第117期:真正的傾聽
今天分享的是一篇英語美文——真正的傾聽。
True listening, total concentration on the other, is always a manifestation of love. An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker's world from the inside, stepping inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension and enlargement of ourself, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is again begun. The energy required for the discipline of bracketing and the focusing of total attention is so great that it can be accomplished only by love, by the will to extend oneself for mutual growth. Most of the time we lack this energy. Even though we may feel in our business dealings or social relationships that we are listening very hard, what we are usually doing is listening selectively, with a preset agenda in mind, wondering as we listen how we can achieve certain desired results and get the conversation over with as quickly as possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us.
真正的傾聽，意味着把注意力放在他人身上，它是愛的具體表現形式。此時，傾聽者能夠暫時把個人想法和慾望放在一旁，儘可能地體會說話者的感受。說話者和傾聽者都能感受到愛的力量，進而都能實現自我完善。傾聽者把注意力放在對方的話語上，會使說話者心有靈犀，更爲坦誠，更願把心靈全部敞開，而不是有所隱藏。這能增進雙方的理解和信任，心心相印，共同跳起愛的“雙人芭蕾舞”。這是耗費精力的過程，而且須以愛爲出發點。基於共同成長、自我完善的意願，才能夠達到傾聽的目的。但是，我們通常缺少傾聽的能力。不管是在商務活動還是在社交生活中，長時間傾聽他人講話，是叫人難受的事。我們只是有選擇地傾聽，頭腦中早已有優先項目安排，所以，我們總是一邊傾聽，一邊想着怎樣儘快達到目的，怎樣使談話儘早結束。我們也常常轉移話題，靈活地把談話主旨加以調整，以便讓自己感到滿意。
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