傾聽內心世界 這不是你想要的生活

It was Abraham Maslow who introduced the need to be “self actualized,” and what he identified is that people have an inherent need to realize their potential. It’s part of our very fabric — when the challenges we face seem to fit perfectly with our strengths, we feel fully engaged, absorbed in the task. It’s when we don’t question ourselves, and what we are doing has purpose and meaning larger than ourselves. And, it’s when we feel most alive, most fulfilled, and probably, most happy.

And yet, so many of us go about our daily lives, and never seem to be able to fully answer the question: Is this really the life I’m meant to live?

So, to help answer the question, here are six signs that the life you are living is not meant for you.

You Numb Your Feelings. Drinking too much, working excessively, shopping excessively, overeating, gambling, and yes, too much time on the internet, are all ways we can numb our feelings. And the reason we do is that we are trying to feel something other than what we are feeling in the moment. Because what we are feeling is discomfort, dissatisfaction, a feeling of unrest. And it’s a sign — a sign that something is not right. The need to distract from the discomfort, however, is a way to avoid facing it, and facing the reality that this is not how you want to be feeling, and this is not the life you want to be living.

The Fix: Stop numbing and start listening. Listen to what is really under the surface. Is it a longing for connection? Is it a need to feel that your work matters? Is it the desire to make a difference? Is it the desire to create something? To feel more challenged? Whatever the feeling is, listen to it until it’s crystal clear. Once you know exactly the way you want to feel, you can begin scripting the life that will get you there.

You Envy Others Success. While from the outside looking in, everybody seems to have it better than us. More money, a bigger house, better, more exotic, travel, and of course, the envy of everyone else. Yet if you find yourself envying others success — wishing it were you — it’s because what their success represents, is what you want. And what you don’t want is what you have. Instead, you would rather have what someone else has, because to you, it looks better. And feeling as though other people’s lives look better than yours is a sign — a sign that you are not satisfied with your life. You feel as though you could be, or should be, doing more. Somehow what you are doing is just not good enough.

The Fix: Stop Looking Out and Start Looking In. Instead of looking at everyone else’s life as the example of how to live, look at your life and ask yourself: Why is this not enough? What about my life is not good enough? What parts of my life are unacceptable to me? And when you ask these questions, make sure the answers come from you, and that you — and you alone — are determining what is good enough for you.

You Constantly Seek Validation. While we all appreciate praise, and certainly there is nothing wrong with receiving it, praise is not permission. Yet when you who seek validation frequently, praise becomes the barometer from which you determine what is right and wrong. If my friends like this post, action, relationship, etc, then it must be good, and therefore I will go forward with it. And again, this is a sign — a sign that you have doubt. And it’s your doubt that you want others’ validation to make up for. But your doubt, your feeling that maybe this is not good, right, smart, whatever, should be a signal to you that maybe this is not what you are meant to be doing. Because when you are doing what you are meant to — when you have a calling — you don’t doubt yourself, and you don’t need others to validate it.

The Fix: Ask yourself: When do I feel most confident? When do I feel like I know exactly what I’m doing? Ask these questions and clarify the answers until they are as specific as possible, and you can describe exactly what you are doing when you longer need others’ approval.

You Feel Empty. We can all feel alone, isolated, and empty from time to time, but if you find yourself with a chronic feeling of emptiness, again, it’s a sign that something is not right. Often what is missing is a feeling of purpose, because emptiness is what happens when the life you are living lacks meaning to you. It’s when you feel as though nothing you do really makes a difference. And on a deeper level, it’s when you feel as though you do not matter. Yet, when you are doing what you are meant to do, you feel compelled to do it, because you know it makes a difference.

The Fix: Ask yourself: When do I feel as though what I am doing matters? When do I feel like I am making a difference? Again, be as specific as possible. Try to narrow down the answer until it is a specific activity that you can clearly describe. Once you have an idea of when you feel as if you — and what you are doing — matter, you are already one step closer to feeling fulfilled.

