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美國總統做過的十大惡作劇(上)

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We've all seen the "before" and "after" pictures of presidents, and we know how stressful the job is. It takes a certain kind of stern, driven person to become head reptilian overlord (or "president," to the uninformed). But behind the wrinkled facade there sometimes lies a heart made of whoopee cushions. It turns out US presidents loved pranks as much as anybody.

我們幾乎都見過總統上任之前和卸任之後的照片,對比之中就很容易發現總統是一份很有壓力的工作,意志堅定精力充沛的人才能勝任。其實臉上長滿皺紋的總統有時候隱藏着一顆逗比的心,以下排行榜展示了美國總統和普通人一樣愛搞惡作劇。

nhower Thought Potentially Starting A War Was Hilarious

10.放假消息偷着樂的艾森豪威爾

美國總統做過的十大惡作劇(上)

Eisenhower was a serious man. He planned D-Day and warned us of the military-industrial complex. But he also had a great sense of humor, which almost ruined his career. During his first major assignment taking a caravan from coast to coast along the highways, he decided to pull a prank on the junior officers—"easterners," as he called them. The plan was for them to be given "a taste of the authentic West."

一向嚴肅的艾森豪威爾曾指揮諾曼底登陸並且提醒人們警惕軍工複合體。他也有很強的幽默感,但這差點毀了他的事業。有一次他開着敞篷車沿着高速公路去一個又一個海岸視察工作時,突然想去戲弄一下來自東部被他稱作東方人的下級官員,讓他們知道來自西部德克薩斯州的他的厲害。

Eisenhower and his close friend Sereno Brett planned and launched a fake "Indian attack" in Wyoming. He staged a fake argument about the trouble in the area (an area actually known for attacks), put blanks in the guns, handed them to the men, and then sneaked out during the night to shout war cries and stage false fronts. They only considered their prank a success once they got the sentry on duty to fire the shotgun at them, which they found endlessly hilarious. In the morning, the shaken-up young soldier almost sent a report requesting reinforcements, but Eisenhower stopped him before he could do so.

艾森豪威爾和他的好朋友塞雷納·佈雷特在懷俄明州散佈印度將要襲擊美國的假消息。他在一個地區發表了一些關於這次襲擊的危言聳聽的言論(這個地區的人實際都知道這次襲擊是假的),逮捕黑人並交給警察,然後晚上偷偷摸摸地到前線放出槍聲。當士兵循着槍聲趕來時,他跟佈雷特內心陣陣竊喜,覺得這次惡作劇很成功。第二天早上,恐慌的年輕士兵便發電報請求兵力支援,本能阻止的艾森豪威爾卻並沒有這樣做。

ew Jackson Was A Bit Of A Brute

9.缺心眼的安德魯·傑克森

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Andrew Jackson's pranks were a little isticated than those of the other presidents. Early in his law career, Jackson attended a pleasant dinner at a local tavern. As a joke, he broke all the plates, shattered the glasses, split the table in two, and then lit it all on fire. Funny! Another time, he put a bit more thought into his joke. When Jackson was a young man, he was tasked with organizing a Christmas party. It was supposed to be an elegant affair, but the future president decided to invite the local prostitutes. Jackson found it hilarious, but the elite were incredibly offended, while the prostitutes were humiliated. Jackson ultimately apologized for his insensitive joke.

安德魯·傑克森的惡作劇比起其他總統的似乎有點弱智。在他法律行業的早期,他在一個小酒館參加了一個令人愉快的晚宴。他開玩笑地砸爛了所有的碗碟和玻璃,把桌子椅子一摔兩半然後一把火給燒了。更有意思的是,在又一次的晚會中,他在他的玩笑中加入了更多新奇的主意。當時還很年輕的傑克森被派去組織聖誕節這樣一個正式的晚宴,然而這位未來的總統卻決定邀請當地的妓女。剛開始他以爲會很好玩,但是當妓女們都一致認爲他是在羞辱她們時,他才真正地明白了,最後爲他不經大腦思考的玩笑道歉。

Perhaps emblematic of his personality is the fact that he was not able to take a joke. After a duel, he was once jokingly presented with a slab of bacon—a reference to Jackson's reliance on Matthew Bacon's Abridgement of the Law. Jackson didn't get the joke and stared his opponent into icy submission.

也許他的性格本身就不適合開玩笑。在一次決鬥後,他帶着一片培根出席——暗指他所依賴的"馬修·培根縮減法"。然而決鬥中他並未開玩笑只是兩眼盯着他的對手,最後他的對手不戰而屈。

ge H. W. Bush Impersonated An Attorney General

8.假冒辯護律師的老布什

美國總統做過的十大惡作劇(上) 第3張

George H. W. Bush has spent his later years as an extreme skydiver, and his hobbies now also include mail fraud and impersonating a public official to prank his wife. Mrs. Bush found some dirty pictures on her computer due to one of her grandchildren looking at pornography. She was very upset, and when the former president found out about it, he decided to do something. That "something," however, was not trying to find the actual culprit but to deceive his wife into thinking she was in trouble for searching obscene images.

