一招就脫單 愛了就要大膽說

How do you feel about me? Where is this relationship going? Do we have a future together? Is this turning into something real or are we just really having fun? Those are the questions that go through our minds when we are dating. These questions all cause the topic of this article. Which is harder: staying silent or letting your real feelings be known?
你覺得我這個人怎麼樣？我們相處得如何？我們有未來嗎？這次是認真的還是在尋開心呢？這些都是我們在約會時在我們頭腦中遇到的問題。這些問題都是本文要談的主題。哪種更難做到：繼續沉默下去還是讓對方瞭解你的真正感覺？

Everyone knows that the real and honest way to be in a relationship is to say what you feel, and mean what you say. But what if that comes at the cost of possibly losing someone who you enjoy more than any other person you have ever met?
我們都知道，表達你的感受，讓人瞭解你的想法，是在戀愛中一種真誠的方式。可是，如果付出的代價可能會是失去你所遇到過的最喜歡的人，那又該怎麼辦呢？

Here is the situation: You are dating someone. It's been several months of nothing but wonderful, for both of you. There have been no blow ups, communication is at the forefront and the only obligation you have ever given each other is to be honest. But then it's time for the "what are we talk". The natural reaction when things are going well is to avoid it at all costs. "If it aint broke", right? Wrong.
這裏有一個情景：你正和某人約會。這幾個月你們雙方都對對方感覺很好。彼此都沒有向對方發脾氣使性子，凡事先溝通交流意見，唯一堅守的義務就是彼此都要做到誠實坦誠相待。可是儘管這些都做到了，接下來該談談“我們該談一談”了，“如果沒有分手”，當一切都進展得不錯時很自然的做法就是不計一切阻止它，對嗎？錯。

By putting all of that under the rug all you are really doing is denying yourself what you truly need and breaking the rule of always being honest. You are denying yourself validation and as much as we all want to deny we don't need it, we do. Let's be honest. When you are falling in love with someone, the need for validation that they feel the same can eat away and actually do more harm than you know.
你其實是在掩蓋內心否認自己真正的需要，其實是在違反做到彼此誠實坦誠相待的原則。你否認自己在求證在確認這段戀愛關係，我們極力否認自己不需要求證確認，我們其實需要求證需要確認。我們還是誠實些吧。當你愛上一個人的時候，需要求證需要確認，他們也覺得同樣需要求證需要確認，其實傷害超乎你的想象。

Holding it in teaches you from the beginning of the relationship how to not be honest with your partner. Put on that poker face and pretend like there isn't a giant elephant in the room every time you are together. Not speaking your needs teaches your partner that you and your needs are not equal to their own, and in turn teaches them that it is ok with you that they treat you as such. It is very true we teach people how to treat us and no relationship is 50/50, both people must be willing to give 100% or it will never work.
堅守求證確認這一點從戀愛之初就教會你如何對對方不要坦誠相待、和盤托出。對每次和你共處一室的那個她/他都要戴上面具。更別說你的求證你的確認教會對方你和你的求證確認並不等於他們需要求證確認，而且他們反而認爲，就這樣和你相處，你覺得還可以。確實是我們自己教會別人和我們的相處之道，戀愛中從來就沒有50/50的說法，雙方都必須願意100%付出，否則戀愛關係無法維持下去。

What if you are feeling the need to have such an important conversation but have fears as to whether or not it will actually end with the dreaded "I'm not ready to commit". We really need to start listening to our instincts. If you are too afraid to tell your partner how you truly feel and having those feelings truly validated, there is a high chance your relationship is doomed for failure. If you hold onto your feelings in secret, your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can't find the gumption to even awkwardly ask, "Where are we going with this", the answer is easy... nowhere. You cannot have any sort of meaningful relationship based on the pseudo solid ground of secrets. If your instincts are telling you that your partner will run the other way at the sheer thought of having to define the difference between just dating and girlfriend/boyfriend, I'm sad to say but your relationship is probably doomed.
如果你感覺需要進行一次這樣重要的對話溝通，卻又擔心是否會以“我還沒準備好承擔什麼”而結束。我們真的需要開始跟着我們的直覺走。如果你不敢向對方說出你的真實感受，沒有需要求證確認的那種強烈感覺，你們的關係極有可能註定是走向失敗。如果你把你的感情藏起來，你們的戀愛關係註定要失敗。如果你無法走下去甚至還笨到尋問對方的地步，“我們相處得怎麼樣？答案很簡單……毫無結果。基於你堅守的是僞腳踏實地類的祕密，你的這段戀愛關係沒有任何意義。如果你的直覺是對方會逃跑，滿腦子都在思索關於單純的約會和女朋友/男朋友之間的區別，抱歉！你們的關係可能是註定沒有結果的。

Instead, take the chance. Find the nerve and confidence and let your partner know what you need. It is not selfish or needy or insecure to define a need for validation. If any aspect of a relationship is lacking you need to tell your partner. You need to maintain the original promise of the only obligation between the two of you being honesty. If you needed more physical affection from your partner you would ask for it. So why would you deny yourself and your partner that same respect when it comes to something as easy as validation.
反而一定要抓住這個機會。鼓起勇氣充滿信心，讓對方瞭解你需要什麼。在這段戀愛關係需要反覆確認自己的感受，這不是一種自私、不是一種窘迫、也不是沒有安全感。當然這個說法恰好代表了本文的關鍵詞。如果你們的戀愛關係有任何缺失，你要告訴對方。你需要保持你們之間最初承諾的做到彼此誠實坦誠相待這唯一的一項義務約定。如果你需要從對方身上得到更多的愛，就大膽地去要求。所以，你爲什麼要否認自己需要求證確認的這種感受呢？對方也想從你身上輕鬆地求證確認自己的感受。

Take the chance. The reality is that either way, you win; even if you do end up breaking up in the end. At least then you would know early enough on that any time and feelings invested are not going to be as earth shattering as looking back two years later and still not having what you need in a relationship.
抓住這個機會。其實不管怎樣即使你最終分手了，你還是贏了。至少你趁早弄明白了自己的感受，感情投資的代價還不算太大。兩年後，回過頭來看看還是不是自己想要的一段戀愛關係。

Keep these words in mind, "you don't get what you don't ask for". It is so much more difficult and overall damaging to all involved to deny your own needs and hold your feelings in. Find the nerve, find the respect for yourself and the other person and just lay it out there and more importantly, just be honest.
記住這句話：“你不想要的東西自然就得不到”。很難完全否認自己的感情確認求證需求和你自己對感情的投入程度。要有勇氣找到自己和他人的因素，彼此做到誠實坦誠相待這一點在戀愛關係中非常重要。