英語幽默故事小短文

下面是本站小編整理的英語幽默故事小短文，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語幽默故事小短文：假如我是一個經理

One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – If I Am a the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.I am waiting for my secretary, was the boy’s answer.

一天課上，老師要同學們以如果我是一個經理爲題寫一篇作文。所有的學生都在動筆寫了，只有一個男生例外。老師走過去問他爲什麼不寫。我在等我的祕書。那孩子答道。

　　英語幽默故事小短文：爲什麼不呼救

Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手錶時，你爲什麼不呼救呢?男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙，那就更糟了。

　　英語幽默故事小短文：是我把他晾乾

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

Jim和Mary都是精神病院裏的病人。一天，他們沿着醫院的游泳池散步，Jim突然跳入泳池的深水區，他沉到了底部。Mary立刻跳下去救他，她潛到水底，把Jim拉了上來。

當院長聽聞了Mary的英勇行爲後，他立刻翻看了她的病歷檔案,把她叫進了自己的辦公室.

“Mary，我有一個好消息和一個壞消息要告訴你。好消息是你能跳入水中救其他病人，這說明你的意識已經恢復了，你可以出院了。壞消息就是，Jim，你救的那個病人，他還是用自己的浴袍帶子在浴室上吊自殺了。”

Mary說：“他沒有自殺，是我把他吊起來好讓他晾乾。”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：沒想到那麼貴

A shoplifter |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽着，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看着單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：Isn’t it wonderful?

"What are you so happy about?"a woman asked the 98-year-old man.

"I broke a mirror," he replied.

"But that means seven years of bad luck."

"I know." he said, beaming,"Isn’t it wonderful?"

這難道不好嗎?

“你高興什麼?”一個女士問一個98歲的老人。

“我打碎了一個鏡子。”他回答。

“但那預示着7年的壞運氣。”

“我知道。”他高興地說，“這難道不好嗎?”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：怎麼把口香糖取出來呢

How do I get the gum out? Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keep their ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed up to her and said, I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum out from my ears?

怎麼把口香糖取出來呢當空中小姐給乘客們發口香糖的時候，她解釋說口香糖有助於他們防止耳鳴。飛機着陸後，一位乘客跑到這位空中小姐面前，說道：“ 我馬上就要見到我妻子了。我怎麼才能把口香糖從耳朵裏面取出來呢?”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：A maintenance man in a cemetery

He is really somebody My uncle has 1000 men under him. He is really somebody. What does he do? A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一個大人物，我叔叔下面有1000個人。他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?墓地守墓人。

　　英語幽默故事小短文：Five Hundred Times

In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times."

在中西部一個大城市的交通法庭裏，一位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由於開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是一名學校老師，請求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過一絲狡黠，說道：“你是學校的老師，對嗎?女士，我馬上要實現我畢生的願望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍。”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：Who Should be Given the Present

A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!”

一個有五個孩子的父親帶着一件玩具回到家裏，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓幹什麼就幹什麼?”他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：“爸爸，您玩兒吧。”

　　英語幽默故事小短文：年長者階層

During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!

醫生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫生聽了也很高興，爲此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然後他說不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，並要求她還他一個吻。醫生走後，我母親厭惡地搖搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她說，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”