社交媒體破壞我們約會的10種方式(上)
Our tech-driven society has been at the helm of many wonderful things. Internet is now a household commodity; people can work remotely, allowing them to connect with colleagues and business partners from across the globe, and the advent of social media websites like Facebook have allowed people to rediscover friendships and family they may have otherwise never seen again. One thing that social media and technology have not benefitted is modern dating culture. In fact, social media and technology have basically ruined dating and romance as we know it. Gone are the days of handwritten love notes, mustering up the courage to formally ask someone out on a date, and ambitions for monogamy rather than hooking up. Millennial daters have been ones that are said to be part of what has been coined the "hookup culture" and much of said hooking up is steeped in social media and technology. Let's share a collective groan and take a look at 10 ways social media and technology have ruined dating.
科技驅動的世界給我們帶來了很多美妙的事物，如今互聯網已普及到家家戶戶，人們不僅可以遠程工作，還可以跨過整個地球聯繫到同事和合作夥伴。Facebook的出現更使人們重獲他們可能不會再有的友情和親情。但是，有一個東西完全沒能從社交媒體和技術獲益——現代的約會文化。事實上，如我們所知，社交媒體和技術已經基本上毀掉了我們的約會和其中的浪漫。過去是一個手寫情書的時代，是一個鼓足勇氣去正式邀請別人約會的時代，是一個大家奔着一生一世一雙人去戀愛的時代，而非一個隨便勾搭約炮的時代。而21世紀的約會卻常常被認爲是"約炮文化"的一部分，而許多這些所謂約炮的溫牀就是社交媒體。深呼吸，讓我們一起來看看10種社交媒體破壞我們約會的方式。Constantly See Your Ex, Even If It's Only Through Photos
10.你時不時會看到你的前任，即使只是照片
When Facebook was first established, it was exclusive only to college students. Today, it seems that everyone and their mother — not to mention their grandmother — has an account on the social media platform. I'm pretty sure I'm friends with most of my friends' pets as well. Along with social media sites like Twitter and Instagram coming into the fold as popular social media sites, this constant connection to people can have detrimental effects when it comes to attempts at getting over a breakup. Back before the internet, breakups could be resolved by both parties agreeing not to see or talk again, and subsequently pretending the other person doesn't exist and/or moved to a different planet.
當Facebook剛剛建立的時候，它只在大學生間流行。今天，似乎每個人，以及他們的媽媽——暫不提祖母輩的——都在社交平臺上有一個賬戶。我很確定在Facebook上我還與許多我朋友的寵物是好友關係呢。隨着Twitter和 Instagram 這類的社交網站變得流行，人們相互間這種緊密的聯繫對於想走出失戀的人來說很是不利。在網絡出現之前，分手後兩方一致達成不再見面或不再說話的約定，之後假裝另一方不存在或搬到另一個星球去了，人們自然而然能走出失戀。
It has become pretty impossible to cleanse your mind of an Ex File when our respective news feeds are so often congested with exes posting every moment from their nights out — some of those nights including pictures with said ex posing ambiguously with another person that may or may not be romantically involved with them. You can always delete and/or block an ex from your "friends" list, but even that can seem like a formidable task when you're attempting to look "totally cool" with the situation. As Complex puts it, even when you do decide to unfriend/unfollow an ex, "…you have to remember what mutual friends you have so you don't have to see Instagrammed pictures of your ex tongue-wrestling with her rando creeper neighbor you always thought had a thing for her." Ugh.
