現代美女到底要高攀還是下嫁大綱

Many successful professional women bemoan the difficulty of finding a husband matching their wealth, social status and education. A recent Wall Street Journal column offers them something to think about.

許多事業有成的女子都哀嘆，想要找到一個和自己經濟水平、社會地位、受教育程度都相當的意中人實在太難。《華爾街日報》最近的一篇專欄文章則提供了一些建議，可供參考。

The article discusses the upsides of “marrying down”, saying today’s ambitious women need partners who are collaborators rather than traditional breadwinners.

這篇文章認爲“下嫁”也許是個不錯的選擇，因爲在今天，雄心勃勃的女性更需要一個善於“合作”的伴侶，而非傳統意義上“養家餬口”的丈夫。

Marrying down refers to a woman who marries a man who makes less money or is less educated. The notion of marrying down seems impossibly antiquated, says Sonya Rhodes, a couples therapist and writer of The Wall Street Journal column. It is right out of the Downton Abbey era, says Rhodes, where suitable marriages were entirely a matter of matching people according to social class and fortune.

此處的“下嫁”是指女性與收入或受教育程度不如自己的男性結婚。而在婚姻治療師、《華爾街日報》撰稿人桑亞•羅茲的眼中，這個概念早已過時。早在英國鄉紳貴族鼎盛的“唐頓”時代，一樁婚姻合不合適，才完全依對方的社會地位與身家財產而定。

The notion that women should marry up endured well into the 20th century when relatively few high-paying jobs were available to women and the most successful breadwinners were considered the most desirable mates. But the education and job market has been changing since then. More women are graduating from college and graduate school than men.

而“高攀”的觀念之所以在二十世紀一直深入人心，是因爲當時的女性很難獲得高薪工作，因此最會賺錢養家的男性會被視爲最令人滿意的伴侶。但是，現在教育和工作機會與昔日相比早已大不相同，每年從高中和大學畢業的女孩甚至比男孩還要多。

In the US, Pew Research Center reported earlier this year that for the first time, “the share of couples in which the wife is the one ‘marrying down’ educationally is higher than those in which the husband has more education.” In 2012, the report notes, 27 percent of newlywed women married a spouse with less education, while only 15 percent of newlywed men did the same.

皮尤研究中心今年早些時候的報告則顯示，在美國，妻子受教育程度更高的婚姻比例已經首次超過了丈夫受教育更高的婚姻比例。報告顯示，2012年，有27%的美國新婚夫婦，其妻子受教育程度超過了丈夫，而只有15%的夫婦，其丈夫的受教育程度更高。

China is experiencing a similar situation. Statistics released by the Ministry of Education in 2013 showed that in the past three years, more women have been graduating with a master’s degree than men and the gap has been widening.

中國的情況也與之相似：教育部2013年公佈的數據顯示，在過去的三年間，碩士畢業的女性數量一直高於男性，而二者間的人數差距還在逐年增大。

Suitable match

合適纔是王道

Although more education doesn’t necessarily lead to higher pay, in most US cities, single women under 30 now make more money than their male peers, according to analysis by research firm Reach Advisors. Most strikingly, Pew has found that in 24 percent of marriages, women earn more than their husbands, up from 6.2 percent in 1960.

儘管高學歷並不一定帶來高收入，但是，美國研究機構觸角顧問分析發現，在美國的大多數城市裏，30歲以下單身女性的收入都高於同齡男性。在皮尤中心的報告中，更令人驚訝的是，有24%的夫婦，其妻子的收入都高於丈夫，而1960年這一比例只有6.2%。

But in real life, says Rhodes, when a successful woman “marries down”, rather than receiving blessings she will be told that she should have found someone more her equal.

但是，羅茲也說道，在現實生活裏，如果一個成功的女性選擇“下嫁”，那麼她將很難得到祝福，相反，更多的人會告訴她：你應該找一個更好的人，才配得上你。

But “marrying down” has its benefits. Rhodes says that for most strong, successful women, the alpha male isn’t the best match. Rhodes says two dominant personalities often engage in power struggles. Confident, dominant women need collaborative partners who aren’t threatened by their strength and will support their goals and achievements, says Rhodes. These men can follow as well as lead. They work but aren’t workaholics. They are willing to share more responsibilities of family life.

不過，“下嫁”也有下嫁的好處。羅茲說：對於一個強勢、成功的女性而言，選擇一個同樣優秀的另一半並不是最合適的。因爲，如果兩個人控制慾都很強，就會很容易陷入權力的鬥爭中。相反，自信且控制慾強的女性需要一個“合作型”的伴侶，他們不會因爲女方的強勢而感到威脅，反而會支持妻子實現她們的人生目標。這樣的男性，能屈能伸：他們有自己的工作，卻不是工作狂；他們願意分擔更多的家庭責任。

But perhaps the most important lesson when it comes to romance is that we shouldn’t be concerned about marrying up or down, we should just marry the right person.

但說到底還是：“高攀”誠可貴，“低就”價亦高，若爲愛情故，二者皆可拋。