直男們 願意來一場男男約會嗎(下)
Mr Kim, 28, who is now married, was flustered in part because he saw someone he knew at the Italian restaurant.
現年28歲的金目前已經結婚了，他當時之所以有些慌神，部分是因爲在那家意大利餐廳裏看到了自己認識的一個人。
"I was kind of worried that word might get out," he said.
我有點兒擔心消息會傳出去，他說。
"This is weird, and now there is a witness maybe."
這很古怪，而且現在可能還有了一個目擊者。
Dinner with a friend has not always been so fraught.
和一位朋友共進晚餐並非一直都這麼令人擔憂。
Before women were considered men's equals, some gender historians say, men routinely confided in and sought advice from one another in ways they did not do with women, even their wives.
一些性別史研究者稱，在女人被認爲與男人平等以前，男人們常常相互吐露衷腸，並向彼此徵詢意見，但卻不會這樣與女人交流，就算是他們的妻子也不行。
Then, these scholars say, two things changed during the last century: an increased public awareness of homosexuality created a stigma around male intimacy, and at the same time women began encroaching on traditionally male spheres, causing men to become more defensive about notions of masculinity.
這些學者說，接着，在上個世紀，有兩件事發生了改變：同性戀更多的進入了公共意識，讓同性之間的親密互動被打上了負面烙印；與此同時，女人開始蠶食傳統上屬於男人的領域，導致男人要更多地去捍衛自己男性氣質的表達。
"If men become too close to other men, then they are always vulnerable to this accusation of, 'Oh, you must be gay,"' said Gregory Lehne, a medical psychologist at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine who has studied gender issues.
如果男人和其他男人太過親密，那他們常常很容易受到這樣的指責：‘哦，你一定是同性戀，’約翰•霍普金斯醫學院(Johns Hopkins School of Medicine)研究性別問題的醫學心理學家格雷戈裏•萊內(Gregory Lehne)說。
At the same time, he added, "When you have women in the same world and seeking equality with men, then all of a sudden issues emerge in the need to maintain the male sex role."
他還表示，同時，在和你身處同一個世界的女人尋求男女平等之際，突然間就出現了需要維護男性性別角色的問題。
And thus a simple meal turns into social Stratego.
就這樣，吃一頓意義單純的飯在社會上變成了容易授人以柄的舉動。
Some men avoid dinner altogether unless the friend is coming from out of town or has a specific problem that he wants advice about.
一些男人會避免一同進餐，除非友人是從外地過來的，或者有特定的問題想要諮詢。
Otherwise, grabbing beers at a bar will do just fine, thank you.
否則的話，在酒吧喝幾杯啤酒就好，謝了。
Other men say dinners may be all right, but never brunch, although a post-hangover meal taking place during brunch hours is O.K.
另外一些男人則表示，共進晚餐或許可以，但絕不能是早午餐，儘管宿醉之後在午餐時間一起找補一頓還是可以接受的。
"The company at that point is purely secondary," explained Steven Carlson, 29, a public relations executive in Chicago.
在那種時刻，陪伴完全是次要的，現年29歲，在芝加哥當公關主管的史蒂芬•卡爾森(Steven Carlson)解釋道。
Almost all men agree that beer and hard alcohol are acceptable man date beverages, but wine is risky.
幾乎所有男人都一致認爲，啤酒和烈酒是進行男男約會時可以接受的飲料，但喝紅酒就有點危險了。
And sharing a bottle is out of the question.
此外，絕不能共飲一瓶紅酒。
"If a guy wants to get a glass of wine, that's O.K.," said Rob Discher, 24, who moved to Washington from Dallas and has dinner regularly with his male roommate.
如果一個人想要來一杯紅酒，那沒問題，現年24歲，從達拉斯搬到了華盛頓、會經常和男性室友共進晚餐的羅布•迪舍爾(Rob Discher)說。
"But there is something kind of odd about splitting a bottle of wine with a guy."
但要是和一個男人共飲一瓶紅酒，總感覺有點兒怪。
Other restaurant red flags include coat checks, busboys who ask, "Still or sparkling?" and candles, unless there is a power failure.
此外，得遠離這樣的餐廳：設有衣帽間的，服務生會問帶汽還是不帶汽的礦泉水的，以及點着蠟燭的——除非趕上停電。
All of those are fine, however, at a steakhouse.
不過，如果是在一家牛排館裏，以上這些還是可以接受的。
"Your one go-to is if you go and get some kind of meat product," explained James Halow, 28, who works for a leveraged buyout firm in San Francisco.
要是想吃某種肉類產品，這會是一個很好的選擇，現年28歲，在舊金山一家槓桿收購公司工作的詹姆斯•哈洛(James Halow)解釋道。
Cooking for a friend at home violates the man date comfort zone for almost everyone, with a possible exemption for grilling or deep-frying.
幾乎對所有人而言，爲朋友在家裏做飯都打破了男男約會的舒適區，也許吃燒烤或者油炸食物可以是例外。
"The grilling thing would take away the majority of the stigma because there is a masculine overtone to the grill," Mr Discher said.
燒烤會讓大部分不光彩的感覺煙消雲散，因爲燒烤架能彰顯陽剛之氣，迪舍爾說。
And man dates should always be Dutch treat, men agree.