You Are Easily Frustrated. Frustration is a like a flashing red light. It is a warning signal, and it often precedes an impulsive act — like bursting out in anger. Yet frustration is there for a reason, and still many of us don’t heed it’s warnings. Because the chronic dissatisfaction — the feeling that things are not the way they are supposed to be — is a sign that maybe this isn’t the life for you. Perhaps someone else could be in your shoes and not be frustrated, but this is you, and your frustration should tell you that this isn’t right for you.

The Fix. Ask Yourself: What bothers me the most about my life? What is the one thing that I most want to change about my life? When you answer these questions, what you will uncover is that some part of your life doesn’t fit with your values. And you will have also identified one or more of your values — which means you can begin to create the life that exemplifies them.

Your Life Lacks Direction. Sure, many of us have been approached by someone with a great business idea, an exciting proposition, or a great moneymaker. And certainly, these things can look attractive. But jumping off your your own ship onto someone else’s is a sure sign what you are looking for is not in your possession. Because if you don’t believe in what you are doing — and you don’t feel as if it is uniquely suited to you — you will be very ready to trade it in for something else. The problem, however, is that you will always be trading in. Because what you are looking for does not exist outside of you. Instead, the life that you are meant to be living is dependent on internal qualities — your unique strengths — and once you find it, you wont want to give it up. But finding yourself easily talked into changing course is a sign that you have not found your own.

The Fix: Ask Yourself: What am I doing when I don’t want to stop? What is it that I have to pull myself away from? What am I doing when I feel most involved — almost absorbed in the activity? What the answers will reveal is what brings you the greatest feeling of engagement. And the feeling of engagement is a sign that what you are doing is what you are meant to do.

There is a life out there that is meant for you. We all have the need to realize our potential. And we all have the right to. And hopefully, if you feel as though you are not living the life you are meant to, you will go after the one you are meant to be living.馬斯洛引入了 人類對“自知”的需要，並且他把之定義爲人們內在的本能促使他們發揮自己的潛能。這是我們身體結構的一部分 –當我們所面臨的挑戰與我們的優勢似乎完美貼合時，我們感到充分參與到任務當中。這時我們不懷疑自己，我們正在做的事情的目的和意義大於自己本身。而且，這是我們感到最有活力，最滿足，而且很可能是最幸福的時刻。

然而，我們每天都在過火，但似乎從來沒有能夠確切回答這個問題：這真的是我們想過的生活？

因此，爲了幫助回答這個問題，這裏有六個跡象表明你過的生活不是你想要過的。

你麻木了，沒有任何感覺。飲酒過多，工作過度，在互聯網上購物過度，暴飲暴食，賭博，大把的時間泡在網上，都是麻痹自我的方式。而我們這樣做的原因是，我們想體驗不同於當下的感受。因爲在當下我們感到不適，不滿，不安。這是一個信號 –某個地方出了差錯。從當下不舒適的狀態下抽離是一種避免面對它的辦法，面對現實——這不是你想要的感覺，這不是你想過的生活。

解決方法：停止麻木，開始傾聽。傾聽隱藏在表面之下的聲音。它是渴望情感維繫？還是感覺你的工作重要的需求？它是有所作爲的願望？它是創造東西的慾望？更想挑戰？不管是什麼感覺，傾聽，直到它逐漸清晰。一旦你確切地知道你的感受，就可以開始編寫你想愛你更要過的人生劇本。

你羨慕別人的成功。環顧四周，大家似乎過得都比我好。更多的錢，更大的房子，更好更奇特的旅行，因此羨慕其他人。然而，如果你發現自己羨慕別人的成功 - 希望這是你的生活 - 那是因爲他們的成功代是你想要的。而你不想要的是自己已經擁有的。相反，你寧願別人擁有的，因爲對於你來說，它看起來更好。而且感覺好像其他人的生活看起來比你的好是一個信號- 你不滿意你現有生活的信號。你覺得你可以或者是應該的做得更好。不知怎的，你再做什麼還是不夠。

