《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 48 (101):禪坐
The next morning's meditation is a disaster. Desperate, I beg my mind to please step aside and let me find God, but my mind stares at me with steely power and says, "I will never let you pass me by."
隔天清晨的禪坐完全是災難。絕望的我請求腦袋讓開一點，讓我找到神，但我的腦袋用剛毅的目光盯住我，說：“我永遠不讓你過。”That whole next day, in fact, I'm so hateful and angry that I fear for the life of anyone who crosses my path. I snap at this poor German woman because she doesn't speak English well and she can't understand when I tell her where the bookstore is. I'm so ashamed of my rage that I go hide in (yet another!) bathroom and cry, and then I'm so mad at myself for crying as I remember my Guru's counsel not to fall apart all the time or else it becomes a habit . . . but what does she know about it? She's enlightened. She can't help me. She doesn't understand me.
這一天，我一整天咬牙切齒、忿忿不平，使我擔心自己會把我碰到的任何人給殺了。一位可憐的德國女子因爲不會說英語，聽不懂我告訴她書店在哪裏，而被我斥責。我爲自己的暴躁感到慚愧，於是躲進（又一次！）浴室哭，而後爲自己的哭泣感到惱火，因爲想起導師曾勸告我們切勿一天到晚情緒崩潰，否則可能成爲習慣……可是她懂嗎？畢竟她是得到光啓的人。她幫不了我。她不瞭解我。I don't want anyone to talk to me. I can't tolerate anyone's face right now. I even manage to dodge Richard from Texas for a while, but he eventually finds me at dinner and sits down—brave man—in my black smoke of self-loathing.
我不想跟任何人說話。此刻的我無法忍受任何人的面孔。我甚至設法閃避德州理查一會兒，不過他終究在晚餐時間找到我，坐下來——勇敢的傢伙——面對被自我憎恨籠罩的我。
"What's got you all wadded up?" he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.
“你幹嘛皺成一團？”他慢聲慢氣地說，嘴裏叼着牙籤，一如往常。"Don't ask," I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, "And worst of all, I can't stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it's all coming up again."
“別問吧，”我說，而後卻說了起來，我一五一十地告訴他，最後還說，“最糟的是，我沒辦法停止對大衛的迷戀。我以爲早已擺脫他，一切卻又重新浮現。”He says, "Give it another six months, you'll feel better." "I've already given it twelve months, Richard."
他說：“再等個六個月吧，你會覺得好一些。”“我已經等了十二個月，理查。”"Then give it six more. Just keep throwin' six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time."
“那就再等六個月。繼續給它個六個月，把它給趕跑。這類事情得花點時間。”I exhale hotly through my nose, bull-like.
我憤怒呼氣，像頭牛。"Groceries," Richard says, "listen to me. Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it—in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India."
“食品雜貨，”理查說，“聽我說。有一天當你回頭看生命的這一刻，會是甜美的悲傷時光。你哀悼、你心碎，生命卻因此而改變，你曾爲此待在世界上可能數一數二的最佳地點——在優美的寺院內，被神恩環繞。利用這段時間的每一分鐘。讓事情在印度這裏自行解決。”"But I really loved him."
“可是我真的愛他。”"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching, I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries—you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."
“了不得。你愛上某個人了。你不懂嗎？這傢伙觸動你內心深處，超過你想象能觸及的地方。我是說你被電到了，老姐。可你感覺到的愛，只不過是個開始。你僅僅嚐到愛的滋味。只是寒酸的凡俗之愛。等着看你愛得比這個更深吧。幹嘛呀，食品雜貨——總有一天，你有能力愛整個世界。這是你的命定。別笑。”"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."
“我沒笑，”我其實在哭，“也請你現在不要嘲笑我，我覺得自己之所以忘不了大衛，是因爲我真的相信大衛是自己的精神伴侶。”