老布什把他的後半生花在了極限跳傘運動上,他不僅喜歡當郵局騙子,還喜歡假冒官員戲耍他的妻子芭芭拉·布什。老布什在芭芭拉的電腦上發現了一些不堪入目的照片,這是孫子借她的電腦看色情照片時留下的。芭芭拉對此一直很困擾 ,老布什知道後決定做點什麼。不過搞笑的是,老布什不去抓事情元兇而是去騙芭芭拉讓她在色情照片問題上知難而退。

Bush used official stationary from the state of Maine and wrote a letter to his wife as the Attorney General of Maine that read: "It has come to our attention that you have been using your computer to go on porn websites." Bush then took it to the post office so it would be mailed with the correct postage and had his wife open it in front of everyone. She was not amused.

老布什用緬因州的官方形式假冒代理辯護律師給芭芭拉寫了一封信,信中這樣寫道:您一直用電腦登陸黃色網站,這已引起我們的注意。然後老布什跑到郵局把這封信寄給芭芭拉,並讓她當衆打開這封信。很顯然,芭芭拉一點都不覺得好笑。

ton Trashed The White House

7.毀壞白宮的克林頓

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The Clinton administration decided to play some fraternity-style pranks on the new Bush administration. They essentially destroyed the White House. Staffers, with the apparent consent of the President (when pressed, several Clinton administration officials confirmed they had played the pranks), ripped phone cords from the walls, left obscene voice mails, covered the desks in glue, and stole antiques.

克林頓的管理人員決定捉弄一下兄弟般的原先老布什在任時的管理人員,他們基本毀壞白宮。他們在得到克林頓的明確贊同後行動起來,扯斷了電話線,在語音信箱裏留下色情錄音,把所有桌子塗成藍色,偷走古董等。

Some of the pranks were actually quite funny, like when someone stole every letter "W" from the computer keyboards. Others were a lot less good-natured and actually quite bitter. Notes were affixed to cabinets that read "GET OUT" or "Hail to the Thief," and stickers were put up displaying tasteful portraits of George Bush as a monkey. All-in-all, they did about $15,000 worth of Clintons tried to defend themselves by saying all presidents played outgoing transition pranks. They cited Bush-Quayle bumper stickers they had found stuck to desks in 1993 as evidence. Eventually, they caved and admitted their mistakes, going so far as to call Dick Cheney and apologize.

其中有些惡作劇非常好笑—他們偷走每一臺電腦鍵盤上的W字母按鍵。而其他的一些就顯得就有點粗暴—他們在櫥櫃上貼上帶有"滾蛋"和"歡迎小偷光顧"的便條,並且把一些老布什雅緻的肖像畫搞成猴子一樣來展示。最後,他們損壞了價值總計15000美金的物品。事後,克林頓和管理人員說總統們都應該對惡作劇抱以開明的態度,然後又舉例說他們1993年發現老布什的保險槓上的貼紙都在桌子上粘着,其實一切都是爲了逃避責任。最終,他們不得不承認自己的錯誤,向迪克·切尼打電話道歉。

on B. Johnson's "Drowning" Car

6.水中開車的林頓·貝恩斯·約翰遜

美國總統做過的十大惡作劇(上) 第5張

Lyndon B. Johnson probably pulled the most stunts of anyone on this list, and he most definitely pulled off the most provocative ones. Johnson was a complicated and troubled man. There is evidence he may have had some sexual issues, namely he loved to show off his penis. He would pee in the washbasin and wave his little Johnson at the women of the White House while exclaiming, "Jumbo had a real workout tonight."

林頓·貝恩斯·約翰遜大概是榜單裏最炫酷的一位,同時他也是一個矛盾複雜的多面體。有一些證據顯示他在性方面有點古怪—比如他喜歡秀他的陰莖。他常常在臉盆裏小便,喜歡在白宮女人面前秀他的小雞雞,並且大叫"今晚要進行航空演練"!

Despite this sexually aggressive behavior, Johnson did have one trick up his sleeve that was quite hilarious. It was a routine practical joke he would play on unsuspecting visitors to his ranch in Texas. He would retreat to his ranch for rest and relaxation when he needed to escape the pressure of being president. However, his idea of relaxation included terrifying other people. During nice summer days, Johnson would take his friends and family for nice little tours around the property in a blue convertible. But as soon as he reached the steep incline that led to the lake, he'd begin to freak out and scream, "The brakes don't work! The brakes won't hold!" as they rushed faster and faster to a liquid death. People would scream and try to jump out of the car, but to no avail. The president would let the car crash into the water only to start howling with laughter as it began to cruise along again. See, the president apparently was friends with James Bond's R&D department and had an "Amphicar," a car that could turn into a speedboat. He loved to share it with people, so long as those people got thoroughly terrified first.

除了這些肆意的性行爲,他更有令人發笑的捉弄人的高招。在一次參觀他位於德克薩斯州的農場的活動中,例行公事的他在百般無聊中突然想出一個壞主意。爲了緩解工作壓力來農莊休閒的他現在一肚子壞水,想要嚇唬一下別人。在美好的夏日中,約翰遜帶着他的朋友家人開着藍色敞篷車在農場周邊遊玩。當他將要開過位於湖邊的陡坡時,突然興奮起來,大叫"剎車壞了,控制不住了!"於是車越開越快,一頭衝進了湖裏。車上的人驚慌失措,紛紛努力逃離車子,但是都無濟於事。而約翰遜卻一臉得意,大笑起來,不慌不忙地繼續開車,原來跟詹姆斯·邦德的研究與發展部關係密切的他在那裏搞了一輛在水裏好似遊艇的水陸兩用車。然後他笑嘻嘻地跟人們分享這件事,不過這些人好像還都沒從剛纔的驚嚇中緩過勁來。

翻譯:Time 來源:前十網