倫理討論 同性戀夫夫選擇收養還是代孕

My husband and I are gay and are exploring the possibility of having children using an egg donor and a surrogate mother. Sometimes when we mention this in conversation, people ask us, in a chiding tone, Why don’t you adopt? They often then argue that with so many children in need of good homes, it would be ethically superior for us to adopt, instead of spending a small fortune so we can have children to whom we are genetically tied. In addition, there are ethical issues related to paying women for their eggs or paying women to carry our children as surrogates. Are we acting unethically — or at the least selfishly or self-indulgently — in pursuing biological children instead of adopting orphans who could benefit from what (we like to think) would be a good home? David Lat, New York

我和丈夫是同性戀，我們正在考慮通過捐贈的卵子和代孕擁有自己的孩子。有時我們在談話中提起這件事時，別人總是以責備的語氣問我們爲什麼不收養孩子。他們給出的理由往往是有那麼多孩子需要良好的家庭，從道德上講，收養孩子比花錢生育跟自己有基因聯繫的孩子更高尚。另外，購買卵子和花錢請人代孕也涉及倫理問題。我們想要親生孩子而不是去收養孤兒好讓他們享受（我們自認爲）良好的家庭環境真的不道德嗎？或者至少是自私或自我放縱嗎？——大衛·拉特(David Lat)，紐約

Anybody who is contemplating having a baby, by whatever means, could be adopting a child instead. If those who chide you include people who have biological children themselves, you might want to point this out. Come to think of it, your friends who don’t have children are also free, if they meet the legal requirements, to adopt. Every child awaiting adoption is someone who could benefit from parental volunteers. There is no good reason to pick on you.

任何一個正在考慮要孩子的人——不管是通過什麼途徑——都可以收養孩子。如果那些指責你的人中有人自己有親生孩子，可以指出這一點。細想一下，你那些沒有孩子的朋友如果達到法律要求，也可以收養。任何等待收養的孩子都能從自願收養的父母那裏受益。所以不能單指責你們。

The path you have chosen, it’s true, mixes commerce and reproduction through egg donation and surrogacy. But while acquiring an egg and then working with a surrogate mother are transactions with ethical risks, they can each be conducted in morally permissible ways. The main concerns I would have are avoiding exploitation — so you need to make sure that the donor and the surrogate are acting freely and are fairly compensated — and taking care that your understanding with the surrogate mother is clearly laid out in advance. But any responsible agency that assists you in this should cover these bases.

的確，你們選擇的方法涉及卵子捐贈和代孕，所以把商業交易和繁育後代聯繫到了一起。但是，雖然購買卵子以及與代孕母親合作是有倫理風險的交易，但是都能以倫理允許的方式進行。我最主要的擔心是避免剝削，所以你需要確保卵子捐贈者和代孕母親是自願的，且能得到合理補償，要注意提前與代孕母親達成清晰的共識。不過，任何一個負責任的協助代孕的機構都會注意這些基本問題的。

Wanting a biological connection with your child is pretty normal: We evolved to pass on our genes, after all, even if we’re free to give Mother Nature the side-eye. There are also things you can more likely do for children to whom you’re biologically related — notably, on the organ-donor front. So while it would be terrific if you adopted, it’s no more incumbent on you than it is on any other potential parents.

希望孩子跟自己有基因聯繫是很正常的想法：畢竟我們通過基因傳遞而進化，就算我們對大自然不以爲然。另外，有些事情你更可能爲自己的親生孩子去做，最明顯的就是捐贈器官。所以，雖然收養是很好的事情，但是你們並不比其他潛在的父母更有義務這樣做。

I’ve worked as an educator and administrator in public schools for over a decade. During this time, I have served as a character witness and written letters on behalf of students who have been arrested. In certain cases, these students have been charged with violent offenses. I often found myself in heated arguments with a loved one over these acts of advocacy, specifically because court proceedings typically take place during the day, which requires me to have someone cover my duties at school. I feel that this advocacy is justified because I am an adult who has invested deeply in the development of the children and knows who they are outside of their offenses. Is it ethical for school staff members to offer their time and efforts to support students charged with violent crimes? Name Withheld

