經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第24章2
“Ah, hello, Number Two,” said the Captain, waving a cheery sponge, “having a nice day?”
Number Two snapped even further to attention than he already was.
“I have brought you the prisoners I located in freezer bay seven, sir!” he yapped.
Ford and Arthur coughed in confusion.
“Er… hello,” they said.
The Captain beamed at them. So Number Two had really found some prisoners. Well, good for him, thought the Captain, nice to see a chap doing what he’s best at.
“Oh, hello there,” he said to them, “Excuse me not getting up, having a quick bath. Well, jynnan tonnyx all round then. Look in the fridge Number one.”
“Certainly sir.”
It is a curious fact, and one to which no one knows quite how much importance to attach, that something like 85% of all known worlds in the Galaxy, be they primitive or highly advanced, have invented a drink called jynnan tonnyx, or gee-N’N-T’N-ix, or jinond-o-nicks, or any one of a thousand or more variations on the same phonetic theme. The drinks themselves are not the same, and vary between the Sivolvian “chinanto/mnigs” which is ordinary water server at slightly above room temperature, and the Gagrakackan “tzjin-anthony-ks” which kills cows at a hundred paces; and in fact the one common factor between all of them, beyond the fact that the names sound the same, is that they were all invented and named before the worlds concerned made contact with any other worlds.
What can be made of this fact? It exists in total isolation. As far as any theory of structural linguistics is concerned it is right off the graph, and yet it persists. Old structural linguists get very angry when young structural linguists go on about it. Young structural linguists get deeply excited about it and stay up late at night convinced that they are very close to something of profound importance, and end up becoming old structural linguists before their time, getting very angry with the young ones. Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy discipline, and a large number of its practitioners spend too many nights drowning their problems in Ouisghian Zodahs.
Number Two stood before the Captain’s bathtub trembling with frustration.
“Don’t you want to interrogate the prisoners sir?” he squealed.
The Captain peered at him in bemusement.
“Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?” he asked.
“To get information out of them, sir! To find out why they came here!”
“Oh no, no, no,” said the Captain, “I expect they just dropped in for a quick jynnan tonnyx, don’t you?”
“But sir, they’re my prisoners! I must interrogate them!”
The Captain looked at them doubtfully.
“哦，你好，二號，”艦長招呼道，歡快地舞動着一塊海綿，“今天過得好嗎，”
本來已經立正的二號居然“叭”的一聲，進一步立正。
“我已經把我在七號冷凍艙發現的兩個犯人押送過來了，長官！”他呱呱地說。
福特和阿瑟慌亂地咳嗽了幾聲，
“嗯……你好。”他們說。
艦長瞧着他們，這麼說二號還真發現了兩個犯人。好吧，算他行，艦長想，看到一個下屬在幹他最擅長的工作畢竟是件好事。
“嗅，你們好。”他對他們說，”請原諒我不站起來了。只是簡單地搓把澡。現在，先給在座的諸位來點兒基南湯力克斯。一號，冰箱裏找找。”
“是，長官。”
有一個沒有人知道意義多麼重大的奇妙事實，即銀河系巳知世界中的百分之八十五，無論處於原始還是高度發達階段，都發明瞭一種飲料，叫做基南湯力克斯，或者基恩提克斯，或者基諾德尼克斯，或者這一相同的語音主題的上千個甚至更多的變化中的一種：飲料本身並不相同，可以從希沃維安的“基南託尼格斯”，一種端上來時溫度只比室溫略高的普通水，一直變化到伽古拉卡卡的“基恩安東尼克斯”，一種可以把母牛炸成上百塊碎片的玩意兒。事實上，所有這些飲料之間惟一的共同點是（除開它們的名字聽起來很接近以外），它們都是在自己的世界與其他任何世界發生聯繫之前被髮明和命名的。
這一事實說明了什麼？完全孤立的各個世界居然出現了讀音相近的飲料。這不符合結構語言學中的任何理論，但它居然出現了。老一輩結構語言學家對於年輕的結構語言學家介入這一課題感到非常憤怒。年輕的結構語言學家則對這個問題感到非常興奮，他們通宵達旦地研究，確信自己已經非常接近一些極端重要的東西了，直到最後他們也變成了老一輩的結構語言學家，對年輕人感到非常憤怒。結構浯言學是一門苦苦掙扎在分裂和不幸中的學科，它的大批從業者最後只能以“伊安託力格斯”排遣自己的愁悶。
二號站在艦長的浴缸前，因爲遭受了挫敗而顫抖着。
“難道你不打算審問這些犯人嗎，長官，”他大叫着抗議道。
艦長困惑地盯着他。
“看在高爾伽弗林查姆的份兒上，我爲什麼該這麼做呢，”他問。
“從他們嘴裏獲取情報啊，長官！搞清楚他們爲什麼來這兒！”
“噢，不，不，不，”艦長說，“我想他們拜訪這裏的原因一定是爲了來上一杯基南湯力克斯，是嗎，先生們？”
“可是，長官，他們是我的犯人！我必須審問他們！”
艦長不太確定地望着他們。
