《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 64 (142):我的天性
So what is my natural character? I love studying in this Ashram, but my dream of finding divinity by gliding silently through the place with a gentle, ethereal smile—who is that person? That's probably someone I saw on a TV show. The reality is, it's a little sad for me to admit that I will never be that character. I've always been so fascinated by these wraith-like, delicate souls. Always wanted to be the quiet girl. Probably precisely because I'm not. It's the same reason I think that thick, dark hair is so beautiful—precisely because I don't have it, because I can't have it. But at some point you have to make peace with what you were given and if God wanted me to be a shy girl with thick, dark hair, He would have made me that way, but He didn't. Useful, then, might be to accept how I was made and embody myself fully therein.
什麼是我的天性？我喜歡在道場學習，卻幻想自己帶着柔和超凡的微笑悄悄走在這裏，爲了尋找神靈——此人是誰？可能是我在電視節目上看到的人物吧。事實上，承認自己永遠當不成這樣的人物，使我有些難過。我經常被那些仿如幽魂、纖細嬌弱的人所吸引，始終希望自己是安靜的姑娘。或許正因爲我不是吧。我認爲濃密的黑髮非常漂亮，也是基於相同的理由——正因爲我不是黑髮，因爲我不可能是黑髮。但有些時刻，你得接受自己被賦予的東西，假使神要我成爲有一頭濃密黑髮的羞怯姑娘，神會把我創造成那樣，但並未如此。最好接受神所創造的我，具體展現全部的自己。Or, as Sextus, the ancient Pythagorian philospher, said, "The wise man is always similar to himself."
就像古代哲人塞克斯圖斯（Sextus）所說：“智者始終像他自己。”This doesn't mean I cannot be devout. It doesn't mean I can't be thoroughly tumbled and humbled with God's love. This does not mean I cannot serve humanity. It doesn't mean I can't improve myself as a human being, honing my virtues and working daily to minimize my vices. For instance, I'm never going to be a wallflower, but that doesn't mean I can't take a serious look at my talking habits and alter some aspects for the better—working within my personality. Yes, I like talking, but perhaps I don't have to curse so much, and perhaps I don't always have to go for the cheap laugh, and maybe I don't need to talk about myself quite so constantly. Or here's a radical concept—maybe I can stop interrupting others when they are speaking. Because no matter how creatively I try to look at my habit of interrupting, I can't find another way to see it than this: "I believe that what I am saying is more important than what you are saying." And I can't find another way to see that than: "I believe that I am more important than you." And that must end.
這並不是說，我無法做虔誠的人。這不是說，我無法謙恭地看待神的愛。這不是說，我無法貢獻人類。這不是說，我無法改善自己的人性，磨練美德，天天努力，減輕自己的罪過。比方說，我永遠當不成壁花，但這並不是說我沒法認真看待自己的說話習慣，改善自己的某些部分——在自己的人格範圍內進行努力。是的，我愛說話，但或許我沒必要咒罵自己，或許我只是沒必要老是開沒營養的玩笑。或許我沒必要老是談自己。或者，更激進的想法是——或許我不該在他人講話時打斷他們。因爲無論我多麼想創造性地看待這種打斷他人的惡習，其實自己的看法卻是“我認爲我講的話比你講的話重要”；也就是“我認爲我比你重要”。這必須終止。
All these changes would be useful to make. But even so, even with reasonable modifications to my speaking habits, I probably won't ever be known as That Quiet Girl. No matter how pretty a picture that is and no matter how hard I try. Because let's be really honest about who we're dealing with here. When the woman at the Ashram Seva Center gave me my new job assignment of Key Hostess, she said, "We have a special nickname for this position, you know. We call it ‘Little Suzy Creamcheese,' because whoever does the job needs to be social and bubbly and smiling all the time."
做這些改變有益於我。但即使在合理的範圍內修正自己的講話習慣，我可能仍無法成爲“那個安靜的姑娘”——無論這是一幅多麼美好的畫面，無論我是多麼努力嘗試。因爲讓我們真的誠實面對這個個案中案主的特質吧。當道場“歇瓦”中心的那位女士將新分派的“主招待”職務交付給我時，她說：“我們給這個職位一個特殊的匿稱，叫‘蘇西乳酪小姐’，因爲不管誰擔任這份工作，都需要整天與人社交、閒聊、微笑。”What could I say?
我無話可說。I just stuck out a hand to shake, bade a silent farewell to all my wishful old delusions and announced, "Madam—I'm your girl." Eat, Pray, Love
我沉默地揮別自己那些一廂情願的妄想，只是跟她握手說：“夫人，小女子任您使喚。”
