萬萬沒想到：職場人見人愛只要六招大綱

So you want to know how to make people like you? It's easier than you are six research-backed tips:
你想知道如何讓別人喜歡你嗎？其實比你想的要容易的多。研究得出以下6條結論：

1. Encourage people to talk about themselves
1. 鼓勵人們談論他們自己

It gives their brain as much pleasure as food or money:
這種做法給大腦帶來的愉悅相當於食物或者金錢：

Talking about ourselves — whether in a personal conversation or through social media sites like Facebook and Twitter — triggers the same sensation of pleasure in the brain as food or money, researchers reported.
研究者們的報告稱，無論是在私人談話還是通過臉書推特這些社交媒體交流時，談論自我總會激發類似於食物和金錢給大腦帶來的愉悅感。

"Self-disclosure is extra rewarding," said Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, who conducted the experiments with Harvard colleague Jason Mitchell. Their findings were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. "People were even willing to forgo money in order to talk about themselves," Ms. Tamir said.“
自我表露會帶來超級多的滿足感。”哈佛大學神經系統科學家黛安娜·塔米爾說。她和她哈佛的同事詹森·米切爾共同完成了這個實驗，他們的科研結果發表在《美國國家科學院院刊》上。她說：“人們甚至不要錢，也想要表露自己。”

2. To give feedback, ask questions
2. 提供反饋，詢問問題

If you use questions to guide people toward the errors in their thinking process and allow them to come up with the solution themselves, they're less likely to feel threatened and more likely to follow through.
如果你使用問題來引導人們發現他們在思考過程中的錯誤，允許他們自己想出解決辦法，人們更不容易感受到威脅，且更願意跟隨你的引導。

It's not you searching for problems; it's him searching for gaps in his thinking process. The more you can help people find their own insights, the easier it will be to help others be effective, even when someone has lost the plot on an important project. Bringing other people to insight means letting go of "constructive performance feedback," and replacing it with "facilitating positive change."
不是你來尋找問題，而是他來尋找自身思考過程中的缺漏。你越能幫助他們找到自己的見解，就更能有效的幫助他人，即使在他壓根沒意識到一個重要項目的情況到底是怎樣時。讓他人找到正確的見解意味着“促進積極的改變”，而不是“建設性的表現反饋”。

3. Ask for advice
3. 尋求建議

Stanford professor Jeffrey Pfeffer, persuasion expert Robert Cialdini and many others have all recommended asking for advice as a powerful way to influence others and warm them to you.
斯坦福教授傑弗裏·普費弗、談判專家羅伯特·恰爾迪尼以及其他專業人士都推薦過詢問他人的建議是一種很有力的影響他人並且讓他人喜歡你的好方法。

Wharton professor Adam Grant breaks down the science behind it:New research shows that advice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority. In one experiment, a researcher had people negotiate the possible sale of commercial property. When the sellers focused on their goal of getting the highest possible price, only eight percent reached a successful agreement. When the sellers asked the buyers for advice on how to meet their goals, 42 percent reached a successful agreement. Asking for advice encouraged greater cooperation and information sharing, turning a potentially contentious negotiation into a win-win deal. Studies demonstrate that across the manufacturing, financial services, insurance and pharmaceutical industries, seeking advice is among the most effective ways to influence peers, superiors, and subordinates.
沃頓商學院的亞當·格蘭特解釋了這背後的道理：新研究顯示當我們缺乏權威的時候，詢問他人建議是一種影響他人的有效手段。在一次實驗中，一名實驗員讓人們來談論一處房地產的銷售。當銷售人員只專注於想要賣出儘可能的高的價格的時候，只有8％的人達到了目標。當銷售人員詢問顧客如何才能滿足他們的要求時，42％的銷售人員最後達到了賣出房產的目的。尋求建議鼓勵了人們之間更多的合作以及信息的共享，把潛在的有爭議的協商變成一個雙贏的局面。研究顯示，在製造業、金融服務業、保險業和醫藥行業，詢問對方的建議都是最有效影響同事、上司和下屬的方法。4. The two-question technique
4. “兩個問題”的技巧

Ask them about something positive in their life. Only after they reply should you ask them how they're feeling about life in ds silly, but this method is based on research by Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.A positive answer on the first question will lead to them feeling more positive about their life in general when you ask the second question:
詢問他人生活中積極的東西，在他們回答後再詢問他們對於生活什麼看法。這個方法是基於諾貝爾獎心理學家丹尼爾·卡內曼的研究。對於第一個問題的積極回答會引導人們在回答第二個問題的時候也感到積極：

The same pattern is found if a question about the students' relations with their parents or about their finances immediately precedes the question about general happiness. In both cases, satisfaction in the particular domain dominates happiness reports. Any emotionally significant question that alters a person's mood will have the same effect.
同樣的模式也表現在詢問學生和父母的關係或者經濟情況如何。在這兩個例子裏，報告顯示滿意度在特定領域會主宰幸福，任何情感上的重大問題對於改變一個人的情緒都有着同樣的作用。

5. Repeat the last three words
5. 重複最後三個詞

Active listening has incredible power, and hostage negotiators use it to build rapport. What's the quick and dirty way to do active listening without training? Social skills expert and author Leil Lowndes recommends simple repetition: "…simply repeat — or parrot — the last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone. That throws the conversational ball right back in your partner's court."
積極的傾聽具有不可思議的力量，人質談判人員用它來建立融洽的關係。未經過培訓有什麼快速直接的方法積極的傾聽嗎？社交技能專家和作家 萊·朗茲推薦的是簡單的重複，簡單的重複或者鸚鵡學舌般的重複你的小夥伴說的最後兩個或者三個字，使用一種同情或者質疑的語氣。這樣會把對話重新丟會到你的小夥伴那邊。

It shows you're listening and interested, and it lets them get back to telling their story. You've got to be slightly savvy about this one, but it's surprisingly effective.
這樣顯示你在聽，而且你很感興趣，也會讓你的小夥伴有興致把接下來的故事說完。使用這個方法的時候你需要稍微精明點，但是效果很好。

6. Gossip — but positively
6. 積極八卦

Research shows what you say about others colors how people see you. Compliment other people, and you're likely to be seen positively. Complain, and you're likely to be associated with those negative traits you hate:
研究顯示你如何評論他人，也會影響讓人如何評價你。讚美他人，你留下的也許是個積極的印象。而抱怨，會把你和這些不好的負面的影響都聯繫起來。

When you gossip about another person, listeners unconsciously associate you with the characteristics you are describing, ultimately leading to those characteristics' being "transferred" to you. So, say positive and pleasant things about friends and colleagues, and you are seen as a nice person. In contrast, constantly complain about their failings, and people will unconsciously apply the negative traits and incompetence to you.
當你說別人的八卦的時候，聽者會無意識的把你和你所描述的性格聯繫起來，最終導致這些不好的人格轉移到你的身上。所以儘量討論同事朋友積極愉快的事情，你看上去就會使個很好的人。相反的話，經常抱怨他人的失敗，他人也會無意識的把這些失敗和你聯繫起來。