研究新發現：每個父母都偏心

All parents tell their children little white lies from time to time. ‘Of course Father Christmas comes down the chimney!’ ‘Eat your spinach — you’ll get as strong as Popeye.’ ‘No, I didn’t put that pound under your pillow. It was the Tooth Fairy,’ ... and so on. It’s all part of the magic of childhood.

However, there’s one fib that’s bigger than all the others. It’s ‘I don’t have a favourite child.’

In his fascinating new book, The Sibling Effect: What Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us, Jeffrey Kluger, a father of two daughters, aged eight and ten, claims that ‘95 percent of parents in the world have a favourite child — and the other 5 percent are lying.’

Kluger may be exaggerating the figures for dramatic effect — but despite every parent’s vehement denial that they have a favourite child — scientific research shows that he is not far off the truth。

According to one recent study by researchers from the University of California — which followed 384 sibling pairs and their parents for three years — 65 percent of the mothers and 70 percent of fathers exhibited a preference for one child. As this was among families that knew they were being monitored, there’s a strong possibility the true figures could be significantly higher.

Favouritism is certainly a controversial topic. When raised as a subject for discussion on parenting websites, it always elicits a stream of outrage and angry denials.

But interestingly, a lot of personal anecdotes appear from parents who say they were overshadowed by a favoured sibling, or were, indeed, their mother or father’s favourite. It seems everyone knows favouritism exists — but nobody wants to put their hand up and say they’re guilty of it themselves.

Other research, where siblings have been asked to say who their mother and father favour, suggests that mothers do tend to a show a preference for their first-born son, but fathers often dote on their youngest daughters.

Parents will often be drawn to the child who is easiest to get along with — or the child that shares similar traits to them. For example, mum will have a special bond with her sensitive, arty son, while dad lavishes attention on his sporty daughter.

Professor Scott says being least favoured in a family can colour our behaviour as adults. ‘Children who feel they are less loved within their family are more likely to develop low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.’

But some experts believe being less favoured can have positive consequences. Professor Scott agrees that favoured children can sometimes find life difficult when they have to rub along in the real world.所有的父母都會時不時地告訴孩子一些善意的小謊言。“聖誕老人當然是從煙囪裏下來了！”“把你的菠菜吃了——你會像大力水手一樣強壯的。”“不，我沒有把那一英鎊放在你的枕頭下。是牙仙乾的。”諸如此類。這都是童年神奇色彩的一部分。

然而，有一個謊言比所有其他謊言都要大。這就是“我沒有對哪個小孩偏心”。

在他引人入勝的新書《同胞效應：兄弟姐妹紐帶大揭祕》中，傑弗裏•克魯格稱，“世界上95%的父母都有偏愛的孩子——而其他5%是在說謊。”克魯格有兩個女兒，分別是8歲和10歲。

克魯格可能是爲了戲劇化效果誇大了數字，不過儘管每個父母都強烈否認自己有特別偏愛的小孩，但科學研究顯示，克魯格所說的離真相併不遠。

根據加利福尼亞大學研究人員的一項新研究，65%的母親們和70%的父親們都表現出對某個小孩的偏心。該研究在三年間跟蹤調查了384名有兄弟姐妹的孩子和他們的父母。因爲這些家庭知道他們正受到監視，所以極有可能真實的比例還要大得多。

偏心確實是一個備受爭議的話題。當育兒網站將偏心作爲討論的話題時，總會有許多憤慨的父母生氣地表示否認。

不過，有趣的是，許多父母在講述自己的個人經歷時會提到自己曾因爲兄弟或姐妹更受父母寵愛而受冷落。似乎每個人都知道偏心的存在，但沒有人願意舉手承認自己也偏心。

其他研究讓有兄弟姐妹的孩子們說出父母更寵愛誰，結果顯示，母親一般更寵愛她們的大兒子，而父親則往往更寵愛他們的小女兒。

父母們通常會更願意接近那些相處起來最輕鬆的小孩，或是和自己有相近特質的小孩。例如，母親也許和她那個敏感、喜歡附庸風雅的兒子特別親近，而父親則會十分關注自己愛好運動的女兒。

斯科特教授說，在家裏被冷落會影響我們成年後的行爲。“那些感覺自己在家中沒人疼的小孩更可能出現自卑、焦慮和抑鬱情緒。”

不過一些專家認爲，不受寵也會帶來積極的影響。斯科特教授承認，當受寵的孩子不得不在現實世界中勉強度日時，有時會感到人生很艱難。