直男們 願意來一場男男約會嗎(中)

"A lot of quality time is lost as we fritter around with minor stuff like the Final Four scores," said Mr O'Donnell, who was on the verge of divorce in the mid-1980's before a series of conversations over meals and walks with a friend 20 years his senior changed his thinking.

當我們把時間耗在四強賽分數等小事上的時候，大把一起相處的寶貴時光一去不返，奧唐奈說。上世紀80年代中期，他處於離婚邊緣，卻在和一位比他年長20歲的友人多次進餐散步後改變了主意，當時二人聊了很多東西。

"He was instrumental in turning me around in the vulnerability that he showed," said Mr O'Donnell, who wrote about the friendship in a book, "Walking With Arthur." "I can remember times when he wanted to know why I was going to leave my wife.

他向我袒露了自己的脆弱之處，幫助我改變了想法，在《和亞瑟一起散步》(Walking With Arthur)一書中描寫了這段友誼的奧唐奈說。我記得當時他想要了解，爲什麼我打算離開我妻子。

No guy had ever done that before."

此前從沒有男性朋友像他那樣做。

While some men explicitly seek man dates, and others flatly reject them as pointless, most seem to view them as an unavoidable form of socializing in an age when friends can often catch up only by planning in advance.

儘管有些男人會毫不掩飾地尋求男男約會，有些則認爲這毫無意義，會斷然拒絕，但大多數人都覺得，在一個通常只有事先安排好，朋友們纔會小聚一番的時代，男男約會是一種不可避免的社交形式。

The ritual comes particularly into play for many men after college, as they adjust to a more structured, less spontaneous social life.

對許多從大學畢業後，學着適應更有規律、隨意性更小的社會生活的男性而言，這種約會尤其難以避免。

"You see kids in college talking to each other, bull sessions," said Peter Nardi, a sociology professor at Pitzer College in Claremont, Calif., who edited a book called "Men's Friendships." "But the opportunities to get close to another man, to share and talk about their feelings, are not available after a certain age."

你看大學裏的年輕人會相互交談，侃大山，加利福尼亞州克萊蒙特市匹茲學院(Pitzer College)社會學教授、《兄弟情誼》(Men's Friendships)一書的編輯彼得•納迪(Peter Nardi)說。但到了一定年齡之後，就不太有機會與另一個男人親近，分享和討論各自的感受了。

The concern about being perceived as gay is one of the major complications of socializing one on one, many straight men acknowledge.

許多直男承認，擔心被當成同性戀，是他們對一對一社交感到糾結的一個重要原因。

That is what Mr Speiser, now a graduate student at the University of Virginia, recalled about another man date he set up at a highly praised Italian restaurant in a strip mall in Charlottesville.

目前在弗吉尼亞大學(University of Virginia)讀研的斯潘塞記得，他在夏洛茨維爾某單排商業區內一家口碑極好意大利餐廳安排的另一場男男約會，就讓他有這種擔心。

It seemed a comfortable choice to meet his roommate, Thomas Kim, a lawyer, but no sooner had they walked in than they were confronted by cello music, amber lights, white tablecloths and a wine list.

他約的是自己的室友、身爲律師的托馬斯•金(Thomas Kim)，在那裏見面本來看似會是一個舒適的選擇。但他們剛走進餐廳，面對的便是以大提琴演奏的音樂、琥珀色的燈光、雪白的桌布以及一份酒單。

The two exchanged a look.

兩人交換了一下眼神。

"It was funny," Mr Speiser said.

很搞笑，斯潘塞說。

"We just knew we couldn't do it." Within minutes they were eating fried chicken at a "down and dirty" place down the road.

我們立刻知道我們做不來這個。沒過幾分鐘，他們就在路邊一個不入流的髒兮兮的地方吃起了炸雞。