男人們一致認爲，赴男男之約時一定要採取AA制。
Armen Myers, 28, a lawyer in New York who is an unabashed man dater, remembers when he tried to pay for dinner for a friend.
現年28歲、在紐約當律師的阿爾緬•邁爾斯(Armen Myers)，是一個從不遮遮掩掩的男男約會者，他還記得自己試圖爲共進晚餐的一位友人買單時的情形。
"I just plopped out the money and didn't even think about it," Mr Myers said.
我想都沒想就把錢掏了出來，邁爾斯說，
"He said, 'What are you doing?' And I'm like: 'I was going to pay. What's the big deal?' And he said something like, 'Guys don't pay for me,' or 'No one pays for me.'
他問，‘你這是幹嘛？’我回答：‘我要買單啊，有問題嗎？’而他好像是這樣說的：‘我不會讓男人爲我買單的’，或者‘誰也不許爲我買單。’
There was a certain slight power issue."
這其中顯然會涉及某個小小的權力問題。
When attending a movie together -- preferably with explosions or heavy special effects, never a romantic comedy -- guys prefer to put a nice big seat between each other.
一起去看電影時——電影裏最好有爆炸場景或者大量特效鏡頭，絕不可以看浪漫喜劇片——男人們寧願分開來坐，彼此之間隔着一個大大的空位。
(This only sounds like an episode of "Seinfeld.")
（就好像《宋飛傳》(Seinfeld)中的一集那樣。
Going to the movie with one other guy is sort of weird, but you can balance it out by having a seat space between you, explained Ames McArdle, a financial analyst in Washington.
和另一個男人一起看電影有點兒怪，但如果你們之間隔着一個空位，就可以抵消一部分怪怪的感覺，華盛頓的一名金融分析師埃姆斯•麥卡德爾(Ames McArdle)說。
Men who avoid man dates altogether are often puzzled by the suggestion that they might like to spend time with male friends.
會完全避開男男約會的男人，在面對他們或許想要和男性友人共度時光這一提示時，常常感到困惑。
"If you're buddies with another guy, there shouldn't be any work involved," Mr Halow of San Francisco said.
如果你和另一個男人是好友，你們的交往就不應該那麼麻煩，舊金山的哈洛說。
Which is why many men say that a successful man dates requires a guy to demonstrate concern for his friend without ever letting on.
正因爲如此，許多男人都說，男男約會取得成功的必要條件是：一個男人得表現出對朋友的關心，但又絕不能承認這一點。
"The amount of preparation that the other guy is making is directly proportional to how awkward it is," Mr McArdle of Washington said.
另一個男人爲約會所做準備的程度，直接關係到約會的尷尬程度，華盛頓的麥卡德爾說。
When man daters socialize with non-man daters, the activities always fall to the lowest common denominator.
當男男約會者與非男男約會者交際時，其活動往往會牽扯到儘可能多的人。
Mr Myers of New York remembers how he would ask his roommate Jonathan Freimann out for dinner by himself.
紐約的邁爾斯還記得自己當初想單獨邀請室友喬納森•弗賴曼(Jonathan Freimann)出去吃晚餐。
But Mr Freimann would instinctively pre-empt, by asking other guys along.
但弗賴曼卻會自然而然地搶先行動，叫上一堆人。
Mr Freimann explained, adding that group dinners had simply seemed "more fun."
如果知道他想和我單獨待在一起，我會照做的，弗賴曼解釋道，
If I had known he wanted to spend one-on-one time, I would have,
他還表示，之所以找一羣人聚餐，只是因爲那樣似乎更有趣。
(The two had dinner in San Diego last week.)
（上週，兩人在聖地亞哥共進了晚餐。）
Jeffrey Toohig, 27, is a more reliable bet for Mr Myers.
對邁爾斯來說，27歲的傑弗裏•圖西格(Jeffrey Toohig)是一個更爲可靠的選擇。
They regularly have dinner together to discuss women, jobs and whatever else is on their minds, because, as Mr. Toohig put it, "the conversation is more in-depth than you can have at a bar."
他們會定期共進晚餐，討論女人、工作以及內心的其他所有想法，因爲正如圖西格所言，這種談話比酒吧裏能夠展開的那種更有深度。
Mr. Toohig, who is looking for a job helping underdeveloped countries, divides his male friends into two groups: "good friends who I go out one on one with, and guys I go out with and we have beers and wings."
圖西格正在尋找一份可以對欠發達國家有所幫助的工作，他把自己的男性朋友分成兩類：我會與之單獨見面的好朋友，以及一羣人一起出門喝啤酒吃雞翅的哥們。
And, he pointed out, dinner with Mr. Myers has the advantage of not making his girlfriend jealous, the way dinners with his female friends do.
此外，他指出，和圖西格共進晚餐的一大好處是不會讓他女朋友心生妒忌，和女性朋友單獨吃晚餐就不行了。
All men, however, agree that one rule of guy-meets-guy time is inviolable: if a woman enters the picture, a man can drop his buddies, last minute, no questions asked.
不過，所有男人一致認爲，男男約會不得違反的規矩是：如果一個女人出現了，約會一方可以對好友爽約，哪怕是最後一分鐘，並且無需解釋。
A romantic date always trumps a man date.
浪漫約會的地位永遠高於男男約會。
