人們出軌的10個最常見的理由(上)

When we get involved in a long term relationship we make certain promises, promises of fidelity to our partner. Successful relationships are founded on bonds of mutual trust and this is reinforced by the mutual fidelity we come to expect from our long term partners. These expectations are even move ingrained in relationships which are solemnized in marriage. While many people these days choose to write their own vows the old ones explain perfectly the expectations we have of our spouses – that they will stick with us for better or worse, richer for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do the couple part. These vows may be rooted in the Christian tradition of marriage but strikingly similar promises are made in civil and religious services around the world.

當我們進入一段長期戀愛關係時，我們會做出承諾，承諾對對方忠誠。成功的親密關係建立在互相信任的的基礎上，並因希望彼此忠誠這一期待得到鞏固。這種期待天然就是婚姻的一部分。儘管現在許多人選擇自己寫誓詞，但傳統誓詞恰恰表達了我們對伴侶的希望——無論逆境與順境，無論貧窮或富有，無論健康或疾病，相愛相敬不離不棄，直到死亡把我們分開。這一誓詞可能來源於基督教婚姻傳統，但縱觀世界不同宗教與文化的誓詞，都與其有着驚人的相似之處。

Why then do some people choose to betray promises they make to their spouse or partner, the children they have together and, implicitly, to society at large. The statistics are mindboggling – up to 50% of women and 60% of men will cheat on their spouse. The reasons are as varied as the different personalities of people around the globe, there is no one size fits all explanation. There are, however, some common denominators and patterns that come up time and again as explanations for cheating. Some are easily rectified if both parties to the marriage or relationship are willing to put in the effort to make it work. Other causes are evidence of an irredeemable character flaw. With that in mind here are the top 10 reasons people cheat on their relationship.

那爲什麼有些人選擇背叛他們的諾言——不僅是對他們伴侶，也是對孩子，甚至從大方面來講對社會。數據顯示，高達50%的女性與60%的男性會出軌——這已大大超乎一般人的想象。背後的原因多種多樣，沒有哪一種能一下子解決所有問題。但在所有原因中，某些普遍的共同點與行爲模式一再重複出現。其中有幾個問題，如果雙方願意共同努力，便可以輕易解決。而另一些，則屬於天性使然，純粹無藥可救。以下就是人們出軌的10個最常見的理由。

are not happy in their relationship

10.在這段關係中不快樂

Some couples enter into a marriage blissfully in love (or in lust) but unaware of a potentially dangerous incompatibility. It may seem deeply unromantic but if you have a fundamentally different approach to saving, spending money, where to go on vacation, wanting children or even whether you want pets these incompatibilities will, over time, cause fractures that if left unresolved will start to niggle. It is important, in the early stages of any potentially long term relationship, to talk through and make sure that you are either on the same page or willing to compromise on these important issues.

一些情侶因爲愛（或者情慾）滿懷期待地進入婚姻，卻沒準備好包容彼此的不同之處。雖然這麼說不太浪漫，但畢竟對於一些必須解決的基本問題——要不要儲蓄，如何花錢，休假去哪裏玩，生不生孩子，甚至是養不養寵物——如果你們倆的觀點大相徑庭且沒有及時解決的話，隨着時間的推移，必然會產生嫌隙，併爲這些小事傷透腦筋。所以在開始一段潛在的長期關係初期，兩人應該就這些問題好好談談，確定彼此意見相投或者願意做出讓步。

Other couples were never truly in love in the first place but settled for the relationship because they were both at the same stage of life and looking for the same next step. These marriages quickly become unhappy when the normal tensions of married life start to surface. When couples are unhappy in their marriage they are tempted to cheat as a means of getting away from the very thing that makes them unhappy in the first place. Studies reveal that unhappiness in a marriage can increase the likelihood of a partner cheating by almost 3%. The best way to prevent this is to keep the lines of communication open at all times. Make time for each other not just physically (see below) but emotionally as well. The best way to prevent your partner (or yourself) being tempted to cheat is to keep your marriage fresh and happy.

