在你們那,如何一眼看出外地人
For those of you interested enough to give a damn, I live in England - specifically around the south coast, and quite close to the gay capital itself (that’s Brighton to you outlanders).
如果有人想知道的話，我住在英國，而且是住在南部沿海，離腐都特別近（腐都就是布萊頓，外地人可能不知道）。Most of the locals here are white, born and bred, and they know their way around. It’s pretty easy to spot a foreigner. Here’s some stuff to watch out for:
這裏的大部分本地人都是土生土長的白人，而且他們在當地輕車熟路。所以很容易就能認出一個外國人，以下是一些要點：Umbrellas.
傘。
Most Brits don’t give two shits if they get soaked to the bone on their way to work. Rainy is our climate, and umbrellas are extra effort.
大部分英國佬根本不介意在上班的路上淋個透溼。我們的氣候就是多雨，帶傘是個麻煩事。Going to the beach on a sunny day.
在晴天的時候去海灘。The rest of us have just accepted that Brighton Pier is just as fun when it’s raining and the wind blows your ice cream into your gran’s face.
對於我們其他人來說，已經習慣了風雨交加的布萊頓碼頭，而且看着那裏一邊下雨一邊起風（風還把冰激凌吹到老太太臉上）其實挺有趣的。Eating fish and chips in public.
在公開場合吃炸魚和薯條。Seagulls and pigeons target the ones with food, especially the salty, vinegary stuff. Everyone except for naive tourists knows to run home as soon as they get their takeaway supper handed to them.
海鷗和鴿子會鎖定那些拿着食物的人，特別是那些拿着撒了鹽、放了醋的東西的人。除了天真的遊客，所有人都知道，在你拿到你的外帶食物後，應該立馬跑回家，越快越好。Feeding the offending seagulls and pigeons.
投喂那些具有攻擊性的海鷗和鴿子。No! Demons! Don’t encourage them!
別！那都是魔鬼！千萬別慫恿他們！Full English breakfasts.
英式全餐（早餐）。A tourist will order a fry-up for the ~experience~ but everyone else is perfectly happy chugging Crunchy Nut cornflakes straight from the box.
一個遊客會爲了“體驗”而點一套全餐，但其他人其實都完全願意直接拿盒子裏的麥片吃吃。Jumping the line.
插隊。We have queueing etiquette. If you cut through, it’s pretty clear that you weren’t raised in the UK.
我們有排隊的禮數。如果你插隊，那顯然你不是在英國長大的。Bothering with bus/train schedules.
把公交和火車的時間表當真。They just never come on time.
他們從來都不準時。Going shopping for fun.
出去購物尋開心。You can go to a shopping centre in the south of England, but you’ll just find bigger, cleaner versions of all our awful DIY stores. Most sensible Brits will say ‘fuck it’ and just order everything from Amazon.
你的確可以去英格蘭南部那些大型購物中心，不過你能找到的其實也就是大一點、乾淨一點的“小店”，它們和那些真正的小店沒啥兩樣。大部分識相的英國人都會說“去他的”，然後直接在亞馬遜上買所有需要的東西。Complaining about service within earshot of those providing it.
在服務人員能聽到的範圍內抱怨服務質量。Truly a cardinal sin.
這真的是不能寬恕的罪孽。Using American English.
用美式英語。In this country, ‘colour’ has a U in it. ‘Grey’ is spelt with an E. ‘Spelt’ is spelt ‘spelt’ and not ‘spelled’. ‘Sidewalks’ are actually ‘pavement’. It doesn’t have to make sense; just accept it. Or else.
在這個國家，colour裏面有個u，grey裏面用的是e，spell的過去分詞是spelt而不是spelled，人行道不叫sidewalks而叫pavement。這沒什麼道理，接受就行了，不然愛咋咋。UK here.
這裏是英國。Complaining loudly. The British moan endlessly about the weather, the prices, the government, and anything else that it strikes them to do, but they do it in a low, grumpy tone. And they don’t expect any improvement or redress.
（第一點是）大聲地抱怨。英國人總會無休止地抱怨天氣、物價、政府，以及一切可以抱怨的東西，但他們都是小聲地、用生悶氣的腔調抱怨。而且他們並不是在指望現狀能有任何改善。British local [mutters]: “Christ, this beer is piss. I’m off to get a different one.”
英國本地人的抱怨（碎碎念）：“我的天，這啤酒像尿一樣。我要去搞杯不一樣的。”American visitor [loudly]: “This beer is terrible! I want my money back!”
美國遊客的抱怨（大聲地）：“這啤酒太難喝了！我要退款！”
American here. It’s pretty easy to spot a non-local, but it varies from case to case. Three huge red flags are:
這裏是美國。要認出一個外地人還是很容易的，不過也要看情況。這裏有3到紅線：Buying tourist shit. You know what it is, and I know what it is. Cheesy American flags, shirts, caps-basically anything stamped with the famous red, white and blue. Of course, all of this is at a ridiculously high price, but do the tourists complain? No.
買那些哄遊客的東西。你和我都知道我說的是什麼。土到掉渣的美國國旗、t恤衫、帽子等等一系列印有那著名的紅白藍的東西。當然，這些東西的價格全都高得離譜，但遊客們抱怨過嗎？沒有。Taking pictures of normal, everyday things. See a flower? Snap. See a local buying ice-cream? Snap. See a restaurant? Snap. You might as well tattoo your forehead with: “I AM A TOURIST.”
給各種日常的玩意兒拍照。看見一朵花？照一張。看見一個當地人買冰激凌？照一張。看見一家餐廳？照一張。你還不如直接在額頭上紋上“我是個遊客”呢。Constantly asking for directions.
不停地問路。“Excuse me, ma’am, do you know where the bathroom is?”
“打擾了，女士，你能告訴我廁所在哪嗎？”“…’s right behind you.”
“……就在你後面。”
