諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第1章Part 5
Except for a heap more hair and some waiting in his eyes, he looked the way he had in Kentucky. Peachstone skin; straight- backed. For a man with an immobile face it was amazing how ready it was to smile, or blaze or be sorrywith you. As though all you had to do was get his attention and right away he produced the feelingyouwere feeling. With less than a blink, his face seemed to change — underneath it lay the activity.
"I wouldn't have to ask about him, would I? You'd tell me if there was anything to tell, wouldn'tyou?" Sethe looked down at her feet and saw again the sycamores.
"I'd tell you. Sure I'd tell you. I don't know any more now than I did then." Except for the churn, hethought, and you don't need to know that. "You must think he's still alive.""No. I think he's dead. It's not being sure that keeps him alive.""What did Baby Suggs think?""Same, but to listen to her, all her children is dead. Claimed she felt each one go the very day andhour.""When she say Halle went?""Eighteen fifty-five. The day my baby was born.""You had that baby, did you? Never thought you'd make it."He chuckled. "Running off pregnant.""Had to. Couldn't be no waiting." She lowered her head andthought, as he did, how unlikely it was that she had made it. And if it hadn't been for that girllooking for velvet, she never would have. "All by yourself too." He was proud of her and annoyedby her.
Proud she had done it; annoyed that she had not needed Halle or him in the doing.
"Almost by myself. Not all by myself. A whitegirl helped me.""Then she helped herself too, God bless her.""You could stay the night, Paul D.""You don't sound too steady in the offer."Sethe glanced beyond his shoulder toward the closed door. "Oh it's truly meant. I just hope you'llpardon my house. Come on in. Talk to Denver while I cook you something."Paul D tied his shoes together, hung them over his shoulder and followed her through the doorstraight into a pool of red and undulating light that locked him where he stood.
"You got company?" he whispered, frowning.
"Off and on," said Sethe.
除了多出一大堆頭髮和眼睛裏的期待，他看上去還是在肯塔基的那副模樣。核桃色的皮膚；腰板筆直。一個面部僵硬的男人，這麼願意微笑、激動，這麼願意和你一道悲傷，真是令人驚奇。好像你只消引起他的注意，他就立即產生和你一樣的情感。一眨眼的工夫，他的臉似乎就變了——裏面蘊藏着活力。
"我不是非打聽他不可，對吧？假如有的說，你會告訴我的，是不是？"塞絲盯着自己的腳，又看見了梧桐樹。
"我會告訴你。我當然會告訴你。我現在知道的不比當時多一丁點兒。"攪乳機的事除外，他想，而你又並不需要知道那個。"你必須認爲他還活着。" "不，我想他死了。一廂情願又不能讓他活命。" "貝比·薩格斯怎麼想的？" "一樣。可要是聽她的話，她所有的孩子還都死了呢。口口聲聲說什麼她感覺到每一個都在某一天某一時辰走了。" "她說黑爾什麼時候走的？" "1855年。我孩子出生的那天。" "你生下了那個孩子，是吧？從來沒想過你能成功。"他格格地笑了，"懷着孩子逃跑。" "沒辦法。等不下去了。"她低下頭，像他一樣想，她的成功是多麼不可思議呀。還有，如果沒有那個找天鵝絨的姑娘，她絕對做不到。"而且全靠你自己。"他爲她感到驕傲，也有些不快。
驕傲的是她挺下來了；不快的是她始終沒有需要黑爾，也沒有需要他。
"差不多全靠我自己。並不全靠我自己。一個白人姑娘幫了我的忙。" "那麼她也幫了她自己，上帝保佑她。" "你可以在這兒過夜，保羅·D。" "你發邀請的聲音聽起來可不夠堅決啊。" 塞絲越過他的肩膀瞥了一眼關着的門。"噢，我可是誠心誠意的。只是希望你別介意我的房子。進來吧。跟丹芙說說話，我去給你做點吃的。" 保羅·D把兩隻鞋子拴在一起搭到肩膀上，跟着她進了門。他徑直走進一片顫動的紅光，立時被那紅光當場罩住。
"你有伴兒？"他皺着眉頭，悄聲問。
"時有時無吧。"塞絲說。
