英國生存指南 手把手帶你遊英國
Looking like a tourist can cost you money and pride.
如果看起來像個遊客，會讓你又花錢又傷自尊。Looking like a local can open you up to even greater harassment.
而看起來像本地人可能會帶給你更多的煩惱。Read our survivor's guide, split the difference and come away with your upper lip intact.
閱讀一下我們的生存指南，尋找一種折中的方式，讓你在遊玩時不再沉默。
1. Getting around
出行Travel around the UK is relatively simple.
在英國旅行相對來說還是比較簡單的。Yes, they drive on the left, but don't be daunted. Most roads are so narrow that it doesn't make any difference which side you're on.
沒錯，他們靠左行駛，但別被嚇到。大部分的道路都很狹窄，你靠哪邊都沒什麼分別。Be prepared when driving distances of more than 20 miles.
當你的駕駛距離超過20英里時，要做好準備。Britain has an extensive and efficient rail network, which only ever grinds to a halt when the weather turns hot, cold, wet or dry.
英國有着廣闊而且高效的鐵路網絡，只是在天氣變熱、變冷、變得溼潤或乾燥時纔會停擺。Tickets are expensive but you can find cheap fares by booking eight or nine years in advance of travel.
車票很貴，但如果你提前個八、九年預訂，還是有廉價票的。2. Climate
氣候There are warm days in the UK, but you know you're in a damp country when the merest hint of sunshine is front page news.
英國也有溫暖的日子，但你要明白你是在一個潮溼的國家，哪怕有一丁點出太陽的跡象也是頭條新聞。Britain has four seasons, and while the transitions between them can be pleasant, each is typically as wet, gray and cold as the last.
英國有四季，雖然四季交替時比較舒適，但每一季都很分明：潮溼、灰暗、寒冷。All are considered by Brits to be "ice cream weather."
英國人看來這四季都是“冰淇淋天氣”。Whatever the climate throws at you, be prepared for endless conversations about it.
不論你遇到怎樣的天氣，都要準備面對關於天氣無休止的討論。These needn't be dull since, like Eskimos with snow, Brits have a impressive lexicon for rain.
這也不會很無聊，因爲就好像愛斯基摩人有許多關於“雪”的詞彙一樣，關於“雨” 英國人也有許多說法。If you hear the word "mizzle," it probably means a light shower. Or maybe a low quality Snoop Dogg track.
如果你聽到“mizzle”這個詞，意思應該是小雨。不過也可能是一張低音質的Snoop Dogg（美國歌手）的唱片。3. Royalty
皇室Don't be duped by Downton Abbey. Britain has come a long way since the days when ordinary folk were awestruck by aristocracy.
別被《唐頓莊園》騙了。英國早已不再是那個普通民衆都要對貴族肅然起敬的時代了。This is a modern country where all are born equal and social rewards are based on merit.
這是一個現代國家，人們生來平等，社會報酬基於功績來分配。This is why few British people bothered turning up when a blue-blooded chap married his sweetheart in 2011.
這就是爲什麼，2011年當一個純種貴族血統的小夥子娶了他的心上人時，基本沒什麼英國人願意出場。It's why barely anyone noticed when she gave birth a couple of years later.
這就是爲什麼幾年後當她生下孩子時幾乎沒有人注意到。And it's also why no one batted an eyelid when his flame-haired brother got naked in Vegas.
這也是爲什麼當他火紅頭髮的弟弟在維加斯全裸時，都沒有人驚訝得眨眼睛。OK, none of that is true. British people are as in thrall to their royal family as you are.
好吧，這些都是假的。英國人和你一樣，被他們的皇室家庭所束縛着。And they're willing to sell you a Wills 'n' Kate souvenir tea towel with matching oven mitts to prove it.
他們很樂意賣給你一塊威廉王子和凱特王妃的紀念茶巾並配上相稱的隔熱手套，這足以證明這一點。4. History
歷史Britain has so many ancient attractions, it's hard to know where to start.
英國有太多的古蹟，不知道該從哪兒開始說起。And if you do manage to visit all the sites of historical interest, archeologists will simply dig up the bones of another 15th-century king from under a parking lot, just to annoy you.
如果你真的遊遍了所有的歷史名勝，考古學家會從停車場地下隨便挖出一個15世紀國王的骨頭，純粹是爲了惹你生氣。But since some Brits are only aware of two key dates -- a French invasion in 1066 and an England soccer World Cup victory 900 years later -- you don't need to try too hard to catch up.
不過由於部分英國人只清楚兩個重要日期：一個法國人在1066年的入侵和900年後英國贏得世界盃足球賽，你沒必要努力參觀那麼多古蹟。Try visiting the northern city of York, where you can wallow in 2,000 years of British history in one location.
可以去參觀北部城市約克，在這一個地方你就可以體會2000年的英國曆史。Or Bath, where you can do the same and also wallow in a nice thermal bath.
