看孩子的短信到底好不好
Question:
問:I have a 13-year-old son and an 11-year-old daughter. They are both going to get smartphones this summer. Neither has a social media account at the moment. I'm really struggling with what the "rules" about reading their texts should be. I know I'm their mom, and I want to keep them safe, but they're good kids, good students, and it feels like an invasion of privacy. What about when my son has a girlfriend?? Would love your (and your kids'!) thoughts on how parents can enforce boundaries and ensure safety without feeling like a power-thirsty KGB agent? Thanks.
我有個13歲的兒子，還有個11歲的女兒。今夏，他們都將擁有智能手機了。目前爲止，他們都還沒有社交媒體賬戶。我十分糾結，糾結關於看他們短信應該有什麼"規則"。我知道我是他們的母親，我想讓他們安全，但他們都是好孩子、好學生，看他們的短信好像侵犯了他們的隱私。如果我的兒子有女朋友了又該怎麼辦呢？關於父母如何明確界限、確保孩子們的安全，並且不會感覺自己像是渴求權利的克格勃特工這一點，我想聽聽您（以及您孩子）的看法。謝謝！Answer:
答：
Honestly, I can predict some of how my kids will respond to various issues: I knew they would bristle at the word "rules" in your question (they did), and I knew they would be appalled over the potential invasion of privacy (they were). But what they both immediately resented was the near-parenthetical mention of the fact that these are good kids. "I'm sorry," the 17-year-old said, "but that's kind of the main thing. They're good kids. Reward them for that. If they don't give you reason for concern, then don't be concerned just because you feel like you're supposed to be."
說實話，我能預測出孩子們對各種問題的一些反應：我知道他們會對你問題中的"規則"一詞表示不滿（他們也的確這樣表示了），我知道他們會對潛在的隱私侵犯一事鼓掌（的確如此）。但他們對近乎題外話的提到他們是好孩子的這一事實立刻表達了不滿。"對不起，"17歲的孩子說道，"但這是一件很重要的事情。他們是好孩子。應該爲此獎勵他們。如果他們沒有給你造成困擾，那就不要因爲自以爲覺得應該要怎麼樣而憂心忡忡。"The 14-year-old feels similarly that the main issue is character - "What we called the 'pillars of behavior' in fourth grade. Not rules about specific things, but guidelines for how to be in the world. If they're nice and kind and safe, then that's how they're going to be on social media too."
14歲的孩子也同樣認爲主要的問題就是性格--"也就是我們所說的四年級的'行爲支柱'。不是關於具體事情的規則，而是關於如何在世界生存的指導。如果他們很好、心善而且安全，那麼他們在社交媒體上的表現也會如此。"
I'm with them on this: you don't have to follow the generic parenting script about generic kids. These are your kids, whom you know; they are not going to get phones and turn into Damien from Omen III or a prostitute.
我和他們在這一點上的看法相同：你不需要遵循一般孩子的一般育兒守則。他們是你的孩子，是你熟知的人啊；他們不會拿到手機就變成《凶兆3》裏面的達米恩或是妓女的。But there are other issues here that must be reckoned with, good kids or no. One is that social media is addictive, and kids - people in general - do not tend to be the best arbiters of their addiction. That is, despite how furious my own kids have been about rules, we did make some rules about phone use when 17 first got his, because look - it's a phone.
但有些其它問題是不能忽視的，不管他們是不是好孩子。其一，社交媒體是會讓人上癮的，孩子--一般人--往往不會對自己的上癮做出最好的裁決。也就是說，不管我們的孩子對規則有多麼憤怒，當17歲的孩子第一次拿到他的手機時，我們就制定了一些關於使用手機的規則，因爲那畢竟是手機啊！