而另一些夫妻在一開始並沒有愛上對方，但因爲雙方都是抱着結婚的目的去的，最後也順利結了婚。但這種婚姻會讓雙方很快都變得不快樂，尤其當婚姻生活中兩人必經的小摩擦小爭執開始浮出水面的時候。當人們對婚姻不滿意的時候，就會容易出軌，以此擺脫讓他們變得不快樂的因素。研究表明這種不快樂會使一方出軌的機率提高3%。而避免出軌的最好辦法就是持續的交流。爲對方騰出時間，不僅是生理上的（參考下一個理由），也是心理上的。避免你的另一半（或是你自己）輕易出軌的最好方法是讓婚姻持續煥發新鮮、快樂的光彩。

are not getting enough sex in their relationship

9.性生活不和諧

Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, physical intimacy helps to reinforce bonds of love, trust and affection. While the early stages of a relationship are often filled with regular sexual encounters this can tail off as a relationship becomes more established, particularly after children arrive and parents are worn down by the dual commitments of work and family.

性是健康婚姻的重要組成部分，生理上的親密會加強愛情與信任的紐帶。但事實是，一般夫妻在關係剛開始的一段時間都會進行規律的性行爲，而當關系變得更穩定之後，性行爲就會慢慢減少，尤其是有了孩子以後，夫妻倆都爲了兼顧家庭與工作而疲於奔命。

Sadly societal conditioning leads to men and women having different expectations about sex and different people have different sex drives. A successful marriage will be one where those drives are in synch. Where one person wants more sex than the other is willing to give there can be the potential for problems. In some cases one spouse may be a sex addict with a compulsive need to seek out sex without regard for the consequences to their relationship. In other cases there may be just a simple disconnect between the sex drives of the spouses or one spouse may be experiencing a drastic loss of libido (or erectile dysfunction). Men who have high sex drives are much more likely to cheat than others (a 4% increase for each step up in sexual excitability). People who are concerned about a loss of libido or ability to achieve orgasm are also more likely to cheat – an increase of8% likelihood for women and 6% for men. Probably because they are seeking validation that they still 'have it' and can get aroused if the situation is right.

令人沮喪的是，社會背景導致了男人與女人對性有不同的期待，而不同的人又有不同程度的性慾。在成功的婚姻中，雙方性慾往往協調一致。如果有一方想要更多性行爲，而另一方卻不願意配合的話，就有可能出現問題。在某些情況下，有一方如果性成癮，就可能會不顧對親密關係造成的傷害而從他人處獲得性滿足。而在另一些情況下，可能僅僅是雙方性慾不同步或是其中一方因爲某些原因喪失了性衝動（或勃起障礙）。性慾比較旺盛的男性更有可能出軌（性興奮程度每上升一個層次就可導致多4%的出軌機率）。對失去性衝動或無法到達高潮的擔心也會增加出軌的可能性——對女性而言可能性上升8%，對男性則是6%。而這背後的原因可能是他們在尋求證明他們仍舊“能做到”或者是如果當下情境是對的，她們依舊會衝動。

are tempted by others

8.受他人誘惑

Just because a person enters a relationship it does not mean that they suddenly become unattractive to others who may be unattached. The other person (male or female) may be attracted to a married person just as easily as to someone who is not married. If they are a decent individual who cares about the consequences of their actions they will refrain from making advances. Some predators may not be put off by the relationship status of the person they desire. Indeed a marriage band or a declaration of relationship may make the person all the more appealing.

只是因爲人們進入固定關係，並不代表他們突然就對其他人失去了吸引力。第三者（無論男性或女性）會受到結了婚的人的吸引，就像受到沒有伴侶的人的吸引一樣。這些人如果頭腦清醒、有自制力，且在意他們的行爲帶來的後果，他們就不會試圖介入他人婚姻。而另一些則好像聞到了血腥味的食肉動物，根本不會因爲對方有另一半就被嚇退。事實上，結了婚或者有固定伴侶反而讓他們覺得對方更有吸引力。

These predators will put on the charm and go all out to tempt the object of their desire. If the married person is weak willed it is almost a certainty that they will cheat, it is only a matter of time. It also appears that we are genetically programmed to be tempted to take risks when we see people who are attractive to us. If someone is tempted often enough their defenses may just crumble and they will find themselves risking their marriage just to take a chance on an affair.