我在公立學校擔任教師和管理者十多年。在此期間，我曾爲那些被拘留的學生做品格擔保人，代表他們寫文書。在某些案件中，這些學生被判暴力犯罪。我經常與我愛的人就我的辯護行動進行激烈爭論，尤其是因爲法庭活動通常在白天進行，所以我必須請別人代班。我覺得自己的辯護行動是合理的，因爲我在這些孩子的成長過程中投入了很多，我知道他們不違法的時候是什麼樣子。學校員工付出時間和精力支持被判暴力犯罪的學生合乎道義嗎？——匿名

You’re presumably talking about helping the courts to understand the social and educational contexts of students accused of crimes. You’re permitted to testify when the courts find this information relevant in deciding what to do with young offenders. In doing so, you’re helping the courts make what are often very difficult decisions. As long as your advocacy is truthful, it can be a valuable contribution. Asking colleagues to cover for you when you’re doing a public service would seem entirely acceptable; they have good reason to support what you’re doing — and because of that, you should be willing to cover for others when they do the same.

你說的可能是幫助法庭瞭解被判有罪的學生的社會和教育背景。當法庭發現這些信息對決定如何處置少年犯有用時，你被允許去作證。你這樣做是在幫助法庭做出通常很艱難的決定。只要辯護的內容是真實的，那會是很有價值的貢獻。你進行公共服務時請同事代班似乎是完全可以接受的。他們很應該支持你做的事情，因此，當他們去做同樣的事情時，你也應該願意爲他們代班。

Let me address an issue you haven’t raised: The fact that a student on whose behalf you speak could receive a lighter sentence may upset his or her victims or their families. If the court is doing its job properly, however, the sentence is lighter only because its decision would have otherwise been based on a less complete picture. There is, of course, a question of fairness here, because many young offenders don’t have the advantage of a teacher willing to speak up for them. But you wouldn’t contribute to the overall justice of the situation by denying helpful information in one case on the grounds that it’s unavailable in many others. If you want to help with that problem, you might try to persuade your union to develop ethical guidelines for conducting this form of advocacy.

請允許我談一點你沒提到的問題：替學生說話可能幫他輕判，這可能會讓受害人及其家人感到失望。不過，如果法院判罰得當，那麼從輕處罰只是因爲法院對情況有了更全面的瞭解。當然，還有一個公平問題，因爲很多少年犯沒有這樣的優勢，沒有哪位老師願意替他們說話。但是，如果因爲很多其他人沒有這樣的優勢，所以你也拒絕提供有用的信息，那麼你也不會提高整個情況的公平性。如果你想改善這種情況，那麼你可以試圖勸說工會制訂進行這種辯護的倫理指導方針。

I am the director of a student’s research for his master’s degree and his eventual thesis. When I accepted him as a student, I was impressed by his intelligence, but I have come to know him as a conniving person who easily lies to get his way. He has no problem manipulating people who don’t know him, and I have come to dislike him because of the way he uses his intelligence. My question is how to respond to his eventual requests for recommendations. He hasn琀 written his thesis yet and busies himself with many other activities, but I know that he will eventually produce a document. I do not want to give this individual a good recommendation. Denying him will probably create an enemy for life, and that can be a difficulty given the culture of the South American country where I live. What should I do or say to him when it comes time to respond to his request? Do I have some obligation to recommend him, looking for any good points I can speak to? Name Withheld, Bogotá, Colombia

我擔任一名學生的碩士學位研究和論文寫作的導師。我同意做他的導師時，對他的才智印象深刻，但是後來我才知道他是一個愛搞陰謀的人，經常爲達目的撒謊。他完全不介意利用那些不瞭解他的人，他耍小聰明的方法讓我越來越不喜歡他。我的問題是如果最後他讓我給他寫推薦信，我該怎麼辦。他還沒寫論文，忙着進行很多其他活動，但我知道他最終會拿到學位。我不想給這個人寫一份好推薦信。拒絕他很可能會給我樹立一個終生的敵人，考慮到我所生活的這個南美國家的文化，這會是個麻煩。將來他提出那個要求時我該怎麼辦，怎麼說？我有義務給他寫推薦信嗎？比如寫些我願意說的優點？——匿名，波哥大，哥倫比亞

Here in the United States, you’re certainly free to tell a student you won’t write a recommendation for him, or to say that you don’t think a recommendation from you would be helpful if you did. Indeed, if you’re sure that it will be unhelpful, I think you have a duty to say so. But I don’t know what the conventions are in your country; you seem to be worried that this sort of frankness might create a dangerous enemy. Maybe you have reason to doubt that your recommendation would be kept in confidence.

