經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第24章4
Number Two’s eyes narrowed and became what are known in the Shouting and Killing People trade as cold slits, the idea presumably being to give your opponent the impression that you have lost your glasses or are having difficulty keeping awake. Why this is frightening is an, as yet, unresolved problem.
He advanced on the Captain, his (Number Two’s) mouth a thin hard line. Again, tricky to know why this is understood as fighting behaviour. If, whilst wandering through the jungle of Traal, you were suddenly to come upon the fabled Ravenous Bugblatter Beast, you would have reason to be grateful if its mouth was a thin hard line rather than, as it usually is, a gaping mass of slavering fangs.
“May I remind you sir,” hissed Number Two at the Captain, “that you have now been in that bath for over three years?!” This final shot delivered, Number Two spun on his heel and stalked off to a corner to practice darting eye movements in the mirror.
The Captain squirmed in his bath. He gave Ford Prefect a lame smile.
“Well you need to relax a lot in a job like mine,” he said.
Ford slowly lowered his hands. It provoked no reaction. Arthur lowered his.
Treading very slowly and carefully, Ford moved over to the bath pedestal. He patted it.
“Nice,” he lied.
He wondered if it was safe to grin. Very slowly and carefully, he grinned. It was safe.
“Er…” he said to the Captain.
“Yes?” said the Captain.
“I wonder,” said Ford, “could I ask you actually what your job is in fact?”
A hand tapped him on the shoulder. He span round.
It was the first officer.
“Your drinks,” he said.
“Ah, thank you,” said Ford. He and Arthur took their jynnan tonnyx. Arthur sipped his, and was surprised to discover it tasted very like a whisky and soda.
“I mean, I couldn’t help noticing,” said Ford, also taking a sip, “the bodies. In the hold.”
“Bodies?” said the Captain in surprise.
Ford paused and thought to himself. Never take anything for granted, he thought. Could it be that the Captain doesn’t know he’s got fifteen million dead bodies on his ship?
The Captain was nodding cheerfully at him. He also appeared to be playing with a rubber duck.
Ford looked around. Number Two was staring at him in the mirror, but only for an instant: his eyes were constantly on the move. The first officer was just standing there holding the drinks tray and smiling benignly.
“Bodies?” said the Captain again.
Ford licked his lips.
二號的眼睛開始收縮，變成了殺人行當裏所說的那種“冷縫”。其意圖大概是爲了給你的對手形成一種印象：你弄丟了你的跟鏡，或者已經醉得睜不開限了。可是，這樣做爲什麼會讓對方感到恐懼？直到現在，這仍是一個有待解決的問題。
他走向艦長，他的（二號的）嘴緊緊地抿成一條細線。爲什麼這會被理解爲一種令人恐懼的表情，這個問題同樣有待解決。試想，如果你穿越特托爾的叢林時突然迎面撞上了傳說中的貪婪怪獸，而它的嘴緊緊抿成一條細線，而不是像通常那樣，露出滿嘴撩牙，那麼，你肯定有理由慶幸。
“我能提醒你嗎，長官，”二號嘶嘶地對艦長說，“你已經在這個澡盆裏待了超過三年了？！”放完這最後一炮，二號轉過身，大步走到一個角落裏，開始對着鏡子練習投射眼神的動作。
艦長在他的浴缸裏動了動，對福特長官報以一絲苦笑。
“哦，幹我這樣的工作，你需要放鬆。”他說。
福特慢慢地把高舉過頭的雙手放下來這個舉動沒有激起什麼反應。阿瑟也放了下來。
非常緩慢、小心翼翼地，福特挪動步子來到浴缸底座前。他拍了拍它。
“這個浴缸真不錯。”他在撒謊。
他不知道咧嘴笑是否安生。非常緩慢、小心翼翼地，他咧開嘴笑了笑。這是安全的。
“嗯，”他對艦長說。
“什麼？”艦長說。
“我想知道，”福特說，“我能問一問你的工作，呃，準確地說，實際上，是什麼嗎？”
一隻手拍了拍他的肩膀，他回過身。
是大副。
“你的飲料。”他說。
“嗅，謝謝。”福特說。他和阿瑟接過基南湯力克斯。阿瑟啜了一小口自己那份，驚訝地發現它嚐起來很像威士忌加蘇打。
“我的意思是，我沒法不窪意到，”福特說，一邊也啜了一小口，“那些屍體。貨艙裏那些。”
“屍體？”艦長驚訝地說。
福特停頓了片刻，自己想了想。任何事情都不能想當然，他想。難道艦長有可能不知道他的飛船上裝了一千五百萬具死屍？
艦長正興高采烈地衝着他點頭，同時還在玩一隻橡皮鴨子。
福特看了看周圍。二號正從鏡子裏盯着他，但是隻有短短的一瞬：他的眼腈在不停地移動。而大副就那麼站着，端着飲料托盤，親切地笑着。
“屍體？”艦長又說了一遍。
福特舔了舔嘴脣。