這些食肉動物會使出渾身解數來誘惑他們的目標人物。如果對方意志薄弱，幾乎可以肯定他一定會出軌，只不過是時間早晚。而且，我們似乎是天生就帶有冒險精神，尤其是看到對我們有吸引力的人的時候。如果受到持續、強大的誘惑，我們的防禦系統很有可能就此崩潰，不惜拿婚姻冒險。

fall in love with another person

7.愛上別人

When a couple make the decision to marry they assume that they are in love and will remain exclusively in love for the rest of their lives. But what happens when one of the parties falls in love with another person? It can happen quite easily – in our society today equal opportunities mean that men and women work very closely together. It is not surprising then that romantic relationships can develop in all the myriad of situations where people find themselves pushed together.

當一對情侶決定結婚的時候，他們認爲他們正愛着對方，並且這份愛會延續終生。但如果有一方愛上別人怎麼辦？畢竟這是件很容易的事——如今的社會機會均等，男性與女性在工作中朝夕相處。一段浪漫關係在任何情境下發生都不令人意外。

Sometimes these relationships start out (or never progress beyond) emotional affairs which some victims class as a worse form of cheating than no strings sex. Of course the simple solution would be to end one relationship before starting another but this is not always possible or indeed always desirable to the cheating party who may fall into category 1 below and want to have their cake and eat it too.

有時候一些關係開始於（或者止於）精神出軌，而被出軌的一方會認爲這比肉體出軌更無法接受。最簡單的解決方法自然是結束一段關係然後開始另一段，但有時候這是不可能的，而且對於被背叛的那一方，他們有可能會因爲以下這個理由，想讓對方也嚐嚐被出軌的滋味。

want revenge

6.想要報復

Finding out that your spouse has cheated on you can give rise to many complex emotions. Not only are you likely to feel deeply betrayed and hurt but you are also likely to want to get revenge in one form or another. While some people are creative in the ways they seek revenge others decide to serve their spouse with a taste of their own medicine and go out and cheat.

發現你的另一半出軌會讓你產生一種複雜的情緒。你不僅會深深地感到背叛與傷害，很有可能你也想要報復。一些致力於花式虐狗，而另一些人則想要以牙還牙。

While this type of revenge can feel good in the short term it can lead to all sorts of other problems. Once a cheated party cheats themselves the original bad spouse is likely to feel that their actions were vindicated and carry on with their appalling behavior. The revenge cheater is also likely to feel appalling because they took actions which they would not, in normal circumstances, condone. It is also likely to make it far more difficult to salvage the marriage. It seems that the majority of people are intelligent enough to realize that revenge cheating is a path that leads to nowhere. When asked whether they would cheat on their spouse to get revenge for an affair only 9% of men said that they would consider it. It also appears that men are far more forgiving of infidelity (possibly because they are more likely to be the perpetrators) than women as 14% of women said that they would be open to considering a revenge affair if their partner cheated.

這種報復方式可能讓人在短時間內揚眉吐氣，但也會產生各種各樣的問題。一旦被出軌的那方自己變成了出軌人，本來做錯事的另一半反而會覺得他們沒做錯什麼，甚至會繼續出軌。而出於報復出軌的那一方則會自我感覺很糟糕，因爲他們做了，在正常情況下，他們自己都無法原諒的行爲。這讓挽救婚姻的行爲變得更加道阻且長。其實大多數人都會意識到報復式的出軌不會帶來任何好處。當被問及是否會因爲報復而出軌的時候，只有9%的男性說他們會考慮。同樣男性顯得比女性更能容忍不忠（可能因爲他們自己就更有可能出軌），有14%的女性說她們會考慮看看報復出軌。

翻譯：陸宵晨 來源：前十網