《美食祈禱和戀愛》Chapter 49 (106):放手領悟

Buddhist lore has a story about the moments that followed the Buddha's transcendence into enlightenment. When—after thirty-nine days of meditation—the veil of illusion finally fell away and the true workings of the universe were revealed to the great master, he was repor-ted to have opened his eyes and said immediately, "This cannot be taught." But then he changed his mind, decided that he would go out into the world, after all, and attempt to teach the practice of meditation to a small handful of students. He knew there would be only a mea-ger percentage of people who would be served by (or interested in) his teachings. Most of hu-manity, he said, have eyes that are so caked shut with the dust of deception they will never see the truth, no matter who tries to help them. A few others (like Sean's Da, perhaps) are so naturally clear-eyed and calm already that they need no instruction or assistance whatsoever. But then there are those whose eyes are just slightly caked with dust, and who might, with the help of the right master, be taught to see more clearly someday. The Buddha decided he would become a teacher for the benefit of that minority—"for those of little dust."

在佛教的傳說中有一則故事，提及佛陀由超越自我進入證悟時刻。在經過三十九天的禪坐後，幻象隱沒而去，大師見證了宇宙的真實運作，據說他睜開眼睛，立刻說：“這沒辦法教導。”而後他改變主意，終究決定走入世界，打算向一小羣學徒教授禪修。他明白僅有極少數人將得益於他的教導（或感興趣）。他說，大部分人類，眼睛都被欺騙的塵土所矇蔽，因此永遠看不見真實，無論誰想幫忙都使不上力。有些人（或許像西恩的老爸）生性已然敏銳沉着，無須任何指導或幫助。可是有些人的眼睛稍稍被塵土矇蔽，若得良師之助，或可學會某日看得更清楚。佛陀爲了使那些少數人、“那些微微蒙塵的人”受惠，而決定成爲導師。

I dearly hope that I am one of these mid-level dust-caked people, but I don't know. I only know that I have been driven to find inner peace with methods that might seem a bit drastic for the general populace. (For instance, when I told one friend back in New York City that I was going to India to live in an Ashram and search for divinity, he sighed and said, "Oh, there's a part of me that so wishes I wanted to do that . . . but I really have no desire for it whatsoever.") I don't know that I have much of a choice, though. I have searched frantically for contentment for so many years in so many ways, and all these acquisitions and accom-plishments—they run you down in the end. Life, if you keep chasing it so hard, will drive you to death. Time—when pursued like a bandit—will behave like one; always remaining one county or one room ahead of you, changing its name and hair color to elude you, slipping out the back door of the motel just as you're banging through the lobby with your newest search warrant, leaving only a burning cigarette in the ashtray to taunt you. At some point you have to stop because it won't. You have to admit that you can't catch it. That you're not supposed to catch it. At some point, as Richard keeps telling me, you gotta let go and sit still and allow contentment to come to you.

我真心希望自己屬於這些中等蒙塵之人，但我不清楚。我只清楚自己受到驅使，必須使用對普通人來說稍微劇烈的方式，來找尋心靈的和平（比方，當我在紐約告訴一位朋友說我將去印度某道場居住、尋求神性的時候，他嘆口氣說道：“喔，一部分的我非常希望自己可以去想做這件事……但我根本沒有這種願望。”）但我曉得自己別無選擇。多年來我以多種方式狂熱地尋求知足，而所有的收穫與成就最後卻反倒在追趕你。人生，你若苦苦追逐，將趕你走上死路。時間——如果像盜匪般被人追捕的話——其舉止亦如盜匪；永遠待在早你一步的縣城或房間，更改名字或髮色而避開你，在你帶着最新的搜查令突襲它時，它從汽車旅館後門溜出去，留下菸灰缸裏點着的香菸嘲弄你。有些時刻，你得停下來，只因爲它不肯停。你得承認你捉不到它，得承認你不該捉它。正如理查不斷告訴我的，有些時刻，你得放手，坐着不動，讓知足來到你身邊。

Letting go, of course, is a scary enterprise for those of us who believe that the world revolves only because it has a handle on the top of it which we personally turn, and that if we were to drop this handle for even a moment, well—that would be the end of the universe. But try dropping it, Groceries. This is the message I'm getting. Sit quietly for now and cease your relentless participation. Watch what happens. The birds do not crash dead out of the sky in mid-flight, after all. The trees do not wither and die, the rivers do not run red with blood. Life continues to go on. Even the Italian post office will keep limping along, doing its own thing without you—why are you so sure that your micromanagement of every moment in this whole world is so essential? Why don't you let it be?

放手，對於我們這些相信世界是因爲頂端有個讓我們親自轉動的柄才得以運作的人來說，是件恐怖的事，哪怕我們只是放開半分鐘，都是世界末日。“試着放手吧，食品雜貨。”這是我獲知的訊息。靜坐片刻，停止那永恆不懈的參與。觀望發生的事。鳥兒畢竟不會飛到一半從天空掉下來身亡，樹木不會凋萎死去，河水不會流着紅色的血，人生繼續下去。甚至意大利郵局也將繼續一瘸一拐地前進，沒有你也能照常運行——你爲何如此肯定自己在這世界上每時每刻事必躬親是如此必要的事？何不讓它去？

I hear this argument and it appeals to me. I believe in it, intellectually. I really do. But then I wonder—with all my restless yearning, with all my hyped-up fervor and with this stupidly hungry nature of mine—what should I do with my energy, instead?

我聽見這個論點在向我呼籲。理智上，我真的相信它。可是我轉瞬又想——而且是懷抱着我那永無休止的渴望、激動的熱情、飢餓得愚蠢的天性在思索——該拿我的精力怎麼辦？

That answer arrives, too:

這答案也出現了：

Look for God, suggests my Guru. Look for God like a man with his head on fire looks for , Pray, Love

“尋找神，”我的導師如此建議，“尋找神，就像腦袋着火的人尋找水一般。”