英語爆笑小笑話12篇

下面是本站小編整理的英語爆笑小笑話，希望大家會喜歡!

　　英語爆笑小笑話：智力缺陷

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied, "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "Well, what sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " Bob thought for a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

“醫生，你能不能告訴我，”鮑勃問，“對於一個看上去很正常的人，你是怎樣判斷出他有智力缺陷的呢?”“再沒有比這容易的了，”醫生回答，“問他一個簡單的問題，簡單到所有人都知道答案，如果他回答得不乾脆，那你就知道是怎麼回事了。”“那要問什麼樣的問題呢?”“嗯，你可以這樣問，‘庫克船長環球旅行了三次，但是在其中一次的途中他去世了，是哪一次呢?’”鮑勃想了一會兒，緊張的回答道，“你就不能問另外一個問題嗎?坦率地說，我對歷史瞭解的不是很多。”

　　英語爆笑小笑話：開卷考試

On the day of our final exam at my Community College in Santa Maria, Calif., we heard that the bookstore had changed its policy and would buy back our business-management textbooks. Before class, several of us dashed over to the store and sold our books. We were seated and waiting for the test when our professor announced that considering the difficulty of the final, it would be an open-book exam.

我在加利福尼亞的聖瑪麗亞市一所社區大學讀書。期末考試那天，聽說書店在回購我們的工商管理課本。考試前，我們幾個趕忙跑到書店把書賣了，隨後，我們坐在教室裏等着考試。這時候教授宣佈：考慮到試題的難度，今天的考試我們決定開卷。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：機長的錄音

This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew... I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. If you look down towards the Atlantic Ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it to waving at you. That's me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.

這是你們機長的聲音。請允許我代表全體工作人員，歡迎你們乘坐英國航空公司602號航班從紐約飛往倫敦。我們此時在大西洋上空35,000英尺的高度。如果你從飛機的右邊向窗外看去，你將會發現右側的兩個引擎都已經起火。如果你從左邊往外看，你就會看到那邊的機翼已經脫落了。如果你俯視下面的大西洋，那麼你會看到一艘黃色的救生筏，上面有三個人正在朝你揮手。那是我、副駕駛員還有我們的一名女乘務員。這是一段錄音。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：無聊的課

One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau is known for his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're running!"

在開普吉拉多市的東南密蘇里州立大學上學的時候，我喜歡的幾個老師之中有一個以他的幽默感而出名。給新生上頭一節課，他給學生解釋在他課上的紀律，他說：“我知道我的課經常會很枯燥乏味，所以我並不介意你們在課上看錶。然而，我堅決不允許你們把表重重的摔在課桌上，以此來檢查你的表是不是還在走。”

　　英語爆笑小笑話：交通事故

A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign ... hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passerbys pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'

有個人開車行駛在上班的路上，一輛卡車闖紅燈從側面撞上了他的車，當時他就不省人事了。路旁的行人把他從車裏拉出來並喚醒他。剛一醒過來，他就拼命的掙扎着，最後不得不用了藥物才讓他鎮靜下來。過了一會兒，他平靜了，別人問他爲什麼要這麼恐怖的掙扎，他說：“被撞之後我就什麼都不知道了，當我醒過來，我發現我躺在了路邊，前面是一個巨大的廣告牌上面閃爍着‘殼牌’，但是有個人擋住了那個“S。”

　　英語爆笑小笑話：寫給上帝的信

A little boy needed $50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $50. When the post office received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the president. The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy a $5 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys kept $45 in taxes.

有個小男孩非常需要50美元，他爲此禱告了數週但是什麼也沒發生。後來，他決定寫封信向上帝索要這50美元。郵局接到這封信，想了想覺得還是應該交給總統比較好。總統被逗笑了，於是指示祕書寄給小男孩5美元，因爲他覺得5美元對於一個小孩來講已經是不少了。小男孩收到了錢很高興，給上帝回了一封感謝信，信裏寫道：尊敬的上帝，非常感謝你把錢寄給我。然而，我發現這些錢是通過白宮寄出的，因此，和往常一樣，那幫傢伙收了我45美元的稅。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：它們是從美國直接帶來的

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行櫃檯，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。

這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最後實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的。”

　　英語爆笑小笑話：He is really somebody他真是一個大人物

My uncle has 1000 men under him.

He is really somebody. What does he do?

A maintenance man in a cemetery.

我叔叔下面有1000個人。

他真是一個大人物。幹什麼的?

墓地守墓人。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：Boss's idea

When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

由於我的打印機不能打印出清晰的字來，我就打電話給維修部。電話是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說我的打印機也許只是需要清理一下。

他還說，如果讓維修部清理的話要交50英鎊的清理費，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試着清理。

當時我真的被他的話感動了，就問他：“你們老闆知道你這樣拒絕生意麼?”

“事實上，這就是我們老闆的主意，”僱員答道：“因爲如果我們讓用戶先自行修理打印機的話就能掙更多的錢。”

　　英語爆笑小笑話：誰欠誰錢

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.

律師的狗，沒有拴而到處閒逛，它來到一家肉店，偷走了一塊 烤肉。店主來到律師的辦公室，問道“如果一條沒栓的狗從我的商店裏偷了塊肉，我有權利從狗的主人那裏要回損失嗎?律師答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗沒栓而且今天從我的店裏頭了塊肉”，律師什麼都沒說，馬上給他寫了一張支票。一些天后，店主打開郵箱，發現一封來自律師的信，信上寫 道：諮詢費250美元。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：婚禮上有長官在

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain.""Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.""But ,officer, I ….""I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.""Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."

大街上的一個超速駕駛者被警察攔住了。“但是警官”這個人說道，“我可以解釋的”。“保持安靜”，警察突然說道。“我將把你送往監獄，直到長官回來。“但是，警察，我……”。“我說過了保持安靜，你要到監獄了。”幾小時後，警察向監獄裏看了看說道“算你運氣好，因爲我們的長官正在他女兒的婚禮上。他將帶着一個愉快的心情回來的。”“你確定”在牢房裏的這個人說道。“我就是新郎呀”。

　　英語爆笑小笑話：哪有人能彎腰彎那麼低的

Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

我們的餐廳經理是一位深受大家愛戴，和藹而又快樂的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我應該說，他是有點矮!一天，經理怒氣衝衝地撞門而入，高聲說，“有人拿了我的錢包!”

我和其她大部女招待都沒敢吱聲，但有人卻蹦出一句話：“哪有人能彎腰彎那麼低的啊”!