解決方法：停止尋找，並開始展望。不要參照別人的生活尋找自己如何生活得方法，想想你的生活，問自己：爲什麼這還不夠？那我的生活是不是不夠好？哪些部分是我不能接受的？而當你問這些問題，確保答案來自你，只能是你自己 – 再確定什麼對你比較好。

你不斷地尋求肯定。雖然我們都很欣賞讚美，接受它肯定沒有錯，讚美是不用許可的。然而，當你過於頻繁地尋求驗證，讚譽成爲你從中確定對與錯的標準。如果我的朋友喜歡這個崗位，行動，關聯等，那麼它一定是好的，因此我就勇往直前吧。再次，這是一個信號 - 你有自我懷疑的跡象，因此你想通過別人的肯定來彌補。但你的疑問，你的感覺，也許是不好的，無論是明智的還是正確的，這應該是一個信號，表明你也許沒有在過想要的生活。因爲當你過上你想要的生活時 - 你不會懷疑自己，你也不需要別人的肯定。

解決方法：問自己：什麼時候我覺得最有信心？什麼時候我覺得我確切地知道我在做什麼？問這些問題，並明確答案，直到他們儘可能具體，你可以確切地描述你在做什麼，當你不再需要別人的認可。

你覺得空虛。我們時不時的趕到自己寂寞，孤獨，空虛，這無可厚非，，但如果你發現自己空虛是一種慢性感覺，那麼，這又是一個信號。往往缺少一個生活目標，因爲空虛是當你覺得生活缺乏意義。當你覺得好像做什麼都沒差。而在更深的層次上，當你覺得無所謂了。然而，當你做你想要做的事情，你覺得有必要做的事情時，你知道它有差。

解決方法：問自己：什麼時候覺得做得事情有意義？什麼時候覺得自己在做着改變？再次，要儘可能具體。儘量縮小答案直到你可以清楚地描述一個特定的活動。一旦你覺得你在做的事有意義，你離成功又進了一步。

你很容易沮喪。挫折就像一個閃爍的紅燈。這是一個警告信號，它往往預示着一種衝動行爲 - 就像發泄憤怒。然而你的沮喪是有原因的，而且仍然有很多人都不理會它的警告。由於長期不滿 – 覺得事情沒有找預期發展 – 這是一個信號，也許這並不是你想過的生活。也許別人在你的情況下並沒有感到沮喪，但這是你的生活，你的沮喪告訴你，這種生活不適合你。

解決方法，問自己：生活中什麼最困擾我？什麼是我最想改變的一件事？當你回答這些問題，你會發現是你生活中的某些元素不符合你的價值觀。你也確定了你價值觀中的一個或多個 - 這意味着你可以開始創造充分體現這些價值觀的的生活了。

你的生活沒啥方向。當然了，我們中的很多人遇到過一個有宏大的企業經營理念，一個激動人心的命題，或者一個巨大的商機的人。當然，這些東西可能看起來非常有吸引力。但是捨棄你自己的生活之船轉而跳上別人的是一個明確的信號，你正在尋找的生活不是當下你正在過得。因爲如果你不相信你正在做的事，並且你不覺得它是唯一適合你的 – 那麼你就會很願意拿它換取別的東西。但問題是，你將永遠處於這樣的交換之中，因爲你尋求的不存在於外部。相反，您想要的生活的依賴於內部品質 - 您的獨特優勢 - 一旦你找到它，你不會想要放棄。但發現自己很容易陷入不斷變化的情況是你還沒有過上想要生活的信號。

解決方法：問自己：我在做什麼時，我不想停下來？它是什麼讓我必須從自己的生活中抽離？當我感覺到參與度最高，幾乎忘我投入時我在做什麼？答案會告訴你什麼會給你帶來最大的參與度。參與其中表明你正在做的就是你想要做的。

總有一種生活適合你。我們都需要實現我們的潛能。大家都有權利這樣做。衷心地希望，當你覺得當下的生活不值得過時，你會去追尋你想要的生活。