爸爸講起冷笑話來，比西伯利亞寒潮更膩害大綱
Despite birthday clowns and stand-up comedians dominating the scene, we all know that the best jokesters are dads with their punny humor and groan-inducing quips. Although not everyone is a big fan of that type of comedy gold, there is a certain amount of appreciation any person can have for a well-timed pun. Especially if it's followed by thunderous laughter from the person and the classic finger-guns pose. Scroll down below to see some of the best dad jokes around and don't forget to comment and vote for your favorites.
衆所周知，除了生日小丑和獨角滑稽秀演員，最厲害的段子手就是各家的爸爸們。他們最擅長一詞多用，妙語連珠。儘管他們這種喜劇風格並不是所有的人都鍾愛，但對於一個不失時機的小笑話，任何人都會報以好感，哪怕是極少的一點好感。如果講笑話的人講完笑話又開始發出雷鳴般的傻笑，再加上一個經典的“槍”型手勢，觀衆們更是控制不住要發笑了。往下翻，看看下面從全網蒐集的最佳“爸爸笑話”。別忘了寫番評論，給你最喜歡的投票。
y, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
今天我的兒子問我“能給我張書籤嗎？”我頓時淚如泉涌。他已經11歲了，仍不知道我的名字叫Brian.
網友評論：
So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it!
Brian我真爲你難過，有一天他會明白的。
wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
我妻子說我毫無方向感，爲此她非常生氣。所以我收拾好自己的行李就向右走了。
網友評論：
I love this one.
好喜歡這個笑話
: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
爸爸：我進城的路上一直在聽收音機，聽說有個女明星剛剛自殺了。
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
哦天吶！是誰呀?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
呃，我不記得了……我記得好像叫Reese什麼什麼吧
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
媽媽: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife……
爸爸：不，好像是用一把刀
網友評論：
Groan - nice one!
大笑不止——這個笑話真不錯！
（注： WITHERSPOON與with a spoon諧音）
you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
你知不知道，第一份法國薯條其實不是在法國誕生的？它們是在希臘誕生的。
網友評論：
This was so stupid that i actually laughed out loud.
這個笑話好蠢，我都笑出聲了。
（注：Greece與greese諧音）
a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
如果一個孩子拒絕在午睡時間睡覺，他們會因拘捕獲罪嗎？
網友評論：
If the kid wants to avoid a rest, he should go under cover ;)
如果那孩子想逃避追捕，他應該尋求掩護
（注：resisting a rest還可以理解爲“拒絕休息”，undercover還可以理解成“躲在披蓋下面”）
6.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
我在讀一本關於反重力的書。我無法把它放下來！
網友評論：
You must obey gravity, it's the law
你不能違抗重力，這是自然法則。
do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
你怎麼稱呼一個既沒有身體，也沒有鼻子的人？沒人知道
網友評論：
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
你怎麼稱呼一隻沒有眼睛的鹿？我也不知道。
（注：Nobody knows與no body nose諧音；no idea與no eye deer諧音）
8.I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
我在亞馬遜上訂購了一隻雞，一個雞蛋。我會讓你們知道結果的。
網友評論：
Eggs still came first, but for another reason. The first chicken had to come out of a chicken egg as it would otherwise not be called that. The animal that lay it however, does not nessecarily had to be a chicken (yet).
肯定是先有蛋，纔有雞。不過我有新的解釋。第一隻雞肯定是從雞蛋裏孵出來的，否則“雞蛋”就不叫“雞蛋”了。而下蛋的動物並不一定是雞（或許還沒進化成雞）。
is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
世界上最少人使用的語言是哪種語言？手語。
網友評論：
You got me.
戳中我的笑點。
（注： the least spoken language還可以理解成“說的人最少的語言”）
daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me..
我女兒對我尖叫說，“爸——爸，我說的話你一個字都沒聽到，對不對？”想跟爸爸說話，一開始就來這樣一句，真奇怪啊!
網友評論：
Nice one!
這個笑話不錯！
11.A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
在牙買加，一份蘋果派的價格是2.5美元，在巴哈馬羣島是3美元。由此可以知道加勒比海沿岸的派的價格。
網友評論：
Ha!Nice
不錯
（注：pie與π諧音，These are the pie rates of the Caribbean這句話還可以理解爲“由此可以計算出加勒比海沿岸的圓周率”）
wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
我妻子想用一隻手解開我女兒身上的安全帶，她說“那些只有一條胳膊的媽媽是怎麼做到這件事的呢？”我不失時機的回覆到，“獨自一個人做到。”
網友評論：
Ha!That was just before she swiped at you
她聽完一定會錘你。
（注：Single handedly可以有兩種意思，一是“單手”。二是“獨自一人”）
ice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.
正義應該是一道冷盤。如果它是一道熱菜，它就應該寫作justwater
網友評論：
Took me a few secs to get it but, well done.
我想了一會兒才明白過來，幹得好！
friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
我的朋友一直對我說，“兄弟，振作起來！你的情況已經算不錯了！幸好你不是被困在地下一個注滿水的洞裏！”我知道他是一番好意。
網友評論：
A well is an underground hole full of water.
“井”就是地下注滿水的洞。
（注：he means well還可以理解成“他指的是一口井”）
: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."
媽媽：“我看起來怎麼樣？”爸爸：“用你的眼睛啊！”
網友評論：
I need to use this for every person that asks me this question
我會對每個向我問這個問題的人這樣回答。
（注：How do I look還可以理解成“我是怎麼看見世界的？”這裏爸爸利用了這層意思）