可是現在我們各自的信息網常常充斥着前任發表夜晚出行的動態——有些晚上他們還上傳了他們和曖昧不清的人模糊的合照，把前任從你的腦袋裏趕出去幾乎不可能。就算你把你的前任從你的好友列表中刪除或拉黑，但你連想裝出一副無所謂的樣子都變得無比艱鉅。就像Complex網站說的，當你下定決心去取消好友或是取消關注前任的時候，"你不得不留意你們有哪些共同好友，以防在Instagram上看到你前任和鄰居噁心的舌吻照——你早就懷疑那個一籬之隔的鄰居對她有意思了。"呸！ersation Has Gone Almost Exclusively To Text
9.對話變得幾乎只在短信中進行了
Remember the days when landlines weren't archaic and it was actually considered normal for those in the 20s and 30s age bracket to own one? The only landline I receive a call from now is the one located at my parents' house and even they seldom use it anymore. Seriously, ever since my parents learned how to text (and learned what "lol" stands for) they can't get enough of texting me and my sister. They still kick it old school with the occasional voicemails, but I digress…
還記得固定電話還沒過時的日子嗎？還記得二、三十歲的人擁有一部固定電話再普遍不過的日子嗎？如今我唯一能接到的固定電話來電就是來自我父母家的那臺固定電話，然而，即使是我的父母也很少使用它了。嚴格地說，自從我的父母學會了怎麼打字（並且知道lol代表什麼），他們便一直過不夠給我和我姐姐發短信的癮。他們甚至還拋棄了時不時和他們電話留言的一幫朋友，呃，我跑題了……Elite Daily's Stephanie Hayman expounded upon the ways that texting has definitively ruined facets of dating. "Our generation, one that lovingly relishes in the concept of instant gratification, has single-handedly managed to undermine the art of dating by means of technological evolution," she says. "How, you ask? Via speech bubbles that APPear on a 2 x 4 screen" Hayman went on to note the pernicious advent of things like the "buzzed texts" singles frequently receive from would-be companions. "The illusion that is all-encompassing of the classic ‘booty call' text has the ability to become too routine. If a guy only communicates with you between the hours of 9 pm to 3 am, you know what his intentions are." The popularity of the smartphone has offered many wonderful things — we now have access to emails, websites, a slew of self-improving apps, and the like right at our fingertips. Of course, with every positive there are invariably a few negatives attached, which brings us to the topic of texting. Texting is fun, convenient, and a great excuse to use all those fun emojis of gals dancing and puppies. However, with texting becoming the preferred method of communication (hearing a person's voice is so overrated, right?) the dating scene has been pervaded by this lack of intimate exchanges and exacerbated things like misunderstanding and mixed messages.
來自《精英日報》的斯蒂芬妮·艾曼認同短信確確實實毀掉了我們約會的各種方式。"我們這一代，沉浸在瞬時滿足感的一代，借科技的進步一手毀掉了約會的藝術。"她說，"你問如何毀掉的？就是在2×4屏幕的對話框上毀掉的。"接着艾曼又指出這些東西的危害——比如單身人士從潛在的伴侶頻繁收到的"微醉的短信"，他們會有對方在邀"約炮"的錯覺，這類典型的短信變得越來越日常化。如果有人只在晚上9點到3點找你聊天，你知道他圖的是什麼。"手機的普及帶來了許多美妙的東西——我們能享用電子郵箱，網站，許多自我升級的應用和其他類似的指尖上的樂趣。當然，福總是禍之所倚，我們這才進入了短信的這個話題。發短信有趣又方便，也是我們使用跳舞女孩和小狗這些搞笑表情的一個好藉口。不過當發短信變成了大家更傾向的溝通方式（聽到一個人的聲音太奢望了，對吧？），約會的場面就會因缺少親密交流而變得尷尬，像是誤會或是混雜的短信則會加劇情形的惡化。One Has to Be Courageous Anymore
8.你再也不需要勇氣了
In the olden days of…well…anytime before smartphones and household internet, asking someone on a date was one that involved a great mustering of courage along with actual feelings of affection for the person a man or woman was planning to ask out. As the New York Times puts it, "Traditional courtship — picking up the telephone and asking someone on a date — required courage, strategic planning and a considerable investment of ego (by telephone, rejection stings)." Today, with a majority of dating invitations be posed through text, online dating websites and apps, "it's more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble." Moreover, technology has increased the dating pool exponentially. Where people used to hope for a situation of happenstance or seek setups through friends, family, and colleagues, social media and dating apps currently offer a vast catalogue of singles for anyone looking to find a potential companion or hookup. The mustering of courage that used to precede asking someone on a date has basically disappeared. Because of the numerous options available, rejection isn't something to be feared because a potential date could be right around the corner. Furthermore, because there is very little verbal communication before an actual date manifests, disinterested singles can simply choose not to respond to a text or "un-match" on a dating app. Although it's nice to have choices, too many choices can also diminish the intimacy and courage that was once prevalent in courtship.
