如何明智地解決家庭衝突?大綱
1. Target the problem, not the person
1. 就事論事，不針對個人If a family member blames you for something you have done, it is important to be careful about how you defend yourself. It is not a good idea to use ways that cause hurt, even if they would help you make a valid point.
如果家庭成員因爲你做了某事而責怪你，那你的辯護方式十分重要。如果你的辯護方式會帶來傷害，即使這種方式能讓你提出有力觀點，我們也不建議這麼做。If you can think of an instance where the other person has done exactly what they accuse you of, for example, it would not be good manners to throw it in their face. You should only bring it up if you don't have a choice. Then, you should make sure that you do it respectfully.
比如，如果家庭成員指責你不應該這樣做，而你卻回想到他/她以前也這麼做過，這時候講出這件事打他們的臉則是不禮貌的做法，除非你別無他法。即便這樣，你也應該以尊敬的態度提出此事。
2. Remember that people are different
2. 記住這一點：人和人是不同的Even if a family member habitually goes against reasonable wishes you may have, you should understand that people genuinely see even the most fundamental things in very different ways.
即使某個家庭成員會習慣性地反駁你的合理提議，你也應該明白，即便是最日常的東西，人們的看法也不盡相同。If you consider any noise after midnight to be intolerable, for example, others may genuinely see it is completely acceptable. It can take them a great deal of time to change their behavior for a demand that they do not understand.
比如，你認爲午夜過後的噪聲無法忍受，但其他人卻會覺得這是完全可以接受的。他們可能需要花大量時間改變他們的行爲以滿足他們所不能理解的需求。3. Look for patterns
3. 尋找規律Think about the familial conflicts that you are worried about now. Check to see if there is a parallel with problems that your parents had. People who grow up with parents who fight unfairly often repeat the same behavior. Consider changing the unfair habits that you grew up with.
想想你現在最擔心什麼樣的家庭衝突？你的父母是不是也曾起過這類衝突？如果父母總是爭吵，在這種情況下成長的人往往也會重複同樣的行爲。考慮考慮吧：改掉成長過程中的壞習慣。4. Understand that memories tend to change
4. 你要明白：記憶也會改變In long-standing family disputes, all parties involved tend to have completely different recollections of the original problem. The mind has a way of constantly changing the way it remembers things - to the point that memories eventually bear no connection to real event.
對於持續較久的家庭糾紛而言，糾紛各方往往對一開始的衝突點有着不同的回憶。大腦的記憶會不斷改變--甚至所擁有的最終記憶與原有事件毫不相關。5. Think about how you care for the other person
5. 想想你是否還會關心爭吵對象Families are a curious concept - while family members often feel nothing but resentment for one another, they will also often be there for them should they ever be in serious trouble. When you feel resentment for someone, think about how far you would go for them if they happened to be in trouble. It could help soften you.
家是一個有趣的概念--雖然家庭成員之間往往彼此怨恨，但一旦有人陷入麻煩，其他的家庭成員往往都會陪伴他/她，幫助他/她。如果你對某人心生怨恨，請想一想：如果他/她陷入麻煩，你會怎麼做？這會讓你緩和對他/她的態度。
