情商低的人會說這些話大綱
They mean the exact opposite of what you think. But only emotionally intelligent people understand why. The words hit me like a hurricane: "I know how you feel." You want to help. Yet, rather than creating a connection, "I know how you feel" and other phrases like it build a wall between you and the other person.
這些話的意思與你的原意恰恰相反，但只有情緒敏感的人才知箇中緣由。這種話最傷人："我懂你的感受。"你的確想幫忙。但是，類似的這種話非但不會拉近你們的距離，反而會在你和他人之間建立一堵牆。The phrase suggests that you don't truly understand what the other person feels at all. (Really, how could you?) It suggests that you feel the need to turn the conversation toward your experience, not his or hers, and that ultimately you don't really care about that person's concerns after all. In other words, this phrase sends a message that's 100 percent the opposite of what you intend. So don't say, "I know how you feel." Here's what to do instead.
這句話表明你並未完全理解對方的感受。（真的，你怎麼會理解？）這表明，你覺得有必要談談自己的經歷，而非他或她的，其實最終你根本就不關心對方的感受。換言之，這些話所表達的信息與你的本意完全相反。所以千萬別說"我懂你。"你應該做這些事。
1. "My boss doesn't respect me."
1. "我的老闆不尊重我。"
Shift response: "I went through the exact same thing last year. I wound up leaving and finding a better job."
搶話題式迴應："我去年也經歷了這樣的事情。最後離職了，找了份更好的工作。"Support response: "I'm sorry to hear that. What makes you feel that way?"
支持性的迴應："聽到這種事我很難過，你現在怎麼想的？"2. "If I could just get organized, I'd have the world on a string."
2. "如果我可以做到井然有序，世界就盡在我的掌控之中。"Shift response: "I know--I have the same problem."
搶話題式迴應："我知道--我跟你有一樣的毛病。"Support response: "What do you think stops you from being organized?"
支持性迴應："你覺得導致你雜亂無章的原因是什麼？"3. "I'm so sad since my breakup."
3. "分手後我很難過。"Shift response: "You just need to get back out there and start dating again."
搶話題式迴應："你只需要從這段感情中走出來，開始約會。"Support response: "What do you think stops you from being able to move forward?"
支持性迴應："生活還得繼續，你覺得你爲什麼會這樣？"Derber calls the whole phenomenon, at least the part in which well-meaning people shift the discussion to their own experience, "conversational narcissism."
有些人本意是好的，但他們談着談着就說到了自己，德伯將這個現象，至少一部分，稱作"會話式自戀。""I can imagine..."
"我能想象到……"As Justin puts it in his book, the successful strategy to communicate effectively and leverage emotional intelligence requires avoiding phrases like these:
正如賈斯汀在書中所寫，成功利用情商進行有效溝通需要避免以下幾句話："I know exactly how you feel."
"我懂你的感受。""I've been through this before."
"我也經歷過。""I completely understand; or, I get it."
"我完全懂你，或者我明白。"And replacing them instead with things like the following:
相反，你可以說以下這些話："I'm sorry that happened."
"抱歉發生了這種事。""I can imagine how you may feel."
"我能想象你的感受。""Thanks for sharing this. Tell me more."
"謝謝你的分享，再多說一些吧。"