或者去巴斯，這裏不但可以體會到同樣的歷史，還可以洗個舒服的溫泉。5. Tea
茶葉There may be coffee shops on every UK street corner, but Britain is resolutely a tea-drinking nation.
也許在英國每條街的拐角都有咖啡店，但英國絕對是個飲茶的國家。Vast lakes of insipid infusions are consumed on a daily basis.
英國人每天都要消耗掉幾個湖泊的水量。Visitors will note the almost mandatory provision of a miniscule electric jug, or kettle, in every hotel room.
遊客們會發現，每個酒店房間都有一個小型電熱水壺或茶壺，這幾乎是一項強制規定。It will take four hours to boil half a cup, but for many Brits this is an essential lifeline. There isn't any crisis they believe can't be solved with a nice cup of tea, and perhaps a biscuit.
煮半杯茶要四個小時，但對於大多數英國人來說這是必備的生命線。在他們看來，喝着一杯美滋滋的茶，也許再配上一塊餅乾，就沒有解決不了的危機。When preparing tea, there are rituals to be observed. Use boiling water and, if you must resort to tea bags, always add the milk last.
準備茶水時，還有固定的程序。要用燒開的水，如果你一定要用茶包的話，最後再加牛奶。Failure to do so will result in such distress that it may take another cup of tea to calm everyone down again.
如果沒做到這些，會讓你感覺不舒服，也許需要再喝一杯茶來安慰大家。6. Language
語言If in doubt, mimic the body language.
如果有疑問，請模仿肢體語言。Even if you're fluent in English, you may experience linguistic difficulties in the UK.
即使你英語流利，在英國也許還是會遇到語言困難。Regional dialects vary extensively in the space of a few miles, resulting in bafflement even among locals.
相隔幾英里的地方，方言就可能大不同，即使本地人也會感到迷惑。If you can't understand what a British person is saying, it's fairly safe to assume it's either a). something about the weather (see climate above), or b). an apology.
如果你聽不懂一個英國人在說什麼，你可以放心做出兩種假設，A，在談論天氣（參見之前的天氣部分）；B，在道歉。British people love apologizing: they're sorry to trouble you, sorry they can't be more helpful, sorry about the rain and sorry about invading your country in 1762, or whenever it was.
英國人喜歡道歉：他們很抱歉麻煩你，很抱歉不能幫你，很抱歉下雨了，很抱歉在1762年入侵了你的國家，總之任何時候都在道歉。They also love apologizing when it's not even their fault: they're sorry that you bumped into them, sorry you knocked them to the floor and sorry that you are repeatedly thwacking them over the head and telling them to stop apologizing.
哪怕不是自己犯的錯，他們也喜歡道歉：你碰到了他們，他們會道歉；你撞倒了他們，他們會道歉；你不停地拍他們的頭讓他們別道歉了，他們還是會道歉。Be warned though, it's contagious.
不過要小心，這是會傳染的。7. Cuisine
菜餚Britain's bland national diet has been revolutionized by South Asian migrants whose spicy concoctions are now firm favorites sold on every high street.
來自南亞的移民們給乏味的英國菜帶來了革命，他們混合辣味的菜餚正在每條主要街道上熱賣。Meanwhile, pubs that once nourished customers with despondent sandwiches are now studded with Michelin stars.
同時，那些曾經只提供令人失望的三明治的酒吧，現在也有米其林星級認證了。But don't be fooled.
不過別上當。They might pretend to love fine dining, but when on the hoof, many Brits still prefer to fill their faces with offal and saturated fat.
他們也許假裝喜歡正式的餐廳，但只要還活着，許多英國人依然更偏愛垃圾食品和飽和脂肪。Few journeys are made within the United Kingdom that aren't catered with sausage rolls, Cornish pasties and Scotch eggs.
在英國境內的旅行，幾乎都伴隨着臘腸卷、康沃爾郡菜肉烘餅和蘇格蘭式煎蛋。Visitors troubled by the sight of greasy meat should also be warned of three words that will strike fear -- if not full-blown cardiovascular seizures -- into their hearts: Full. English. Breakfast.
那些因爲油膩的肉而煩惱的遊客還要小心三個讓你心生恐懼的詞（如果沒有心血管痙攣的話）：吃飽、英語、早餐。8. Television
電視Be sure to take time out from your travels to sample a few hours of British television, but seek not the polished period dramas that are easily exported to other countries.
一定要從你的旅行裏抽出一些時間，看幾個小時的英國電視，但不要選那些製作精良、容易被他國引進的歷史劇。Where British TV excels is in its celebration of the lives of ordinary, dare we say boring, citizens.
讓英國電視脫穎而出的是它對普通人生活的歌頌。The UK's three most popular soaps focus not on the beautiful or the damned, but on normal folk engaged in humdrum tasks like buying cheese, arguing about pottery or tending to their farms.
英國三部最受歡迎的肥皂劇關注的不是美好或醜惡，而是忙於單調任務的普通人。他們購買奶酪，爭論陶器製造工藝，或者關注自己的農場。
