年近三十遭遇社交危機 我還有機會認識新朋友嗎？
A recent article suggests the period for making BFFS the way you did in your teens and 20s is over – so have I accumulated the right kinds of friends?
最近的一篇文章提到，結交最好朋友的階段是在青少年時期和20多歲這段期間，過了這段時間，結交朋友的方式會發生變化，也很難交到好朋友了。——那我現在有沒有積累夠合適的朋友呢？
Once, after spending four straight days alone in my flat, communicating only with an editor (via email) and myself (via the bathroom mirror), I asked myself (in the back of a spoon): "Do you really need friends? You seem to be doing just fine all by yourself." It was my cue to drop the spoon, get dressed and make plans to see a friend as soon as possible.
曾經有一次，我一個人在公寓裏呆了整整四天，只和編輯交流（通過電子郵件），再就是自我交流（對着鏡子），我問我自己（對着勺子的背面）：“你真的需要朋友嗎？你看起來自己一個人就挺不錯的了。” 這提醒我扔掉勺子，穿上衣服，儘快安排和朋友見面。
Earlier this week, I read Alex Williams's New York Times piece in which he explores the difficulties of making friends after the age of 30. Actual close friends are in shorter supply, argues Williams. "No matter how many friends you make, a sense of fatalism can creep in: the period for making BFFs, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It's time to resign yourself to situational friends: KOF's (kind of friends) ..."
本週早些時候，我讀了作家阿萊克斯-威廉斯在《紐約時報》發表的一篇文章，在文章裏他探討了30歲以後交朋友的難處。威廉斯認爲，很多人實際上都缺少親密的朋友。“無論你有多少朋友，一種宿命感會潛入到你心底：遇到最好朋友的時機過了，在青少年時或20歲左右交朋友的方式也已經結束了。現在是時候重新調整自己，結交情境式朋友：我們稱其爲 KOF（準朋友）。”
The article made me think. I will be 30 this November, and while I have a stable of friends accrued over a lifetime, I began to worry about the looming deadline, this most depressing of cut-off dates. Are my true friend-making days numbered? Have I collected all the real friends I am likely ever to have? Most important, have I accumulated the right kinds of friends? Who among my friends is the Rachel to my Monica?
這篇文章引發了我的思緒。今年的11月份，我就30了，按照文章中的理論，我一輩子的所有朋友也就是我現在的這些朋友了，我開始擔心這不斷逼近的生日，它太讓人沮喪了。我結交朋友的天數屈指可數了嗎？我已經擁有了可能有的所有真正的朋友了嗎？ 更重要的是，我的這些朋友交的恰當嗎？ 我的朋友中，誰和我的關係是像瑞秋和莫妮卡那樣？
My oldest and best friend is my sister, born three years before me. The key factor in our becoming friends was clearly proximity, but our friendship is one that endures outside our sisterly bond, and in spite of our many differences. My school years were easy; I was a confident child, and managed to form a series of intense friendships that hallmark youth. At boarding school, I got so close to another girl that we shared the same bed for several months – a fact that was more or less forgotten by the time we returned in the new term and both moved on to greener friendship pastures.
我的姐姐和我做朋友時間最長，也是我最好的朋友，她比我大三歲。我們成爲朋友的關鍵因素顯而易見，但我們的友誼超過了我們的姐妹情感，儘管我們之間存在着很多的差異。我上學的時候很輕鬆；我是一個自信的孩子，收穫了標誌着青年時期的一系列親密友誼。在寄宿學校裏，我和另一個女孩走得很近，我們幾個月都用一張牀——這件事新學期我們就或多或少給忘了，我們又各自開拓新的朋友領地去了。
I had a different "best friend" for every year at secondary school – entirely normal behaviour for teenage girls. We moved continents when I was a child, relocating to Nigeria for a decade, before returning to London as a teenager in Year 11. My Nigerian friendships are all but over – Facebook keeps up the charade – and I have no contact with anyone from secondary school. I don't mourn the loss of those friendships too much.
