爆笑：4個女兒與父親的神對話
Most parents photograph or film their children growing up, but James Breakwell has another way of documenting the precious moments he shares with his 4 daughters. Since April 2016, the comedy writer and family man from Indianapolis uses Twitters to share the daily conversations he has with his girls.
大多數父母都會用拍照或拍視頻的方式記錄孩子的成長過程，而 James Breakwell則選擇採用一種與衆不同的方式記錄他和4個女兒分享的時光。從2016年4月起，這位來自美國印第安納波利斯的喜劇作家兼奶爸用推特分享了他與女孩們的日常對話。
1.7-year-old：All the boys said they were faster than girls in gym class.
7歲女兒：上體操課的時候所有的男生都說他們比女生跑得快。
Me: What did you say?
我：你是怎麼說的？
7:Nothing. I just beat them.
7歲女兒：沒說什麼。我就是把他們揍了一頓。
2.I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.
我和女兒們玩《龍與地下室戰棋》
They were supposed to fight the wolves surround a town.
她們的任務是打敗圍困城鎮的惡狼。
Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.
結果，她們給惡狼餵食，把這些惡狼收編到了自己的狼族軍隊裏。
Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.
女孩！她們會征服世界！
3.Me: What did you do at school today?
我：你今天在學校裏做了什麼？
5-year-old:Learned about dragons.
5歲女兒：學習龍的知識。
Me: Your class learned about dragons?
我：你們上課學習關於龍的知識？
5:I learned about dragons. I don’t know what everybody else was doing.
5歲女兒：我在學習龍的知識。我不知道其他人在幹什麼。
4.5-year-old: Why can’t dogs go to school?
5歲女兒：爲什麼狗狗不能去學校？
Me:Dogs are animals.
我：狗狗是動物呀。
5:They let in boys.
5歲女兒：那爲什麼男孩可以去學校？
5.6-year-old: *fast forward all the way through a movie*
6歲女兒：（快進看完了一整部電影）
Me: You can’t just skip to the happy ending.
我：你不能一步跳到幸福結局。
6: I don’t have time for problems.
6歲女兒：我可沒時間應付問題。
6.4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?
4歲女兒：我能吃點你的糖果嗎？
Wife: I got this for Mother’s Day.
妻子：這是我的母親節禮物。
4: You’re only a mom because of me.
4歲女兒：要不是我，你能當媽媽嗎？
7.Me: What are you doing?
我：你在幹嘛？
7-year-old: Counting the presents under the tree.Me: There aren’t any presents under the tree.
7歲女兒：我在數聖誕樹下面有多少禮物。
Me: There aren’t any presents under the tree.
我：聖誕樹下面不是什麼都沒有嗎？
7: I know.
7歲女兒：我也是這麼想的。
Passive aggressive level 9000
吐槽值爆棚！
8.7-year-old: Do you have a podcast?
7歲女兒：你有播客嗎？
Me: Do you even know what a podcast is?
我：你知道播客是什麼嗎？
7：It’s that thing where you talk to yourself and no one listens.
7歲女兒：不就是那個你對着它自言自語，周圍根本沒人理你的東西嗎？
She knows exactly what a podcast is.
她說的完全正確。
9.I’m glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts.
我真高興，我們家有1萬隻填充玩偶，再也不用擔心孩子沒玩的了。我的小女兒可以抱着一隻裝花生的罐子安然入睡了。
10.Me：Did you have a good day at school?
我：你今天在學校過得開心嗎？
6-year-old: That’s not how school works.
學校不是用來開心的。
11.Me: Only female mosquitos bite.
我：只有母蚊子才咬人。
7-year-old: I knew that.
7歲女兒：我就知道是這樣。
Me: You did?
我：你怎麼知道？
7: Girls always do all the work.
7歲女兒：女孩總是包攬所有的活兒。
12.5-year-old: I’m not scared of monsters when I’m with you.
5歲女兒：和你在一起的時候，我就不怕怪物了。
Me: Well, thanks.
我：是嗎，我很榮幸。
5:They’ll eat you first cecause you’re fatter.
5歲女兒：你的肉更多，怪物肯定會先吃掉你。
13.4-year-old: Can I have candy?
4歲女兒：我能吃點糖果嗎？
Me: What did Mom say?
我：媽媽怎麼說的？
4:No.
4歲女兒：不行。
Me: So why would I let you?
我：那我爲什麼要同意呢？
4:She’s not the boss of you.
4歲女兒：她並不是你的老闆。
It’s a trap.
這是一個陷阱！
14.5-year-old: *wears an Elsa dress with a Wonder Woman cape and a Batman mask*
5歲女兒：（穿着艾爾莎的裙子，披着神奇女俠的披風，帶着蝙蝠俠的面具。）
Me: Which superhero are you?
我：你到底是哪個神奇英雄？
5:Me.
5歲女兒：我就是我自己。
15 5-year-old:*slides a curly fry on her finger like a ring*
5歲女兒：( 把一根卷卷薯條套在手指上，就像戒指一樣。)
Me: Are you married?
我：你結婚了嗎？
5: I’m Frodo.
5歲女兒：我是《魔戒》裏的弗羅多。
16.6-year-old:When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
6歲女兒：等我長大了，我想當一個老師。
Me: What kind of teacher
?我：什麼老師？
6:Defense Against the Dark Arts.
6歲女兒：黑魔法防禦術。
17.Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
我：你長大後想要做什麼？
5-year-old: A cat doctor.
5歲女兒：貓醫生。
Me: A veterinarian?
我：獸醫嗎
？5: A doctor who is a cat.
5歲女兒：不，是一隻貓，同時也是醫生。
（翻譯：小木）
