《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 35 (75):我胖了!

I couldn't hold out. None of my pants, after almost four months in Italy, fit me anymore. Not even the new clothes I just bought last month (when I'd already outgrown my "Second Month in Italy" pants) fit me anymore. I can't afford to buy a new wardrobe every few weeks, and I am aware that soon I will be in India, where the pounds will just melt away, but still—I cannot walk in these pants anymore. I can't stand it. 我撐不下去。在意大利待了將近四個月後，我的長褲再也沒有一條合身，甚至上個月纔買的新衣服（因爲我已穿不下“意大利第二個月”的長褲）也不再合身。我沒能力每隔幾個星期買一整套新衣，而且我很清楚過不久將去印度，體重即將“溶解”，但儘管如此——我已沒辦法穿這些長褲走路。我撐不住。

Which all makes sense, given that I recently stepped on a scale in a fancy Italian hotel and learned that I have gained twenty-three pounds in my four months of Italy—a truly admirable statistic. About fifteen pounds of that I actually needed to gain because I had become so skeletal during these last hard years of divorce and depression. The next five pounds, I just gained for fun. As for the final three? Just to prove a point, I suppose. 這一切都很合理：前不久我在一家高級飯店踏上磅秤，得知我在意大利的四個月已重了二十三磅——真教人佩服的數字。事實上我大概需要增加十五磅，因爲過去幾年間，離婚和抑鬱的折磨使我變得瘦骨如柴。多出來的五磅只是鬧着玩兒。至於最後的三磅？只是爲了加以證明吧。

But so it is that I find myself shopping for an item of clothing I will always keep in my life as a cherished souvenir: "My Last Month in Italy Jeans." The young lady in the shop is nice enough to keep bringing me bigger and bigger sizes, handing them through the curtain one after another without commentary, only asking with concern each time if this is closer to a fit. Several times, I have needed to poke my head out of this curtain and ask, "Excuse me—do you have a pair that is slightly bigger?" Until the nice young lady finally gives me a pair of jeans with a waist measurement that verily hurts my eyes to witness. I step out of the dressing room, presenting myself to the doesn't blink. She looks at me like an art curator trying to assess the value of a vase. A rather large vase. 於是我去採購一件衣物，當做生命中永久保存的珍貴紀念品——“我在意大利最後一個月的牛仔褲”。年輕女店員很好心，不斷給我拿來愈來愈大的尺寸，一件一件遞給布簾後的我，未做任何評論，每回只是關心地詢問這件是否比較合身。好幾次我不得不從簾子後探出頭來：“請問，有沒有‘稍微’大一點的尺寸？”直到好心的年輕女士終於拿給我一件腰圍尺寸刺痛我眼睛的牛仔褲爲止。我走出更衣間，出現在女店員面前。她並未眨眼。她看着我，好似美術館長嘗試評估花瓶的價值，一隻相當大的花瓶。

"Carina," she decides finally. Cute. 她終於斷定地說，“可愛。”

I ask her in Italian if she could please tell me honestly whether these jeans are causing me to resemble a cow. 我用意大利語問能否請她誠實地告訴我，這件牛仔褲是否讓我像頭母牛。

No, signorina, I am told. You do not resemble a cow. "Do I resemble a pig, then?" “不，女士，”她告訴我，“你不像母牛。”“那像不像豬？”

No, she assures me with great seriousness. Nor do I resemble a pig in the least. 不，她鄭重其事向我保證我一點也不像豬。

"Perhaps a buffalo?" “也許像水牛？”

This is becoming good vocabulary practice. I'm also trying to get a smile out of the salesclerk, but she's too intent on remaining professional. I try one more time: "Maybe I resemble a buffalo mozzarella?" 這是很好的詞彙練習。我還嘗試讓店員露出一點笑容，可是她一心想保持專業態度。我又試了一次“或許像一塊水牛乳酪（Buffalo Mozzarella）？”

Okay, maybe, she concedes, smiling only slightly. Maybe you do look a little like a buffalo mozzarella . . , Pray, Love 好吧，或許吧，她承認，僅微微一笑。或許你的確有點像水牛乳酪……