11則英文爆笑故事
下面是本站小編整理的11則英文爆笑故事，希望大家喜歡!
英文爆笑故事1：
Workman：“n，I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages. I have just been married.” Employer：“Very sorry，my dear man， but I can't helpyou. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside thefactory we are not responsible.”
工人：“布朗先生，我想請您給我加一點工資。我剛剛結了婚。” 僱主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我無能爲力。對工人在廠外發生的事故我們概不負責。”
英文爆笑故事2：
Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town. Sotired had the authorities become of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb. Accordinglyhe was prepared for burial. The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon. As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it?” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive.” “I'll give him a bushel of corn，” said one.“And I will，”said another. Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor?” “No，you must do that yourself.” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on.”
塞思·史密斯被公認爲鎮上頭號懶人。長官們實在懶得再供養他，便決定把他送進一個天然墳墓裏去。於是他被準備着去埋葬，靈車是一輛搖搖晃晃的鄉下舊馬車。正當這列奇怪的送葬隊伍在行進時，一些老街坊問道：“這是誰啊?”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懶得沒法活了，我們這就去把他活埋。”“我來給他一蒲式耳穀子吧，”一個人說。“我也給，”另一個說。 塞思慢慢擡起頭來問道：“穀子脫粒了嗎，街坊?” “沒有，你得自己來。”他緩緩把頭放回原處說：“接着走吧，孩子們，接着走吧。”
英文爆笑故事3：
Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.
The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."
The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my offee."
"We won't," the other two promised.
Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."
Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."
三隻烏龜決定去喝咖啡。它們剛到咖啡店的門口，就下起雨來。於是最大的那隻烏龜對最小的烏龜說，“回家去取傘吧。”
最小的烏龜說，“如果你們不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”
“我們不喝，”另外兩隻烏龜答應說。
兩年後，大烏龜對中烏龜說，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回來了，我們可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”
正在這時，一個聲音從門外傳來，“你們要是喝了，我就不去。”
英文爆笑故事4：
4-year-old Begin and his cousin scrambled (攀爬，爭搶) for toys. His mum told him: “ You are older brother because you’re older than your (cousin) sister. You should give ground to her. ” Begin thought a little but maintained(堅持) : “ My sister must give ground to me when she grows older than I.” His uncle around overheard and said : “Such a thing hardly occurs.”
四歲的貝京和小妹妹爭玩具。媽媽對他說：“你大，你是哥哥，要讓着小妹妹點兒。” 貝京想了想，堅持說：“等妹妹長得比我大了，她也得讓着我。”姨夫在一旁聽了說：“這種情況相當罕見。
英文爆笑故事5：
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。”
英文爆笑故事6：
The Astronaut Pen During the heat of the space race in the 1960s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of approximately $1 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
在二十世紀六十年代，美國和蘇聯正處於太空競賽的白熱化階段，美國航空航天局決定研製一種圓珠筆，以便在太空艙重力爲零的環境下仍然可以書寫。經過大量的研發工作，花費了大約一百萬美元的成本，太空筆終於研製出來了。那支筆果然可以在太空書寫，在回到地球后，作爲一樣新奇的小玩意兒也確實吸引了一些目光。而面臨着同樣難題的蘇聯，則選擇了一支鉛筆。
英文爆笑故事7：
George comes from school on the first of September."George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother."I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裏。“喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎?” 媽媽問。“媽媽，我不喜歡，因爲她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。”
英文爆笑故事8：
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"
"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
動物園爲剛引進的袋鼠建了一個特殊的八英尺高的圍牆。但是第二天早上，人們發現這動物在圍牆外面蹦跳着。於是圍牆高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園經理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍牆高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。一個長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認爲他們會把圍牆建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續開着大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”
英文爆笑故事9：
Sir William Thompson was very deaf but he did not like people to know this. One evening he had invited several friendsto dinner， and while they were sitting at the table， one of thefriends told a funny story. Everyone laughed， and SirWilliam， who had laughed as loud as anyone， said，“That was a very funny joke， but I know a funnier one. Would you liketo hear it?” They all said they would， so Sir William began hisstory. When it ended， everyone laughed louder than ever andSir William smiled happily. But he didn't know the reason for their laughter. He had told the very same story that his friendhad just told.
威廉·湯普森爵士非常聾，但他卻不願意讓別人知道這 件事，一天晚上，他邀請了幾位朋友吃飯。在就餐的時候，一 位朋友講了個有趣的故事，大都笑了，湯普森也和別人一 樣放聲大笑，他說：“這是個十分有趣的笑話，但是我還知道 一個更有趣的笑話，你們願意聽嗎?”朋友們都說願意聽。於 是，湯普森開始講他的故事。當故事講完時，大家笑得比方纔 還厲害，湯普森的臉上露出了欣慰的笑容。但他卻不知道別 人發笑的原因。原來，他講的正是方纔那位朋友講的故事。
英文爆笑故事10：
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely. Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right. “It's good to see，”said the king，“that we have one real man in the these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.” “Your Majesty，”came the reply in a squealing voice，“it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.”
古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裏所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。國王說：“看到我們國家裏還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，爲什麼在他們當中只有你一個人
英文爆笑故事11：
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
布朗夫人：哦，
親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了!
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!
布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。”
