《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 67 (148):難以形容的宗教體驗

As a reader and seeker, I always get frustrated at this moment in somebody else's spiritual memoirs—that moment in which the soul excuses itself from time and place and merges with the infinite. From the Buddha to Saint Teresa to the Sufi mystics to my own Guru—so many great souls over the centuries have tried to express in so many words what it feels like to become one with the divine, but I'm never quite satisfied by these descriptions. Often you will see the maddening adjective indescribable used to describe the event. But even the most eloquent reporters of the devotional experience—like Rumi, who wrote about having abandoned all effort and tied himself to God's sleeve, or Hafiz, who said that he and God had become like two fat men living in a small boat—"we keep bumping into each other and laughing"—even these poets leave me behind. I don't want to read about it; I want to feel it, too. Sri Ramana Maharshi, a beloved Indian Guru, used to give long talks on the transcendental experience to his pupils and then always wrap it up with this instruction: "Now go find out."

在他人的心靈傳記當中所出現的這一刻——靈魂脫離時空，與無極融爲一體的時刻——經常使身爲讀者及追求者的我灰心喪氣。從佛陀到聖泰瑞莎、蘇菲神祕論者、我的導師——數世紀來，這些偉大的靈魂嘗試以許多文字表達與神合而爲一的感受，可是他們的敘述始終無法讓我心服口服。你經常發現令人惱火的形容詞“難以形容”被拿來描述其過程。但即使最擅於表達宗教體驗的記錄者——例如魯米，他敘述自己放棄一切努力、把自己和神的衣袖拴在一起；或哈菲茲，他說他和神就像兩名胖子住在一艘小船上——“我們彼此撞來撞去，嚷嚷笑笑”——甚至這些詩人亦把我丟在身後。我不想讀；我想去感覺。敬愛的印度導師拉曼納瑪哈西大師（SriRamanaMaharshi）經常和自己的學生們談論超凡經驗，結尾時總是指示他們：“現在，去搞清楚吧。”

So now I have found out. And I don't want to say that what I experienced that Thursday afternoon in India was indescribable, even though it was. I'll try to explain anyway. Simply put, I got pulled through the wormhole of the Absolute, and in that rush I suddenly understood the workings of the universe completely. I left my body, I left the room, I left the planet, I stepped through time and I entered the void. I was inside the void, but I also was the void and I was looking at the void, all at the same time. The void was a place of limitless peace and wisdom. The void was conscious and it was intelligent. The void was God, which means that I was inside God. But not in a gross, physical way—not like I was Liz Gilbert stuck inside a chunk of God's thigh muscle. I just was part of God. In addition to being God. I was both a tiny piece of the universe and exactly the same size as the universe. ("All know that the drop merges into the ocean, but few know that the ocean merges into the drop," wrote the sage Kabir—and I can personally attest now that this is true.)

因此現在我搞清楚了。我不想說這天週四下午在印度體驗到“難以形容”的經歷，儘管的確如此。讓我試着說明。簡而言之，我穿越時空裂洞，在激流中，突然完全瞭解宇宙的運行。我離開自己的身體，離開房間，離開地球，邁過時間，走入太虛。我身處太虛，但我也是太虛，並注視着太虛。太虛是無限平靜、無窮智慧的地方。太虛清醒而明智。太虛是神，也就是說我在神裏頭。並非以實體方式——不像是小莉?吉爾伯特嵌在神的一塊大腿肌肉當中。我只是屬於神。除了身爲神之外。我是一小片宇宙，也是和宇宙同大的東西。（“人人知道水滴匯入海洋，卻鮮少人知道海洋匯入水滴。”印度聖人迦比爾（Kabir）寫道——我親身證實，他沒說錯。）

It wasn't hallucinogenic, what I was feeling. It was the most basic of events. It was heaven, yes. It was the deepest love I'd ever experienced, beyond anything I could have previously imagined, but it wasn't euphoric. It wasn't exciting. There wasn't enough ego or passion left in me to create euphoria and excitement. It was just obvious. Like when you've been looking at an optical illusion for a long time, straining your eyes to decode the trick, and suddenly your cognizance shifts and there—now you can clearly see it!—the two vases are actually two faces. And once you've seen through the optical illusion, you can never not see it again.

這不是幻覺，而是最根本的過程。是天堂，沒錯。是我體驗過最深刻的愛，超越自己從前的想象，卻不是快感。不是興奮感。留在我心靈中的自我或熱情，不足以產生快感或興奮感。只是顯而易見，就好似你注視那種光學幻象的圖像好一陣子，使勁破解把戲，你的認知突然轉換——現在看得清楚了！——兩個花瓶竟是兩張臉。一旦看穿光學幻象，就永遠不可能看不見。

"So this is God," I thought. "Congratulations to meet you."

“所以這就是神囉，”我心想，“恭喜認識你。”