諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第3章Part 2

"Where your diamonds?" Beloved searched Sethe's face.
"Diamonds? What would I be doing with diamonds?"
"On your ears."
"Wish I did. I had some crystal once. A present from a lady I worked for."
"Tell me," said Beloved, smiling a wide happy smile. "Tell me your diamonds."
It became a way to feed her. Just as Denver discovered and relied on the delightful effect sweetthings had on Beloved, Sethe learned the profound satisfaction Beloved got from storytelling. Itamazed Sethe (as much as it pleased Beloved) because every mention of her past life hurt.
Everything in it was painful or lost. She and Baby Suggs had agreed without saying so that it wasunspeakable; to Denver's inquiries Sethe gave short replies or rambling incomplete reveries. Evenwith Paul D, who had shared some of it and to whom she could talk with at least a measure ofcalm, the hurt was always there-like a tender place in the corner of her mouth that the bit left.
But,as she began telling about the earrings, she found herself wanting to, liking it. Perhaps it wasBeloved's distance from the events itself, or her thirst for hearing it — in any case it was anunexpected pleasure.
Above the patter of the pea sorting and the sharp odor of cooking rutabaga, Sethe explained thecrystal that once hung from her ears.
"That lady I worked for in Kentucky gave them to me when Igot married. What they called married hack there and back then. I guess she saw how bad I feltwhen I found out there wasn't going to be no ceremony, no preacher. Nothing. I thought thereshould be something — something to say it was right and true. I didn't want it to be just memoving over a bit of pallet full of corn husks. Or just me bringing my night bucket into his cabin. I thought there should be some ceremony. Dancing maybe. A little sweet william in my hair." Sethesmiled. "I never saw a wedding, but I saw Mrs. Garner's wedding gown in the press, and heard hergo on about what it was like. Two pounds of currants in the cake, she said, and four whole sheep.
The people were still eating the next day. That's what I wanted. A meal maybe, where me andHalle and all the Sweet Home men sat down and ate something special. Invite some of the othercolored people from over by Covington or High Trees — those places Sixo used to sneak off to.
But it wasn't going to be nothing. They said it was all right for us to be husband and wife and thatwas it. All of it.

"你的鑽石呢？"寵兒打量着塞絲的臉。
"鑽石？我要鑽石幹什麼？"
"戴耳朵上。"
"但願我有。我有過一副水晶的。我服侍過的一個太太送的禮物。"
"給我講講，"寵兒高興得咧開嘴笑了，"給我講講你的鑽石。"
這成爲又一種餵養她的東西。正當丹芙發現了甜食對寵兒的可喜效果並大加利用時，塞絲認識到，寵兒從故事中能得到深深的滿足。塞絲感到震驚（正如寵兒感到滿足一樣），因爲一提起她的過去就會喚起痛苦。
過去的一切都是痛苦，或者遺忘。她和貝比·薩格斯心照不宣地認爲它苦不堪言；丹芙打聽的時候，塞絲總是簡短地答覆她，要麼就瞎編一通。就是同保羅·D——一個部分地分擔過的人，一個她至少能較爲平靜地與之交談的人——在一起時，傷痛也依然存在——好似馬嚼子拿走時留在嘴角的痛處。
但是，當她開始講述耳環的時候，她發現自己想講，愛講。也許是因爲寵兒同事件本身的距離，也許是因爲她急於聆聽的焦渴——無論如何，這是個始料未及的樂趣。
在剝豌豆的嘎巴聲和燉捲心菜撲鼻的香氣裏，塞絲講起曾經掛在她耳朵上的那副水晶耳環。
"我在肯塔基伺候的太太在我結婚時給我的。那個時候、那個地方所謂的結婚。我猜想她看出來了，我發現不會有結婚儀式和牧師時有多難受。什麼都沒有。我想總該有點什麼——說明它是對的，是真的。我不願意只是從一個裝滿玉米皮的草荐爬上另一個。也不願意只是把我的尿桶帶進他的小屋。我想應該有個儀式。可能跳跳舞。頭髮裏插一點石竹花。"塞絲笑了，"我從來沒見過一次婚禮，可我在衣櫥裏看見過加納太太的結婚禮服，也聽她講過婚禮是什麼樣的。蛋糕裏放了兩磅葡萄乾，她說，還做了四隻全羊。
直到第二天大家還在吃。那就是我想要的。也許吃頓飯，我和黑爾，還有所有-甜蜜之家-的男人們，坐下來吃點特別的東西。請卡溫頓莊園或者高樹莊園的另外一些黑人過來——那是些西克索偷偷去過的地方。
可是什麼也不會有。他們說我們可以做夫妻，就完事了。僅此而已。