生活不易 男友加薪房租怎麼攤
My partner and I work.for the same company in Germany. Both have roughly the same experience and do similar work. He is German — I am not, I have moved to the country to be with him. He has just received a rise in his salary and now earns 20 per cent more than I do. Am I right to expect to share our expenses pro rata? I would be happy with the 20 per cent in our biggest expense — rent, and drop it for everything else (food, travel, etc). What do you think?
我和我的伴侶都在德國的一家公司工作。我們倆有着差不多一樣的工作經驗，也做着相似的工作。他是德國人——我不是，我爲了和他在一起纔來到這個國家定居。他剛剛加了薪，現在他賺的比我多20%。我希望按收入比例來分攤我們的花銷，這樣合適嗎？我會很高興能把這20%花在我們最大的花銷——房租上，還有其他一切（食物，旅行，等等）。你怎麼看？
Manager, female, 33
經理，女性，33歲
Who pays for what in a relationship is not something I can help you with. Almost everyone is weird about money and for a relationship to work it helps if both parties are weird in the same way.
在一段感情關係中，誰來爲什麼東西付錢，這不是我能幫上忙的地方。幾乎每個人在錢的問題上都有點奇怪，如果雙方奇怪的方式一致，那對這段感情是有幫助的。
Some people like formulaic agreements, working out who pays what down to the last farthing. Some prefer looser arrangements or none at all. Some share everything. Some nothing. The only person who can sort this out for you is your partner.
一些人喜歡訂立一板一眼的協議，連一個子兒由誰來付都算得清清楚楚。一些人喜歡隨意一些的安排，或者根本沒有安排。一些人什麼都拿來分享。一些人什麼也不分享。唯一能夠爲你解決這個問題的就是你的伴侶。
I hate fuss about money and I like feeling independent, so if I were you, I’d just go on paying my equal share. If I were your partner, then I would probably expect to continue paying the same rent but be more inclined to pay for dinners, holidays and nice treats. But I’m not him, or you.
我不喜歡在錢的事情上計較，我喜歡獨立感，因此如果我是你，我就會繼續分攤一半房租。如果我是你的伴侶，我很可能會希望繼續支付同樣的租金，但我會更樂於爲晚餐、假期和請客付費。但我不是你，也不是他。
In any case, which of you pays the rent does not strike me as your biggest problem. Working in the same company at the same level as someone you are in a relationship with is never easy. You spend too much time with them; you have far too many eggs in one basket.
還有，在我看來，你們最大的問題並不是怎麼分擔房租。與戀人在同一家公司上班，身處同一個級別，這絕非易事。你投入了太多時間；你把太多的雞蛋放在一個籃子裏了。
In normal circumstances when a colleague gets a pay rise and you do not, it is hard not to feel resentful. If that person is your partner, it is harder still.
在正常情況下，當一位同事獲得了加薪，而你沒有，你很難不感到憤慨。如果這個人是你的伴侶，就更難心平氣和了。
Your difficulties are compounded by the fact that you are on his turf, you think you are as good as he is but he is doing better. The chances are that he is going to go on doing better — and if that is the case, you face the prospect of living with someone who progressively gets promoted while you progressively get left behind. That strikes me as a far greater risk to your all-round happiness than who pays an extra few euros towards each month’s household expenses.
你在他的地盤上，這個事實加深了你的困境。你認爲你和他一樣優秀，但他現在做的更好。有可能他以後還會越來越好——如果是這樣，你就面臨着這樣一種未來：你和一個不斷得到晉升的人生活在一起，而你被甩得越來越遠。在我看來，對你的整體幸福來說，這是比誰來爲每個月的家庭開銷多付幾歐元要大得多的風險。
Perhaps you should take it in two stages.
或許你應該分兩步處理。
As the expenses thing is bothering you for now, you should tell him so, and explain that your idea of fairness dictates that rent payments should be pro rata with earnings.
既然現在困擾你的是開銷問題，你應該跟他說清楚，你認爲公平的做法是按你們倆的收入比例來分攤房租。
If that conversation goes badly, it might be time to start thinking about a new man, as well as a new job, and possibly a new country.
如果這次對話進行得不順利，或許是時候考慮找一個新的男人，以及一份新的工作，可能再加上去一個新的國家。
If the conversation goes well and you can reach a concordat on earnings and rent ratios, then maybe the long-term answer is to stick with the man but to find another job.
如果對話進行順利，你們可以就收入和房租比例達成一致，那麼一個長期的答案或許是堅持和這個男人在一起，但你應該另謀高就。
