冏研究：5種跡象表明你在和自戀狂約會
1. Emotional insecurity
情感缺乏安全感
Narcissists are hugely insecure and react on a hairtrigger to things that average adults simply don’t get upset about. Their over-sensitivity is extreme.
自戀狂都感到極度不安全，總會對一般人無感的事情引起情緒波動。這種過度敏感非常極端。
When narcissists erupt into a narcissistic rage, their anger is a reaction to a perceived threat to the narcissist’s fragile self-esteem or self-worth. This type of threat is known as ‘narcissistic injury’.
自戀狂脆弱的自尊受到威脅時，會進入一種自戀式的憤怒。這種威脅稱爲：“自戀傷害”。
If the narcissist doesn’t receive enough attention in a group setting, he or she may stir up trouble or exit the scene, only to chastise you later and degrade you and anyone else perceived to have stolen the limelight.
小組活動中如果自戀狂沒有得到關注，他們就會挑事，或者之後攻擊、侮辱那些得到關注的人。
This insecurity may be so extreme that it provokes incredible jealousy and envy that can’t be assuaged.
這種安全感的缺乏非常極端，可能會引發不可緩解的嫉妒心理。
2. Extreme sense of entitlement
很重的權利意識
A narcissist’s self-absorption, which is an integral part of their inner wiring, means they believe they deserve preferential treatment over and above all others.
自戀狂的神經系統有一部分叫自我接納，他們相信自己值得最好的對待。
They will push people’s boundaries without hesitation and go for whatever they can get away with, while their real agenda remains cloaked in charm, flattery and feigned care.
這種人會毫不猶豫地打破人與人之間的界限，獲取任何想要的東西，即使他們的日常往往圍繞着看似迷人，實則虛僞的關懷。
The narcissist’s sense of entitlement ranges all the way from normal everyday events such as ‘I’m not listening to your conversation, let alone engaging with you in it to major life decisions such as property settlements and the splitting of assets.
這種權利意識每天都會發生，比如：“我沒在聽你講話，更別說要跟你分財產了”。
3. They argue like a five-year-old
他們吵起架來像五歲小孩
Their defence mechanisms range from being subtly manipulative to displays of downright nasty, out-of-bounds behaviour.
自戀狂的防禦機制多種多樣，從稍稍較大的控制權到直接表現出惡意、逾界的行爲。
These tactics are so common among narcissists and the expressions they use are so consistent word for word that it is almost eerily uncanny; frequently used phrases include refrains such as ‘you didn’t let me finish what I was saying’ and ‘just because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear’ and ‘you are the only person I have any problems with’.
這些技巧太常見了，他們說的話也都奇奇怪怪，老是重複，比如：“你剛纔根本沒讓我說完”“就是因爲我沒說到你心坎上”“我跟別人都好好的，怎麼就跟你吵？”。
4. Pathological lying
病態謊言
In his or her grandiose self-delusion, a narcissist is covering up a fragile inner identity – and thereby creating and acting out a different script of ‘who’ he or she would like to be.
在自戀狂狂妄的自我幻想中，他們通常掩蓋了內在脆弱的自己，編造、演繹出一個理想中的自己。
A narcissist is likely to lie and brag about accomplishments in his or her past, as well as complain about how poorly they have been treated by those with whom they have had fractured adult relationships – which is usually a gross projection and distortion of what the narcissist has done to others.
自戀狂會吹噓過去的成就，抱怨自己在人際關係中得到不公對待——當然所有的事情通常是自戀狂對別人做過的，他們扭曲了事實。
5. Blaming you for their problems
讓你爲他們的錯背鍋
With narcissists, you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. As far as they are concerned, your actions will all too often represent a personal affront or even a direct attack, intended to hurt them or undermine them – and they claim this is the reason why your relationship is experiencing problems.
和自戀狂在一塊，你做事也會被罵不做也會被罵。做啥都捱罵。對他們來說，你的一舉一動都代表着冒犯，甚至是攻擊，他們說這一切都是關係出問題的源頭。
（翻譯：阿忙）