在美國，肯定可以對學生說，你不會給他寫推薦信，或者說你覺得自己的推薦信對他不會有什麼幫助。真的，如果確定不會有幫助，我覺得你有責任這樣說。但是我不知道你的國家的習慣。你好像很擔心這樣的坦率可能會製造一個危險的敵人。也許你有理由懷疑你的推薦信能始終保密。

That may justify care and caution; it doesn’t justify mendacity. You should write a letter that your student could see without feeling you betrayed him and that you could write without feeling you betrayed yourself. Accurately describe his intellectual skills and achievements. But you don’t need to say anything at all about his character. Readers will surely make their own inferences; they know that what you don’t say is just as important as what you do. If it’s conventional where you live to say something positive about a person’s character, your silence can be expected to prompt a negative inference. Even if it doesn’t, you won’t have said anything to support a positive inference.

從小心謹慎的角度講，這無可厚非，但是從弄虛作假的角度講，這是不應該的。應該寫一封即使你的學生看到也不會覺得你背叛他的推薦信，同時這樣一封推薦信也不會讓你覺得背叛自己。準確描述他的知識技能和成績。但是完全不需要提到他的性格。讀這封推薦信的人肯定能做出自己的推斷。他們知道你沒說的和你說的同樣重要。如果你所在的國家在推薦信中通常都要提到一個人性格方面的優點，那麼你不提肯定會引發負面的推斷。即使不能，也沒有說任何支持正面推斷的話。

Here’s a test you might put to yourself: Suppose someone employs your student after reading your recommendation and then discovers the faults you describe. The employer rereads your letter. Will he or she have cause to feel misled?

可以用這個方法進行衡量：假設在看完你的推薦信後，某個單位僱傭了你的學生，後來發現這名學生有上面提到的那些缺點。那位僱傭者重讀你的信。他/她會覺得自己被誤導了嗎？

Once a week, I volunteer at a nonprofit organization, answering a distress line. As a token of its appreciation, the organization provides volunteers with two subway tickets for each day they volunteer. I do not use these tickets because I get to the organization by walking. Instead, I use the tickets to get to another volunteer job that is farther away and that does not provide volunteers with subway tickets. Am I obliged to use the tickets for their implicit purpose of getting me to and from the volunteer job? Name Withheld

曾經有一週，我在一個非盈利組織做志願者，接聽苦惱求助熱線。爲了表示感謝，這個組織每天給志願者提供兩張地鐵票。我沒用這些票，因爲我可以走路去那裏。我用那些票去離我的住處比較遠的地方做另一份志願工作——那份工作不給志願者提供地鐵票。我必須把這些車票用在做這份志願工作的通勤上嗎？——匿名

If someone gives you a benefit to be used for a particular purpose, you owe it to that person to ask if you can use it for another. Suppose you’re in college, and your rich uncle gives you money to pay for the expensive new textbooks your syllabus requires. Instead, you buy cheap used editions and put the rest of the money to another use. Maybe you’re buying booze. Maybe you’re donating to the Betty Ford Center. Either way, this isn’t what your uncle had in mind; you’ve broken an implicit agreement.

如果有人給你一項福利是爲了實現特定的目的，那麼需要問問那個人你可否用作他途。假設你在上大學，你富有的叔叔給你錢購買課程所需的昂貴的新書。而你買了些便宜的二手書，把剩下的錢花在其他地方。比如買酒。或者是捐給貝蒂·福特中心(Betty Ford Center)。不管怎樣，那不是你叔叔所設想的。你實際上違背了默認的協議。

So ask a responsible person at the organization that gives you the subway tickets. I doubt your conduct will cause concern; you may well be told that the tickets are for the organization’s volunteers to use as they please. All the same: Ask. (And by the way, thanks for doing all this volunteer work!)

所以問問給你地鐵票的那個組織的負責人。我覺得你的行爲不會帶來任何問題。你可能會被告知，那些車票是供這個組織的志願者們隨意使用的。總之：問一下（另外，感謝你做這些志願工作！）。