毒舌解析英國人的聖誕委婉語大綱

一本正經、彬彬有禮的英國人從來也不會直抒胸臆，在聖誕節期間更是如此。雖然表面一團和氣，但如果你get不到他們的言下之意，你可能無意之中就變成了“二貨”。來看看《每日電訊報》對英國人聖誕委婉語的“毒舌”翻譯。

They say: “Darling, your Nativity Play was a triumph. I’m so proud.”
英國人說：“親愛的，你的聖誕表演真是太成功了。我真爲你驕傲。”

They mean: “I spent the entire shambolic production seething that you weren’t one of the leads and shall be having a stern word with your teacher. Also, I couldn’t tell which sheep you were.”
他們的意思是：“整個亂糟糟的演出期間我都在惱火爲什麼你沒能演個主角，我打算和你的老師好好談談。另外，我看不出你扮演的是哪隻羊。”

“Pop round anytime.”
“歡迎隨時過來。”

“Preferably text first so we can make up an excuse.”
“最好來之前能發個短信，這樣我們纔好編個理由（不讓你來）。”

“So what are your Christmas plans?”/“All ready for Christmas?”
“你聖誕有什麼安排？”/“聖誕節的一切都準備好了嗎？”

“I can’t think of anything else to say and this is December’s equivalent of weather smalltalk. Please keep the answer mercifully brief because I’m not actually interested.”
“我想不出還有什麼別的話可說，十二月份談這個就像聊天氣一樣。麻煩你長話短說，因爲我並不是真的感興趣。”

“What’s this we’re watching?”
“我們在看的這是什麼節目？”

“I hate it when you Philistines are in charge of the remote.”
“我討厭你們這些俗人掌握遙控器。”

“Town was a nightmare. The shops were rammed.”
“城裏就是場惡夢。商店裏都是人擠人。”

“I snuck off to the pub.”
“我溜去酒吧了。”

“Well done, children. The Christmas tree looks gorgeous.”
“做得好，孩子們。這棵聖誕樹看起來美極了。”

“It’s a total mess which offends my eyes. I’ll redecorate it when you go to bed.”
“這堆垃圾讓我無法直視。等你們睡覺後我會重新裝飾。”

“Secret Santa’s just a bit of fun.”
“神祕聖誕老人遊戲挺有趣的。”

“It’s no fun whatsoever. We only persist with this lame, universally loathed tradition for fear of being called a killjoy if we stop.”
“真是無聊至極。我們之所以還延續這個大家都厭惡的蹩腳傳統是害怕被人說我們掃興。”

“Merry Christmas to you and yours.”
“祝你和你的家人聖誕快樂。”

“I can’t remember your family’s names. Or indeed, whether you even have a family. Ah, well. Sue me.”
“我記不住你家人的名字。事實上，我連你有沒有成家也不清楚。隨便了。你不爽我也無所謂。”

“Of course! The more the merrier.”
“當然了！人越多越開心。”

“Please don’t come.”
“請不要來。”

“I’ve kept the receipt, just in case.”
“我留着收據，以防萬一。”

“If you don’t love this gift and wear it immediately, I’m going to be mortally offended.”
“如果你不喜歡這個禮物，沒有馬上穿上它，我將會非常生氣。”

“That’s so thoughtful. It’s exactly what I wanted.”
“你想的真是周到。這正是我想要的。”

“I hate it, I’m having trouble arranging my face into an approximation of gratitude and everyone can tell I’m lying.”
“我討厭這個禮物，我正在努力擠出感恩的表情，但每個人都看得出我在撒謊。”

“Shall we play a board game?”
“我們要不要下一盤棋？”

“Shall we have a blazing family argument?”
“我們要不要來一場激烈的家庭爭論？”

“Christmas is about the kids really, isn’t it?”
“聖誕節就是圍着孩子轉的，不是嗎？”

“Can’t stand the spoilt, entitled little brats. Pass the brandy.”
“受不了這些被寵壞的自以爲是的小屁孩。把白蘭地遞給我。”

“You look festive.”
“你看起來很有節日氣息。”

“You look drunk.”
“你看起來喝得很醉。”

“I couldn’t eat another thing.”
“我再也吃不下了。”

“Oh go on, then. I could just about squeeze in a turkey-and-a-stuffing sandwich, cheese and biscuits, two mince pies and several dozen Quality Street.”
“繼續上菜吧。我還能吃下一個火雞填料三明治、奶酪餅乾、兩個肉餡餅和幾條花街巧克力。”

“Lunch might be a little later than planned.”
“午飯可能比計劃的要晚一點。”

“The turkey won’t cook and I’m having a nervous breakdown.”
“我已經精神崩潰了，火雞也不能幫我做飯。”

“Where’s your Christmas spirit?”
“你的聖誕精神到哪去了？”

“I’m a tedious kidult who gets over-excited about Christmas (probably over-compensating for some long-buried childhood trauma) and insists on enforced jollity.”
“我是個對聖誕節過度興奮的乏味的超齡兒童（很可能是要補償我埋藏許久的一些童年創傷），我堅持聖誕節一定要興高采烈地度過。”

“Have a good one.”
“過個好節。”

“I don’t know who you are. Go away.”
“我不認識你是誰。走開。”

“I’m hoping for a White Christmas. It’s so magical.”
“我希望能擁有白色聖誕。太夢幻了。”

“Snow’s a colossal pain in the backside but I’m trying to sound romantic.”
“下雪天非常讓人討厭，但是我想顯得自己浪漫一點。”

“Of course we’re going to church. It’s important at this time of year.”
“我們當然要去教堂。這在一年中的這個時候是很重要的事。”

“I don’t want to go either but Mum will get upset if we don’t.”
“我也不想去，但是如果我們不去，媽媽會難過的。”

“That’s perfect, thank you. Looks delicious.”
“很完美，謝謝你。看起來好美味。”

“Too many sprouts, not enough pigs-in-blankets, but better be polite.”
“蔬菜太多肉太少，但是還是禮貌一些的好。”

“Look what they got me!”
“看看他們給我送了什麼！”

“You think of something nice to say, because I can’t.”
“你幫我想出一些好聽的話吧，因爲我想不出來。”

“I’ve got an upset tummy from all the rich food.”
“我肚子不舒服，因爲吃得太油膩了。”

“I’ve got an upset tummy from all the binge-drinking.”
“我肚子不舒服，因爲酒喝得太兇了。”

“Thought I might go out for a walk.”
“我想我也許應該出去走走。”

“If I have to stay cooped up in the house with my relatives for one minute longer, I’m going to commit a hate crime.”
“如果我和我的親戚們再多待一分鐘，我就要因爲仇恨而犯罪了。”