永遠別對自戀狂說這些話大綱

Talking to a narcissist-someone who has an inflated (and immovable) sense of self-worth-is like tiptoeing through a minefield. Every word you utter has the potential to detonate the conversation into a full-on argument.

和自戀者聊天--自我價值感膨脹的人--就像在困境中涉險過關。你所說的每一個詞都可能將你們的對話變成劍拔弩張的局面。

It's not you. (Really.) People who are narcissistic "are not good at regulating emotions, and do not manage frustration well," explains Ramani Durvasula, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist. "They're more like 3-year-olds than adults; they don't tolerate any strong emotions well."

不是你。真的。自戀狂"不擅長調節情緒，也無法很好地控制沮喪之情，"Ramani Durvasula博士解釋道，她還是位持證臨牀心理學家，以及《何去何從：與自戀者的戀情》（Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist）一書的作者。"他們的表現不像是成年人，倒像是三歲的小寶寶；他們無法忍受任何強烈的情緒。"

And like a tired, cranky 3-year-old, the end result is a massive (and unpleasant) tantrum. "Narcissists often control people through these tantrums because their rage can be so worrisome or downright frightening that everyone gives in to them," says Durvasula.

就像一個疲倦的、脾氣暴躁的3歲孩子，最後的結果就是大發脾氣，令人不快。"自戀狂經常通過發脾氣控制他人，因爲他們的憤怒可能會引人擔憂，或者令人恐懼，以至於大家都屈服了，"Durvasula說道。

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If you're trying to keep the peace (or just your own peace of mind), here's what to never say to a narcissist.

如果你想維持和平（或者保持自己內心的平靜），那千萬別對自戀者說這些話。

"I wouldn't have done it that way"

"我不會那麼做"

Even if you're using this as a preface to constructive criticism, a narcissist will only hear that they didn't do something right and you could do it better-"and that threatens their sense of self-esteem twice," says Durvasula. "Anything that smacks of criticism and also lifts someone else into a positive light is intolerable to them."

即使這只是你建設性批評的前言，自戀者也不願聽到這樣的話--他們做錯了，而你卻可以做得更好--"這會威脅到他們的自尊，兩次，"Durvasul說道。"任何批評他們、積極讚揚另一個人的話語對他們來說都是不能忍的。"

"You're wrong"

"你錯了"

Narcissists do not do well with head-on confrontation, says Durvasula. And since they're bullies at heart, "they're scrappier and dirtier fighters than most of us," she warns. This doesn't mean that you have to hold your tongue. Instead, try a gentler tack, such as, "I hear you, but I see it a little differently...."

自戀狂不善於正面對抗，Durvasul說道。既然他們內心住着惡霸，"他們實際上比我們大多數人都更骯髒、更兇狠，"她警告稱。這並不是說你必須保持緘默。相反，你可以婉轉一點，比如，"我知道你的意思，但我的想法和你稍有不同……"

"What's the matter with you?"

"你怎麼回事？"

Ask the question as much as you want in your head, but resist the urge to blurt it out. "Narcissists have fragile self-esteem and never like being viewed as 'less than,' even though that's how they leave everyone else feeling," says Durvasula. (And let's be honest-asking this of anyone will put them on the defensive.)

你可以在腦海裏盡情提問，但一定要抑制問出口的衝動。"自戀狂的自尊心很脆弱，不喜歡被人看低，儘管他們給我們的感覺的確如此，"Durvasul說道。（說實話--這句話會讓任何人處於防守狀態。）