在中學時每年我的“最好朋友”都不相同，青少年期的女孩都這樣。當我還是孩子的時候我們家在世界各地不斷遷移，搬到尼日利亞過了十年，然後在我讀11年級的時候回到倫敦。 我在尼日利亞的那些友誼基本上都結束了，雖然在Facebook上看起來還存在，但我現在和中學時期的朋友沒有任何聯繫。失去了那些友誼，我也並沒有覺得很難過。
Much as you rarely marry the first person you date, it is inevitable that the friends you make in the early days are not the ones that endure. I think that as you get older, friendships become more utilitarian – "my kid likes your kid" or "we met at NCT class" or "we work together and I don't entirely hate your guts".
就像很少會有人嫁給自己的初戀，很明顯大部分的人和小時結交的朋友間的友誼並不長久。 我認爲，當你年紀變得越來越大，友誼會變得更加實際：“我的孩子喜歡你的孩子” 或“我們在NCT課上遇見的。” 或 “我們一起工作，我不討厭你。”The intensity of the friendships of my youth was borne of a lack of baggage and an abundance of time. You have greater emotional reserves when you make those friendships and when they fail, you bounce back, get back out there and try again. For most people, that resilience leaches away over the years.
我年輕時的結交友誼通常非常親密，這是因爲沒有負擔並、也擁有大量的時間。當你在交友時你擁有較多的情感儲備；當友誼失敗時你會捲土重來，回到原地並重新嘗試。對於大多數人而言，這種彈性隨着時間的流逝慢慢消失。
I look at my parents and their friends: my dad has had the same friends pretty much all his life. These friendships continued across marriages, deaths and continental moves. My mother is the opposite: she has one solid childhood friend – who we call "auntie" even though we share no blood – but still manages to form friendships: deep, intense and emotional. The cost of such bright-blazing friendships is that they are often short-lived and excised from the record as soon as they end. I find the thought exhausting, even as I admire her way of flinging herself out there time after time.
我也觀察了我父母和他們的朋友之間的關係：我爸爸一生中的朋友基本不變。這些友誼見證了他們的婚姻、死亡和搬遷。我媽恰好相反：她只有一個穩定的童年朋友，我們叫她“阿姨”，雖然我們之間並沒有血緣關係。媽媽仍在不斷地和他人建立友誼：那種深刻的、親密的和懇切的友誼。這樣炙熱友誼的代價是它們通常時間較短，當友誼結束時不久就會忘記。我發現這種方式讓人精疲力盡，我甚至很佩服她能一次又一次地投入情感。
The friendships that have lasted for me are more considered and meaningful. I made my two closest friends at university more than a decade ago, when we would loll in the student union pub for most of the day, eating chips and ogling boys. We all live in different cities now, two are coupled up and one has two children, so it's hard to find the time to see one other very often. Our bond is still strong, but we are also more realistic about our expectations.
對我而言，能持續下來的友誼都是經過深思熟慮並富有意義的。十多年前，我在大學裏交了兩個最好的朋友，那時我們成天懶洋洋地待在學生會的酒吧裏，吃着薯片，和男孩們眉目傳情。現在我們三個生活在不同的城市裏，其中兩個人結婚了，還有一個有兩個孩子了，所以很難找時間見面。我們之間的感情依然深厚，但是我們的期望也更加現實。
I have made friends online – people who started out as anonymous witty sentences on a comment thread – who have gone on to become a part of my "real life". Nobody's perfect, but we all draw the line on the things we will and will not put up with. The friendships that last are the ones where you both recognise that you have a good thing going. Getting older might mean you don't make that many new friends, but maybe that's a good thing. The payoff is that you treat them with more care.
我交過網友，在評論貼下留下幽默詼諧的語句慢慢成爲我“真實生活” 的一部分。沒有人是完美的 ，但是我們都會在能忍受和不能忍受的事情中間畫上界限。能夠持久的友誼，是雙方都意識到繼續交往下去會感覺不錯。年級變大可能意味着不能結交很多新朋友，但這也許是件好事。這樣你會更加關心你的老朋友。
And why the mad rush to make all these friends in later life? "Friends: One to three is sufficient." Good advice.
爲什麼要急着去交以後生活中的朋友呢？“朋友：一到三個足矣。” 這個說法真不錯。
