她最先回家。”第二天，老師走進教室時發現黑板已被亂塗，他非常生氣地問：“誰塗的? 請站起來。”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見。”