《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 98 (232):一夜沒睡

We didn't sleep at all, of course. And then, it was ridiculous—I had to go. I had to go back to my house stupidly early the next morning because I had a date to meet my friend Yudhi. He and I had long ago planned that this was the very week we were going to leave on a big cross-Balinese road trip together. This was an idea we'd come up with one evening at my house when Yudhi said that, aside from his wife and Manhattan, what he most missed about America was driving—just taking off with a car and some friends and going on an adventure across those great distances, on all those fabulous interstate highways. I told him, "OK, so we'll go on a road trip here in Bali together, American-style."

This had struck us both as irresistibly comic—there's no way you can do an Americ-an-style road trip in Bali. There are no great distances, first of all, on an island the size of Delaware. And the "highways" are horrible, made surreally dangerous by the dense, mad pre-valence of Bali's version of the American family minivan—a small motorcycle with five people crowded on it, the father driving with one hand while holding the newborn infant with the other (football-like) while Mom sits sidesaddle behind him in her tight sarong with a basket balanced on her head, encouraging her twin toddlers not to fall off the speeding motorbike, which is probably traveling on the wrong side of the road and has no headlight. Helmets are rarely worn but are frequently—and I never did find out why—carried. Imagine scores of these heav-ily laden motorcycles, all speeding recklessly, all weaving and dodging across each other like some kind of crazy motorized maypole dance, and you have life on the Balinese highways. I don't know why every single Balinese person hasn't been killed already in a road accident.

But Yudhi and I decided to do it anyway, to take off for a week, rent a car and drive all over this tiny island, pretending that we are in America and that both of us are free. The idea charmed me when we came up with it last month, but the timing of it now—as I am lying in bed with Felipe and he's kissing my fingertips and forearms and shoulders, encouraging me to linger—seems unfortunate. But I have to go. And in a way, I do want to go. Not only to spend a week with my friend Yudhi, but also as a repose after my big night with Felipe, to get my head around the new reality that, as they say in the novels: I have taken a lover.

So Felipe drops me off at my house with one last passionate embrace and I have just enough time to shower and pull myself together when Yudhi arrives with our rental car. He takes one look at me and says, "Dude—what time'd you get home last night?"

I say, "Dude—I didn't get home last night."

He says, "Duuuuuuude," and starts laughing, probably remembering the conversation we'd had only about two weeks earlier wherein I'd seriously posited that I might never, actually, have sex again for the rest of my life, ever. He says, "So you gave in, huh?"

"Yudhi," I replied, "let me tell you a story. Last summer, right before I left the States, I went to visit my grandparents in upstate New York. My grandfather's wife—his second wife—is this really nice lady named Gale, in her eighties now. She hauled out this old photo album and showed me pictures from the 1930s, when she was eighteen years old and went on a trip to Europe for a year with her two best friends and a guardian. She's flipping through these pages, showing me these amazing old photographs of Italy, and suddenly we get to this pic-ture of this really cute young Italian guy, in Venice. I go, ‘Gale—who's the hottie?' She goes, ‘That's the son of the people who owned the hotel where we stayed in Venice. He was my boyfriend.' I go, ‘Your boyfriend?' And my grandfather's sweet wife looks at me all sly and her eyes get all sexy like Bette Davis, and she goes, ‘I was tired of looking at churches, Liz.' "

Yudhi gives me a high five. "Rock on, dude."

我們當然一夜沒睡。而後，荒唐的是——我得離開。隔天一大早我必須愚蠢地回自己的屋子去，因爲我和朋友尤弟有約。他和我老早計劃這個禮拜一起展開我們的環巴厘島公路之旅。這是某天我們在我屋裏想出的主意：當時尤弟說，除了他的老婆和曼哈頓之外，美國最讓他懷念的是開車——和幾個朋友鑽進車子裏動身展開遠距離的冒險，行駛於美妙的跨州公路上。我告訴他："好吧，我們一塊兒在巴厘島走一趟美式公路之旅吧。"

我們兩個都認爲這個主意滑稽得誘人——在巴厘島根本不可能進行美式公路之旅。首先，在面積相當於德拉瓦州的島上，根本沒有所謂的"遠距離"。而無所不在、瘋狂駕駛、相當於美國小型車的小摩托車——擠着一家五口，父親單手駕駛，另一手抱着新生兒（彷彿抱着橄欖球），而身穿緊身紗龍裙的母親在他身後側坐，頭上頂着一口籃子，一邊注意着一對纔剛會走路的小孩，警告他們別從快速行駛、可能逆向行車且無前燈的機車上摔下來——使這可怕的公路，更爲危險萬分。很少人戴安全帽，卻常常——我未曾查明原因——"攜帶"安全帽。試想這些累累重擔的摩托車飛速地橫衝直撞，而巴厘島公路上處處是人。我不曉得每個巴厘島人怎未死於交通事故。

然而尤弟和我依然決定離開一個禮拜，租車周遊這座小島，假裝我們人在美國，而且是自由之身。上個月我們想到這個主意時，我大受吸引，然而此時——當我和斐利貝躺在牀上，他吻着我的手指、前臂和肩膀，慫恿我待久一點——卻是很不巧的時刻。可是我必須走。就某種程度而言，我也確實想走。不僅和我的朋友尤弟共度一個禮拜，也是讓自己在與斐利貝度過重要的一晚後稍事休息，以面對新現實，如同小說裏所說的——我有了情人。

於是斐利貝送我回家，給我最後的熱情擁抱，我的時間剛好足夠淋個浴振作精神，而後尤弟駕着租來的車抵達。他看了我一眼，說："好傢伙——昨晚何時回家？"

我說："好傢伙——我昨晚並沒有回家。"

他說："好——傢伙。"並笑了起來，可能想起我們兩週前才進行的對話，當時的我鄭重斷言自己這輩子可能永遠不再做愛。他說："所以你投降了？"

"尤弟，"我回答，"讓我講個故事。去年夏天在我離開美國之前，我去紐約州北部邊遠地區看祖父母。我祖父的太太——他的第二任太太——是位很好的女士，名叫蓋兒，現年八十多歲。她拿出一本老相簿，給我看19世紀30年代的相片，當時她十八歲，跟她的兩名好友和一位監護人去歐洲旅行一年。她翻閱相片簿，讓我看那些叫人驚歎的意大利老相片；我們突然翻到一張相片，是個俊俏的意大利傢伙，在威尼斯。我說："蓋兒——這帥哥是誰？"她說："那是旅館主人的兒子，我們在威尼斯所待的旅館。他是我的男朋友。"我說："你的男朋友？"我祖父的嬌妻詭祕地看着我，散放出貝蒂?戴維斯（BetteDavis）的性感眼神，說："我當時看膩了教堂，小莉。"

"尤弟跟我擊掌說："繼續努力吧，老兄。"