《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 4 (7):只能祈禱
Of course, I've had a lot of time to formulate my opinions about divinity since that night on the bathroom floor when I spoke to God directly for the first time. In the middle of that dark November crisis, though, I was not interested in formulating my views on theology. I was interested only in saving my life. I had finally noticed that I seemed to have reached a state of hopeless and life-threatening despair, and it occurred to me that sometimes people in this state will approach God for help. I think I’d read that in a book somewhere.
當然，從在浴室地板上首次直接與神說話的那晚以來，我有許多時間可以闡明我對神的想法。儘管在那黑暗的十一月危機期間，我並無興趣探明我的神學看法。我只想拯救我的生活。我終於留意到，我似乎已經來到某種無可救藥、危及生命的絕望狀態之中。我想到，處在此種狀態下的人，有時會嘗試向神求援。我想我曾在什麼書中讀過這樣的例子。
What I said to God through my gasping sobs was something like this: "Hello, God. How are you? I'm Liz. It's nice to meet you."
在我喘息的嗚咽中，我跟神的對話，類似這樣：“哈囉，神啊。您好嗎？我是小莉。很高興認識您。”
That's right—I was speaking to the creator of the universe as though we'd just been introduced at a cocktail party. But we work with what we know in this life, and these are the words I always use at the beginning of a relationship. In fact, it was all I could do to stop myself from saying, "I've always been a big fan of your work . . ."
沒錯——我和造物者打招呼，就好像在雞尾酒派對上剛剛由人介紹認識。我們總是從我們這一生學會的事情開始做起，而我向來在一段關係開始的時候，就這麼跟人說話。事實上，我儘量剋制自己不說：“我一直很迷您的作品”……
"I'm sorry to bother you so late at night," I continued. "But I'm in serious trouble. And I'm sorry I haven't ever spoken directly to you before, but I do hope I have always expressed ample gratitude for all the blessings that you've given me in my life."
“很抱歉這麼晚打擾您，”我繼續說道，“但我面臨嚴重的麻煩。對不起，我從前沒直接跟您說過話，但我希望我對您賜予我的一切，可以一直表達萬分感激之意。”
This thought caused me to sob even harder. God waited me out. I pulled myself together enough to go on: "I am not an expert at praying, as you know. But can you please help me? I am in desperate need of help. I don't know what to do. I need an answer. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me what to do . . ."
這樣的想法使我嗚咽得更厲害。神耐心地等待我恢復鎮定。我振作起來，繼續說下去“您知道，我不是祈禱的能手。但能不能請您幫個忙？我非常需要協助 。我束手無策。我需要答案。請告訴我如何是好。請告訴我如何是好。請告訴我如何是好……”
And so the prayer narrowed itself down to that simple entreaty—Please tell me what to do—repeated again and again. I don't know how many times I begged. I only know that I begged like someone who was pleading for her life. And the crying went on forever.
於是禱告語縮減至簡單的一句——“請告訴 我如何是好”——一遍又一遍。我不曉得自己求了多少次。我只曉得我像qing ming般哀求，始終哭個不停。
Until—quite abruptly—it stopped.
一直到，突然間，我停止哭泣。
Quite abruptly, I found that I was not crying anymore. I'd stopped crying, in fact, in mid-sob. My misery had been completely vacuumed out of me. I lifted my forehead off the floor and sat up in surprise, wondering if I would see now some Great Being who had taken my weeping away. But nobody was there. I was just alone. But not really alone, either. I was sur-rounded by something I can only describe as a little pocket of silence—a silence so rare that I didn't want to exhale, for fear of scaring it off. I was seamlessly still. I don't know when I'd ever felt such stillness.
突然間 ，我發現我不再哭了。事實上，我在嗚咽當口上停止哭泣。我內心的痛苦完全被抽空。我從地板上擡起頭，驚訝地坐了起來，心想此刻能否看見帶走哭泣的偉大神靈。卻看不見任何人，只有我獨自一人。但也不全然是獨自一人。我的四周圍繞着某種我只能稱作一小塊寂靜的東西——此種寂靜十分罕見，使我屏住呼吸，以免嚇跑它。我一動也不動。我從不知道自己何時曾感受過此種寂靜。