正如《紐約時報》寫的："傳統的追求方式——拿起電話提出約會——需要勇氣、策略，以及相當程度上的自尊捨棄(在電話裏被拒絕是一件很傷自尊的事情)。而如今，許多約會邀請都是通過短信、在線交友網站或是手機應用提出的，"這更像是往湖裏拋下魚線，期待有魚上鉤。"此外，科技讓我們可約會的"大池子"呈指數擴大。以前人們希望通過一些偶然的邂逅，或者是通過朋友、家人以及同事的安排來認識自己的另一半，而現在社交媒體和交友APP提供了一系列的單身男女以供相親或約炮。在提出約會邀請之前，人們再也不需要提起多大的勇氣。正是因爲有太多的選擇，被拒絕似乎也並非是一件可怕的事，也許在下一個轉角就有一個約會等着你。再者，在真正見面之前，兩個人之間並不熟悉，如果對對方不感興趣，只需要忽略信息或者在交友APP上選擇"不適合"即可。雖然有選擇是一件好事，但是選擇太多反而會減弱人們之間的親密感，減少在以往追求過程中所需要的勇氣。ne Dating Discourages Monogamy
7.線上交友會降低夫妻之間的忠誠度
With such a vast Rolodex of prospective mates to choose from, the temptation to become a serial dater rather than settle into a monogamous relationship has never been more tantamount as it is with 21st century dating culture. "The older you get as a man, the more experienced you get. You know what to do with women, how to treat them and talk to them. Add to that the effect of online dating," U.K. dating site founder, Dan Winchester, told The Atlantic's Dan Slater. "I often wonder whether matching you up with great people is getting so efficient, and the process so enjoyable, that marriage will become obsolete." And for those who are married, online dating continues its pernicious affect on romance and monogamy.
正是因爲存在如此多潛在的約會對象，與其專心和一個人交往，不如成爲一個約炮高手，這就是21世紀社交文化的現實狀況。"隨着年齡的增長，你會積累更多的經驗。你會知道該如何和女人相處，如何對待她們，怎麼和她們聊天。這些經驗在線上約會中發揮了很大的作用。"英國交友網站的成立者丹·溫徹斯特對《大西洋月刊》的記者丹·斯拉特這樣說："我常常在思考，一旦和他人的配對變得如此迅速，約炮過程又這麼愉悅，婚姻是否會就此變成過去式。"而對於已婚人士，線上約會對於婚姻雙方的幸福感和忠誠度有着長期的惡性影響。Ashley Madison is a website pandering specifically to married individuals who are looking to have an affair, as well as singles who apparently have a thing for legally bound men and women. Operating under the tagline "Life is short. Have an affair.", the site has received an onslaught of criticism since being established in 2001, while also garnering billions of dollars from members that look to peruse extramarital options. BBC's Kim Gittleson spoke with the website's founder, Noel Biderman, who attempted to make a case for infidelity and using affairs as a business model. "I think unfortunately the morality of infidelity is that last bastion — we've gotten comfortable with interracial relationships, we're getting more comfortable with same-sex ones, it's infidelity that has a long history that has to be overridden." I don't know if cheating on your spouse can really be compared to civil rights, but OK then… The article went on to note results from a study "…by analyst firm Global Web Index found that more than 40% of the users on the Tinder dating app were married or in a relationship." Apparently "swiping right" can have more dire consequences than we thought.
Ashley Madison是一家專門爲已婚人士提供婚外情服務的網站，也爲希望和已婚人士發生關係的單身者提供服務。自從2001年成立之後，這個網站在"人生苦短，及時行樂！"的口號之下運作，它在飽受批評的同時，也從不斷尋找婚外情的人那裏獲得了上億美金的利潤。BBC記者金·吉特爾森採訪了網站的成立人諾艾爾·畢德曼——他試圖利用夫妻之間的不忠行爲以及婚外情作爲商機獲取利潤。"不幸的是，夫妻間的不忠誠是最後的堡壘——我們已經接受了跨種族戀，也習慣了同性戀，但是通姦卻是花了很長一段時間還沒有解決的問題。"我不知道對配偶的不忠是否能和人權相提並論，但如果可以的話，那麼…… 我們也想強調一個研究結果："全球網路指數公司研究發現Tinder交友軟件的使用者超過40%都是已婚者。"顯然，"向右滑動"導致的結果比想象中更糟糕。al Media And Technology Can Delay a First Date From Even Happening
6.社交軟件和科技甚至會耽誤第一次約會
Comedian and actor, Aziz Ansari, recently released a book titled Modern Romance, which he co-wrote with sociologist Eric Klinenberg. The work takes a comprehensive look at the shifts modern entities like social media and smartphones have caused in the dating world. Speculation on the trials of dating in a millennial society is old hat for Ansari, as he has frequently referenced it in his stand-up specials. During one bit for his special, Dangerously Delicious, Ansari laments that he made a discovery that all dating conversation had "gone exclusively to text" once he had exited a long-term relationship. The bit is as hilarious as it is achingly true, as Ansari notes the miscommunication that can happen during texting, where both parties will instantly respond to texts until someone says something like,"‘OK cool. So you wanna get pizza on Tuesday?' And then I don't hear anything! And I'm like, ‘what just happened? I know you read that s***. You responded to 20 other things I just said. What, do you not like me anymore?…Did you check your phone into a locker and go ride a rollercoaster for a few hours? WHAT'S THE DEAL?!'"
喜劇演員阿茲·安薩里同社會學家埃裏克·克林伯格合作寫就的著作《現代浪漫》於近期發表。該書主要全方位講解了像社交軟件和智能手機這樣的現代產品是如何影響當今約會方式的。安薩里經常在他的單人喜劇裏提及用過去的眼光審視21世紀的約會已經過時了。在他的喜劇——《危險的美味》中，安薩里悲嘆道他發現一旦兩個人之間存在着長期的親密關係，所有在約會中的對話無一例外都是通過短信進行的。這段喜劇表演非常貼切幽默，因爲事實就是如此：短信交流容易造成誤解。比如說，當雙方都在不停地回覆着信息直到其中一人說，"好。所以你想今天晚上吃披薩？"然後就沒回復了！我可能就會發，"剛剛發生了什麼啊？我知道你看到我的信息了！你剛剛還回復了我之前發的20條信息。你是不是不再喜歡我了？……難道你是把手機鎖在了儲物櫃去玩了幾個小時的過山車麼？到底怎麼回事？！"New York single, Shani Silver, told The New York Times of similar dating woes related to texting. There is an intangible nonchalance attached to typing words into a phone rather than hearing an actual voice, and this lackadaisical nature accompanied by "LOLs" and emojis has pervaded our current dating culture. When texting about a date, that date in turn becomes less intimate. Silver, for example, received a last minute invite to a "date" with a man she had met online, only to realize his idea of a date was having her join him for a few rounds with his a slew of his buddies from college. "At 10 p.m., I hadn't heard from him," she told The New York Times. It wasn't until 10:30 p.m. that he sent her this text message: "Hey, I'm at Pub And Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?" and added, "I'm here with a bunch of friends from college." "‘It's one step below a date and one step above a high-five,' she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along." Speaking of casualties…
紐約的單身人士珊尼·希爾夫告訴《紐約時報》，她也有過類似由於短信而造成的約會悲劇。因爲文字有一種無形的冷漠，短信不能真實地傳達你的語氣。這些了無生氣的短信交流連同着各種表情遍及我們的約會生活。舉個例子，希爾夫收到一位通過網絡認識的男士的約會邀請，然而她發現所謂的約會只是和他的大學同學們一起交流。"都已經晚上10點了，我還是沒有他的任何消息，"希爾夫告訴《紐約時報》的記者。直到10點半，那位男士終於發來了一條訊息："我在餐酒店,你想要來喝一杯嗎？"但他又說，"這裏有一堆我大學同學呢。" "我們現在是勝過朋友，戀人未滿的關係，"希爾夫又說，"想在浪漫漂亮的小餐館吃頓飯？得了吧！現在二十幾歲的女人能在交談的關鍵短息中被提到就已經很幸運了。"以上就是一個現代科技受害者的自述……審校：彼得潘 編輯：listen 來源：前十網
